Yes , I Survived .just!!

I am a 6' 2" tall ,255lb guy , who has been around and can look after himself . The sort of guy that others look at and think "indestructible". This is what i thought too ,until my ex decided that she wanted out . Who did what to whom is not important here , besides which ,i have no desire to "hang her out to dry ",as it were ,suffice to say ,that there was no violence ,or screaming ,yelling etc,etc. There was however,an age gap of 18years , which became a huge problem . She was astoundingly beautiful to look at , smart , fastidious in her appearance , though she looked sensational whether dressed to impress ,or just lounging around in scruffy old track pants . It made no difference at all. Then of course there were "her ways" , the indefinable things that made her unique. I loved her with every shred of my being. She was under a great deal of pressure from family and friends ,who strongly disapproved of our age difference, and , after two glorious years , we began to come apart . Although we tried hard to make it work , other influences ,in the form of untrustworthy friends (mine) , also played a role , and the end became inevitable. For me ,the pain of losing her was that dreadful mix of worthlessness , futility,betrayal , anger ,emptiness ,nausea and isolation with which so many are familiar . Suicidal ,and seeking refuge in copious quantities of drugs and alcohol , i became a burden to my family and friends , and a truly dangerous man to be around ,as i saw my self as worthless,and felt the same about others. This attitude prevailed for a number of years ,during which i danced with death on numerous occasions. It was only the tolerance and understanding of a young employer for whom i was working, his family , and a few staunch friends ,that got me through this episode , that and the friendship of three beautiful young ladies (platonic) who worked close by . One of these girls seemed to have a genuine affection for me, but though drop dead gorgeous , way ,way too young, and to take advantage of her would have been shameful. Over time ,my ex and i became good friends, but it took a long,long time , and now days , i feel that if she wished to return , my answer would be a polite no. It is true that i am super wary now, and though lonely for female company at times, i would rather be alone and lonely ,than ever feel that kind of pain again. I have some wonderful female friends ,but thats as far as it goes , as ,they are all spoken for ,and happy with their choices . Perhaps someday , i will find someone special again ,who knows ?, but for now ,life is good , not spectacular ,but good ,and i am grateful for that.
unlimitednumbers unlimitednumbers
41-45, M
May 22, 2012