How Can He Not Feel The Way I Do?

   When I met Thomas, I knew it was meant to be. I had always heard that some people just knew they were soulmates from day one, but I never believed that. For one thing, you have to know a person before you can love them! The first day I ever talked to him, I just knew. Friends, if you ever meet someone and just know like I did, you'll know what I mean. This man was practically perfect in every way. My parents loved him, and he loved them. He felt like a member of my family. We agreed on almost everything, we shared all the same interests and tastes, and had been raised almost to a tee the same way. It would take me all day to list all the ways we were alike. He fulfilled my whole "Prince list."  When I saw his name pop up in a sea of hopeless suitors on eHarmony, I just knew. We spent hours upon hours on iChat and Skype. It was so perfect. Every step of the way, I knew more and more. So did he. Before he ever proposed, everybody knew. It was a done deal. We were getting married. But he wanted ttme to be sure, and I gave him as much time as he needed. He surprised me by proposing one day while we were in an argument.

    It was the happiest time of my life! He flew home, my mother, sister and I prepared for the wedding. I could hardly believe I could be so blessed! I was getting married to the best imaginable man ever! We were going to have our honeymoon in the Smokies, then drive all the way to Tampico, where we were  going to live.

     Meanwhile, his parents were not so happy. A typical Mexican mother, Thomas' Mom wanted him to stay at home and be her little boy. She fought him tooth and nail, even enlisting friends to come talk him out of it. She threatened him that God's Word says "Obey your parents, that it may be well with you," saying that if he married me, it would not be well with us. She lied to missionaries about us, his Dad called our completely pure relationship "scandalous" and they told people that I was not a Christian because I wanted to marry a man I met on the internet. They made his life miserable until, you guessed it, he gave in.

     I still remember that fateful night. He called me, saying that his mother was banging her head on the wall and screaming that he did not love her. He swore that he would never give in to her. The following day, he LIED and said he still planned to marry me, but would not speak to me the rest of the afternoon. He called my Dad and asked my Dad to give me the hard news. My Dad told him to be a man and break it up himself. So he called and broke it up. I didn't plead with him, since I knew it would do no good. I simply sat and cried quietly as he talked. I know he was going through a lot, but it's no excuse for what he did to me.

     I cannot tell you how bad the pain was. It took me a week to tell the dressmaker that the wedding was off. It took a month to tell my grandparents. I kept a detailed journal of the entire thing, it all hurt so bad! I got so depressed, I lost joy in things like going shopping, watching movies, going for walks, etc. Even now, 3 years later, I am hurting so badly I can hardly breathe! At times I feel as if my chest is crushed.

     He now says that we would have been foolish, and that he did not love me that much. He acts as if I am an embarrassing nuisance that came into his

life and made him miserable for no apparent reason. How can I love him with all my heart and miss him so much, and he does not even miss me?

elisalinder elisalinder
5 Responses Mar 28, 2010

I just got out of an engagement of 2 and a half years. I found out that she was lying to me about many different things. She wouldn't even own up to them when I caught her in the lies she tried to blame them on me trying to say that I was making things up. This was the last straw it sucks but I figure I will meet someone else eventually. I hope that all of you that have commented on this story get over your ex and start to realize that you are worth the wait and have many good things to offer in a relationship and that you don't let this breakup ruin your out look of men or of the sacred bond of marriage. I wish you all the very best in finding happy healthy relationships.

Thank you for the comment. It meant something to me.

My boyfriend did the same thing to me last thursday. We have been together for only 13 months, wedding to be held in December. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world and it's so hard to get through the shock. I agree with nobrokenheartedgirl, give yourself time. I feel like my heart, pride, spirit is all broken along with the broken promise and dream, but even though the sense of loss is huge, positivity is the only way forward. It's also sad that you dont' just loose the wedding, future, but you loose the person as well as I cannot deal with the 'let's try, wait and see' approach.<br />
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It's so painful that even breathing is difficult, let alone sleep or eat, but when you start counting your blessings, your life will start turning around. Stay positive girls. We will survive, and what cannot kill us can only make us stronger!

Hi! my fiance called off our engagement yesterday. i am devastated but i know i have the strength within me to move on and start focusing on what i want.<br />
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He was i what i thought the perfect man. He whisked me off my feet from the very beginning, showered me with so much love and affection and 4 months later he asked my dad for my hand in marriage.<br />
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But 4 months after we had our engagement party, he called my dad to called off the engagement. I took the phone away from my dad and asked him what was going on.He said that things doesnt feel right anymore and that by continuing with the engagement, he felt that we both were lying to ourself. We were going through a rough time but i thought that we could get through it together. I was going to stick by his side despite being weak to his eyes.<br />
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After convincing 3 times to 'work it out', i let him go. I love him, i really do. But i cant be with someone who doesnt see 'eye to eye' with me. We're both young and if he really loved me he would try to work it out. He said he did try for 1 month but things changed and by staying together he was going to hurt me more.<br />
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My parent are hearthbroken too. They felt like they shouldn't have gave away their only child to this men so soon without knowing his true intentions. But we're human after all and we make mistakes. My ex-fiance is now living in Dubai. we were supposed to start our new life there and i followed him but came back a month and half later because he was under lots of pressure with his new job,saving money for furniture (i was there to choose the house), wedding and my dowry etc etc. I couldnt work in dubai yet cos of our financial situation so he thought it was best for me to leave and then come back once he's settled . i respect his decision. when he sent me off at the airport, there was this gut feeling that was telling me that this is not the person i fell in love with. I could see it in his eyes that his feeling changed. We were engaged infront of my relatives and friends. But its my parent and i who have to faced them soon not him. No matter how much he said that he will be there for me if i needed him, this is something i have to do on my own. I know i will be a much more stronger person once i am over this. But right now, it is painful. ..But i am giving myself time to picked up the broken pieces and search things in life that would 'complete' me. I thought he made me feel complete but honestly, i felt empty.

Unfortunately, you can't change the way the other person feels and you have to learn to let go. If he doesn't feel the same way, then you are wasting your time. It sounds like you might be having contact with him for the past three years. Truly letting go means no contact whatsoever. Otherwise, wounds can't heal. I can empathize with your anxieties though. No one can snap out of that. Have you thought of seeing a trusted counselor that could help you get through the emotions?

I'm so sorry..still three years later it hurts..? I don't know how people can do this...have you tried dating other guys...?I'm kind of going through the same just happened last Sunday...he broke off our engagement unexpectedly...we've been in love with each other since we were 12 and 13 years old..we were HS sweethearts..and although we had our tough times we always made it through...on and off we've dated for like 6 years but now we were dating for over 3 years and will have been engaged for a year in May...I know your pain exactly...there's nothing I want to do..I haven't been to work in three, getting my hair, and nails done didn't help but for a minute...I guess the best thing for us to do is to keep ourselves busy..and focus on our selves..I wish the best for you.