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Unexpected Broken Engagement

 My ex and I had dated on and off since high school (10 years). We dated this past time for two years and decided to move in together. He had a 3 year old daughter that I welcomed with open arms. Not long after, he proposed in a surprising and romantic way on my 27th birthday. It was amazing. Shortly after we set the wedding date for the following year and started making plans. I was so happy. Two months before the wedding, everything was paid for and in order. One day, out of the blue, we had a petty fight over dinner plans and he broke it to me. He no longer wanted to marry me. I was speechless. He proceeded to tell me that we had nothing in common and he wasn't in love with me. I was crushed. He promptly moved out of my house the next day and never looked  back. Maybe it was cold feet, maybe it was someone else. I really don't know and I have learned it doesn't matter now.

It has been a truly horrific and trying experience. I was not only completely humiliated, but absolutely heart broken. I was the one who had to cancel the wedding and notify everyone. He refused to be involved and said that it was too hard for him to deal with it all. Too hard for him?! For the first month, I barely ate or slept. I cried constantly and thought my life was over. 

It has been over two months now, and I am starting to feel better about it all. I have accepted the situation and I am learning to realize that things will get better. I know it will take a long time to truly get over the situation, but I am determined to be a better person from this unsightly situation. The wedding day is very soon, and I am struggling on how to deal with the big day. 

cheygyrl15 cheygyrl15 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 19, 2009

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Hi, i cried when i read your post. I am experiencing the same thing, but its only been 3 weeks. I am shattered. I feel like my life is over, i now have nowhere to live, my stuff is now in storage, and i cant see what is in my future or is there is any point !
please tell me if this is survivable cos right now it feels like its not.

i know what youre going trougth, my ex fiance jut called off our wedding three days ago, i feel devasteded, i cant eat, i cant sleep, my mind just cant stop thinking of that, im in so much pain, that i feel it will never go away, the worst part is that he did not ending it over a fight, it was because he is full of issues and situations holding him back, things from his past, he says he loves me, but he just doesnt feel man enough to make me happy, our wedding was suppost to be on july 24 this year, i just hope that day to be surrender by my family and friends. i dont hate him tough, i feel for him, i wish him the best, im at peace with my self because i know i did every little thing i could have done to make it work, is really not my fault he got so scared, i gave him back the wedding ring and he would not take it, but yesterday i send it the ring with my brother, i dont need it nor i want it, is just to painfull, is gonna be hard enough the fact that we work at the sme place, i find comfort in te fact that we never fought,we always talk, you could even say we remind friends, and thats something good, but at the same time is what kills me the most we were so perfect together, we had so many plans, i know he feels bad too, i just think is such a shame that he is going to let his fears get the best of him. anyways, i feel bad, i just hope this all be over soon, thank God for my family, i will be lost without them.

How are you coping now three months after murmurlee? I am in a very similar situation to you. My ex fiance and I broke up 3 weeks ago, I know hw still loves me and is still very attracted to me and I feel the same way about him, but his unresolved issues with his family, in particular, with his parents and the hard childhood he had, made it very hard for him to accept that there was a chance that things may not work out. He rather be alone for the rest of his life, then risk either of us being unhappy in the future. It's heartbreaking as I feel so much pain for him and I want him and his family to seek help, but there is nothing I can do..

hello, well..actually i posted that comment over a year ago.. but if i may say so.. let me tell you that im doing great, ive never been better, there was a moment when i thought i was going to die, today i can say from the bottom of my heart that breaking my engagement up, it was the best thing ever. i learn from that experience that things happen for a reason and you just have to trust God, i also learned that when somebody is not meant for you, you have to let them go... i did, it was hard, but trust me, it was worth it, today i am dating with the most amazing man and just thinking that if i were married right now, i couldn't have the opportunity to be with him! Everything happens for a reason, trust God and please, reflect in my mirror and see that it is better to be alone , that stuck with somebody that wont make you happy. learn to let go and learn to be happy. please take care, and if u need anything, im here to listen. God bless you.

Hi Murmurlee,
I just wanted to say that your story is giving me hope, in my dark days right now. My ex fiance just broke off our engagement seven days ago today. I am heart broken. I was blindsided and i am in so much shock. He told me it was him and i did nothing wrong, that i was actually an angel. I am so confused and angry. He will not talk to me or i am trying to stay strong not to contact him. I know things happen for a reason. And i am trusting God to bring me through this.

