3 Years And Then Some

I dated him for 3 years and within those three years I dealt with his lies and and cheating on me twice. The first time he just kissed a girl, but I feel for all his lies to try to get out of it. I hated the girl he could turn me into....I loved him so much I fell for every word that came out of his mouth. Then after he had sex with another girl I broke up with him and didn't talk to him for about a year. Then somehow I was in a bad place and he started calling me and talking to me again and I answered. I fell into it once again. I did everything for him, with a few mistakes myself this time around. I was afraid I would become the vulnerable naive little girl again so i got bossy, but understandably. He loved me I know he did....which is the hardest part. He left this time, he just left and blocked me online and never came back. He then unblocked me and I blocked him. He contacted my friends to try to repay a money debt to me and I told them to not reply. I don't need his money as a hold on me. I don't need him. I survived heartbreak, although I am still going through it now. I still do not understand how people can be so cruel but I do not think I ever will. Sometimes I think it is my fault, that I bitched too much or made him feel bad. But in reality I did nothing wrong. I was not perfect, but I was as close as he could get. I had life problems but he did too and we were suppose to be there for each other....but he bitched out. I gave everything to him....everything and I don't necessarily regret any of it. I just wish he had known what he had before he lost it forever. I'm better than him. I deserve better and once I can get him out of the bad place in my heart, I can make the room needed for someone new. Someone who does not lie or cheat. Someone nice and loving and true. Faithful. I want this guy, the one I deserve.
Icaretoomuch Icaretoomuch
18-21, F
1 Response May 11, 2012

Wow reading this story was exactly everything that I went thru all the lies so much i can't believe I stuck around so long and cheating then jus kissing a girl and me going back so many times and me still believing he really did love me....<br />
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But me I haven't moved on yet it's been over a year :/