Impossible Love

For 6 months you left me, you didn't talk to me, tried to forget me. Now here we are right back to the same I love you-I love you more place feeling that same pure 100% immovable love that we had last year, the year before that and the year before that. I sit here and think about how much that has happened within the nearly 3 years we have been apart of each others lives and feel amazed at how something could pass through so many storms and still come out unweathered.then be buried deep, and yet it unearths undiminished. I tell you I love you and you say I love you more. You say I miss you and I say I miss you more.
I think about the man I live with, the man I love and will probly soon marry and feel guilt for his undeserved treatment and feel even more guilt for his ignorance to it. Sometimes I wake at night and can't recognize the person I'm laying next to because he is not the person I was just laying next to in my dreams. Then I feel more guilty for being disappointed that it was just a dream. I am wrong, we Are wrong for risking hurting the people we love in order to indulge ourselves into the love we have for each other. but then we''re even more wrong for trying to contain a love that we were blessed with. Trying to belittle it or ignore it. We tried that, you tried that yet here we are. So isn't it just as wrong to hurt ourselves. If I never speak to you again my everydays would be spent in agony. While I may be content, I could never be truly happy. So isn't it wrong to condemn ourselves to a life where our happiness could never reach It's full potential. We are wrong even when we are doing right. And right even when we are being wrong. When we don't talk I can still feel you, and I know when you think of me because I feel you even stronger. It's like a flame that's gone through a rainstorm and comes out burning brighter. So what do I do? Leave the one I'm in love with for the one I love knowing I will carry pain as consequence or do I force the one I love to accept the one I'm in love with knowing he will carry the pain as consequence. If I had a chance to be with you I would be selfish in our situation. But even if he accepted or decided to move on I know I would still find myself by myself carrying the same pain I tried to avoid by being selfish. So after sifting through all this confusion i come to the conclusion that our love is not a blessing, but a curse. And I will never truly truly be happy
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 7, 2013