Depression ChroniclesI've been crushed by the insurmountable condition called Depression since my childhood, it made my life hell and often taunted me in times of the dark.
It fluctuates inside of my system, consistently weighing me down on weeks to months at it's own pace, it terrifies me that it has this much power over me. I have no control over my emotions, my fears, doubts, insecurities, negatively empowered thoughts of apathy and shame awaken in full blight and my tears accessed it's freedom to shed down my face as I realize the impossible has come over me.
How I survive these phases is beyond my wonder of comprehension.
Recently as of this year during the early months of spring, it's when it completely blindsided me and tackled me across it's floor of cold and apathy. Successfully I recovered from that temporal phase, but then as of these late months between September and this recent October was when it became overbearing.
I know this much however. I may fall down the abyss of angst but I always climb back up no matter the strife because I am stronger than that.
I have support from family, small amount of friends and EP. I couldn't be anymore grateful for such a rapturous system of care.
I could only sit and lay in my dark cesspool of sorrow and misery.
There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say, all around me was numb to my head to my toes.
I slept frequently, consistently, endlessly, never moving from my only comfort.
I couldn't eat, drink or speak.
My appetite was pillaged from me along with my strength of mobility.
I was unmotivated to do any kind of activities.
My memories of the past and present were miserably left in the dust, leaving me blank.
I couldn't even find enjoyment out of the things I loved to do.
I was drowning in pure absolute damnation for I knew where I was.
And no matter what anyone said otherwise I was going to remain there.
Unless I stepped forward to justify my means to end it myself.
I had the strength to defeat this monstrosity because I was born with it.
I have the capabilities of a human being, the perfect design to resist and combat any foe that lay in my path.
Under no circumstances was I going to tolerate anymore suffering, suffocation upon my own pain and tribulation before me.
I had to first of all discover what caused my depression to consume me, turns out it was my own insecurities and self-doubts of the world around me comparing such to my own in-adequateness and short-comings. I had to accept that I have my own doubts at times, my own faults, my own shame to embrace, wasn't going to stop me from improving myself and make a plot against this conspiracy to win the war with my battle strategy to obtain victory.
I began to move.
Bit by bit, nudge by nudge. I started to regain momentous edge over the chaos in my mind.
Then there it was.
A beacon of light ahead.
I raced with all my heart, my mentality, my body, and soul because I was going to make it out of this, whether I had help or not.
I was going through the ambient light again because I paved my own way out of hell.
Depression CAN be beat YOU have the will-power to withstand against it. You don't always have to rely on medications (which DO come with harsh side-effects) they only mask your feelings in sea of numbness which isn't a cure, all you require is love, support, determination and perseverance! Because you can choose your moods if you so desire, don't let your negative mind force you to believe otherwise, try to reinforce your own empowerment of inspiration and encouragement to give yourself a pep-kind-of-talk and achieve the impossible because you can make it possible.
Depression usually associated with a chemical imbalance and a situational factor so medications are necessary for some/most people. I personally believe God provided us the means to use medicines and science to relieve our sufferings. I also recommend exercise and a well balanced diet to cure the chemical imbalance, then there's situational whereas you can try your best to seek help from family, counselors, therapists, etc to solve your problems so the weight isn't so overwhelming.
Medications are needed because some people are just overwhelmed by the condition so it's okay if you can't will it out, some people can, others can't, it's simple as that. But beware of the side-effects
Lastly, here is a encouragement empowered quote forged from my soul to all survivors or struggling depressants.
From me. To you:
"Just so you know depression is not a disease but a condition for no one is born into depression as it's an affliction, it's a temporary state of the mind which coerces you to believe that you are all alone and helpless to the causes around you that is overwhelming your vision of life ahead, it can be beat if you surround yourself with people who care and accept you and support you while you retrace your steps and figure out a plan of implementations, it may not happen over night but it takes time stick to your ideals, goals, ambitions, dreams and sense of self and you will go far, its hell but you can always find your rope to escalate you to heaven." ~ Lushiro
Also another quote: "When you feel like giving up remember why you held on for so long." ~ By Unknown
Articles on Depression:
Also I wasn't alone regardless of my free-will in not even going to God for help even when I believed in him. I never realized how close he was in my presence because he was everywhere. For God was with me trying to call me unto him, that was when I got on my knees and prayed: "If you can hear me Lord! Please I beg for your help! Release me from this prison of darkness and sorrow! Embrace me in your loving arms so that I may feel your love!" That was when he shed light and peace upon me almost instantaneously, it felt as if I were being blanketed in a veil of euphoria and a serenity that I cannot describe. That was when I realized there was more out there than just me and my pain and suffering, but there was God who was always there, and he too was suffering with me. And all I had to do was accept his presence upon me and depend on him to heal me, and to this day my depression has become a suppression.
This is my statement to clarify my statement above: God is your shadow, he follows you all your life, but you never pay him any attention until you are in a desperate turn, that is when you notice the shadow, who was with you all along, even when you are alone. That is when you begin to truly believe that he is real and not just a mere shade in the fabric of existence.