Dear Loveand faith, my fiance broke our engagement 2.5 months ago. we tried talking through some of the issues but everything has fallen apart a few days ago. I've been a mess - can't sleep, eat and have been crying most of these 2.5 months. I feel your pain and you are not alone. I feel like I'm never going to get over him. I miss him constantly and he won't have any contact with me anymore. It is truly the worst situation I've been in. I am sorry for what happened to you. I wish I was doing better to give you hope. I feel completely empty and alone.

Hello, mxle2011.

How are you doing? I'm in a situation like yours except that my love went from suggesting and us entering into a break while I started therapy to be happy and healthy because I was severely depressed over missing him throughout our 2 year, 1400 mile/2 time zones engagement where we spent 17 days together to a so-called "relationship" with a female who flirted with him while we were engaged, she recently divorced, and didn't drop out of his life completely even when I told him to tell her that her behavior was disrespectful to me, us, him, and our relationship in 2 weeks. I found out that something had happened through a former friend of ours/current friend of his and when I called him, telling him I loved and trusted him and asked him what'd happened, he stammered and asked if I were still coming to visit him when he was next in California. I said yes and again asked what had happened. He told me he had a hot dinner waiting and we would chat. We didn't chat about it and when I brought up the topic again a month later, he grew agitated and upset, telling me to accept that it was over between us. I begged him to call me back, on the verge of tears. He promised and didn't call me back. We've since chatted and he aired that he still loved me, was attracted to me, and vacillated between opening up the "relationship" up to include me. I'm no one's friend with benefits although I was lonely enough to consider exchanging sexy photos with him. I'm still praying he wakes up to me again, soon, since he was the one for me after decades of unrequited love. What I don't understand is that this female is a clingy, needy, selfish, emotionally manipulative, and immature woman and he can't see that she's the one that's unhealthy, saying that she can't stand the idea of him going to China to earn money (I would've never expressed that since all the first year we were apart, he was building his resume and saving part of his earnings to visit me for a week). My therapist and other sensible friends assure me that this "relationship" won't last, that she'll find someone else and he won't commit to her. I'm still devastated although what got me through the years we were apart were my closeness to friends and family, my English as a Second Language teaching adults job, and very frequent communication with him. It does hurt, though, since it's like because of certain unavoidable factors--me leaving my job mid-semester and before a semester when I didn't know if I'd have a teaching assignment and he unwilling (read: unable) to leave his dramatic, needy family to fend for themselves and help each other, he gave up.

Do let me know how it's going for you. I can tell you that I miss him and love him, am still in love with him.

Most Sincerely,

kitchenchild

*other--he

I also miss him as my best friend. He also called me his best friend. I wonder if we can be best friends throughout this experience and if he was sincere when he said he was hurt by what happened. I'm hurt by it and he knows this. If we're so hurt, why did he rebound and I'm unable to?

i've been there too. i was engaged to who i thought was my soul mate. he left w/o warning just one month after proposing. i too accepted him and his daughter into my home, and treated them like family. he proceeded to come back asking for forgiveness. i granted it, only for him to leave again after a "petty" disagreement. i cant even call it a fight because he was arguing via txt while i was at work training on a new position. he walked away the second time and broke up with me via txt while he was chilling at my house, and i was at work. this was right before the holidays, my bday and a day before a romantic wknd getaway we had planned. that was 4 months ago. today marks the day he proposed a yr ago. it still hurts deeply, especially since for whatever reason, he's talking trash about me on facebook. imagine that? he left so cowardly, humiliated me, and abandoned my daughter and i..and he has the nerve to talk smack on FB? i never crossed that line, or disrespected him in that way. it's so gross. and i see now, i deserve way better. he's very immature, cowardly, passive-agressive and i'm sure i too dodged a bullet...as hard as it is.

thats so good to hear. its not ez to remember that things happen for a reason when there's so much "noise" and questions racing thru your head. but i'm glad theres hope. i hope to find someone amazing too one day. thx4sharing ur story murmurlee

5 More Responses

Oh dear I am so sorry. He never did deserve you. He is not a true man. You are a beautiful soul my love. Stay strong, and I agree with fungirl, go out and celebrate that you didn't waste your love and life on such a coward. =) Stay strong dear.

Thank you for the suggestion. I am certainly going to do something great on that day. Something to distract me thinking about him. Its easier said than done unfortunately.

Go out with your friends and celebrate the fact that you are not stuck with this unsuitable man for the rest of your life. I have been there and you possibly dodged a bullet which only time will tell. Good luck in the path you take into your future. it sounds like you are getting stronger. I really appreciate you sharing your story.