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Give Me A Reason To Stay...

I always feel so empty inside... Like I'm not worthy of anyone's love.

I'm never important enough to stay in someone's life for an extended period of time...

Every single day I wait for the pain to end- but only brief periods of artificial happiness come, then back to this intense depression that seems to permanently haunt me...

I betrayed the one person who actually did give a damn... someone i still love and care about... I hate myself for this.

I chose the wrong person- the person I didn't truly connect with- over him.

This person stopped me from drinking, stopped me from smoking... stop me from committing suicide... stopped me from completely destroying myself.

And what did I do in return?

I used him. Or so he thinks.

But really, I didn't.

I used to dream of our future- a happier future- for us.

A world where seeing his beautiful, amazing, radiant smile wouldn't be a rare event.

To hear his laugh; to feel his touch.

It was what kept me going.

A life with him.

But of course, I was young.

And I was stupid.

And so ******* selfish and idiotic and... messed up.

And when he walked away that sweltering early July afternoon...

And the words he said to me...

They hurt.

More than anything I've ever experienced.

More vivid and real than having your head slammed against a wall.

It hurt deep.

And now I have no one.

I just want a friend.

one real friend.

And him.

But maybe I just deserve to lie in misery... reason to stay

KrissyAnastasia KrissyAnastasia 18-21, F Nov 1, 2011

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