Love Triangle - Married Man Vs A Butch

I am a 33-year-old butch who has been in a relationship with a woman (bi?) for more than 8 yrs.  I met her through a chat room.  At that time, she just came off a relationship with a man.  She was 18 yrs old then and that first relationship lasted for over a year.  I am her second and the first time she's been in a relationship with a butch.  We decided to live together  after 4 yrs of being steady.  I have known her to be "one of the boys."  She has a lot of male friends but I never really felt any treat and confident that they really are just her friends.

It was on our 7th year that I felt a change on her.  I felt that she was cold and no longer as intimate as we used to.  Then she had been hiding financial problems.  Because of this I was able to talk to her family.  That's when I accidentally learned from her sister that she has a relationship with her friend who is already married (separated but still legally married). I even met the guy and he stayed in our house when he had a vacation from work a few months ago.  His wife just gave birth then to their 3rd child and i assume he was able to go out of town thru that paternity leave.  I dont know how long  they have been cheating on me, but she eventually admitted that they did have a relationship and that something already sexual happened to them.  It was as if a hot water was poured on me.  8 yrs wasted! then suddenly she's confused.  she said she loves me still but part of her is missing -- she wants to have children someday -- something I can never give her.  I asked her about the guy and she said that they no longer have any communication.  I dont know if she's telling the truth but when I asked her if she still loves him, she wasnt able to answer, which made me conclude that she still loves him.

At present, she went back to her province (where the guy also resides) with her family.    As she puts it, she wants to go back to her family for her to be able to find herself -- what she really wants, soul-searching.  We still communicate through phone but there's no assurance that she and the guy are no longer going out or are no longer together.  I still love her and I am willing to take her back, but at the moment I am as confused.  I'm afraid that if the guy is free from his wife (we have no divorce, but if his wife dies then he is free) then there's a possibility they'd be back together while I'm left alone again.  Hope you guys could help me.
napindeho napindeho
1 Response Jul 25, 2010

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Hi. I can relate to your story. I used to be with a butch. A very deep connection still brings mu back to her now and then. I was with her only for a year though. After breaking up with her I went steady with a guy. I'm currently with him for about 4 years. This iis 5th yr going. She's coming bk to mi now. I feel so lost. As girls is always difficult for us to let go. I just realised she's still on my mind. But the thing is that she can't guarantee mi life till the end. She know she has to fulfil her mother's wish by marrying someone one fine day. I told her I would leave everything for her. But she couldn't assure mi of life together till the end. Now I'm stuck too. I also told her nobody ever stops loving someone. But learn to live with the ones they loved in their memories. That hurts the most. I want he back too. It really hurts.