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Where To Begin.....have I Really Suvived Yet?

It's been 4 weeks since my wife and I separated.

I have been living on my own in our family home for the whole time, while she’s been living with her brother.

I know this website is about sharing stories of Surviving Heartbreaks, and I know I haven't survived it by any means. However I think in order for me to survive this, I need to talk about it to people I don't know, to just write these words down and for me to get things off my chest.

Whiles it's 100% healthy and advisable to talk to friends and family, I think there will always be certain things that are not said or you remember something after the conversation is over etc, so I think doing this is my best way of putting things into perspective.

I love her, I miss her. We have not spent a day in the last 6 years not talking to each other, even if we just text/msn each other. Since living together, we have only spent a handful of days not actually seeing each other. So suffice to say, if have been in agony these past 4 weeks. I have been texting her, something’s more frequently than I should but I miss her, I miss not having her around to talk to. Even just silly little things that happened during the day. Funny observations I would normally tell her about...

I'm not going to go into details and bore people with why we split up, it's been very amicable and I hope it will remain that way. No one has done anything wrong so to speak. I still love her very very much and despite the pain and torment I have been through these last 4 weeks, I would take her back no questions asked.

Unfortunately, to start my healing process, I need to tell myself this will not happen; she is not going to come back. There has been opportunities where she could have but didn't. We have shared one night together in the last 4 weeks, it was the night she finally plucked up the courage and actually said it's over; before that, we were just taking time out from each other. Anyway, that night will always be remembered lovingly but at the same time, it will always haunt me. We talked, we cried, we laughed and we went to bed in each others arms. We woke up together; we held each other and talked cried and laughed some more. Then it was time to let her go.

This break up has been almost unbearable for me, but when the moment came where I know I had to let her go and anything we had is in the past, that was the single most painful moment I have ever experienced. My heart is breaking as I’m re-telling it.

I haven't got any tips on surviving heartbreak, cos I haven't survived this very well. 4 weeks out of 6 years is nothing, I need more time to process and more time to adjust. My mind hasn't gotten used to not having her around.

I miss her so so much

theslims theslims 31-35, M 10 Responses Feb 21, 2010

Your Response


LAST ENTRY: Get online, go to google and type in "How to get your girl back". I have highlighted a lot of the advice from that article, but there are MANY more available. I have talked to a lot of unhappy wives in my day, and I can usually predict what they are going to say, or do. It frustrates men to no end because they dont understand what they mean when they say one thing and do something different. If you remeber nothing else, remember this: "EMOTIONALLY CHARGED". <br />
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How many decisions have you made when you were pissed off? How many of those decisions worked out in your favor? <br />
Stop contact with her, talking to her is only driving her further away. It doesnt make any sense and its completely true ......

Personally, I think this chick still digs you. She spent 6 years with you, and after 4 weeks is still in touch with you. It sucks, but its positive for you, so dont think that all is lost. I was married for a while. I had a lot of women friends because they felt I was easy to talk to. They all gripe and complain about not getting what they want, but even THEY dont know what they want most of the time. <br />
What women do not want is to have to make a decision. Women are emotionally ba<x>sed. They will make a choice on emotion only, and use logic to justify it. I gaurantee you that she left you over an emotional state of mind and is trying to justify that decision now. This is why she finally told you why she left you AFTER she left you. Honestly, without knowing either of you, I would say she still loves you. She just needs to FEEL challenged to enjoy herself around you.

She HAS to miss you to appreciate you. She needs to see that you can grow (physically and emotionally). She needs to know that you have options and that she can not manipulate you. This will challenge her and she WANTS a challenge. Women are competitive. They just hide it better than men. <br />
Are you going out and bedding every available woman? NO .. but if she sees that you are changing for the better and becoming someone that she finds desirable, OTHER WOMEN will see you in that way too. <br />
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When you talk to her, dont give up all the details. Take her to places where the staff knows you. If just one waiter (or waitress) knows you by name, she will see a social icon and a man about the town.

Okay so lets say in the next 30 days you DO NOT initiate contact, and when she does you are busy, or distracted and you dont talk about your relationship with her at all when you do talk ... eventually she is going to want to see you. <br />
Lets say she asks you to have lunch on a Sunday afternoon ... around 1130. <br />
You tell her you cant make it at 1130, but you can make it at 1230. <br />
WHY? <br />
You want her there on YOUR terms ... you want her to react to "the new and improved YOU". <br />
If she suggests a favorite spot, you do not accept and suggest a different location. Something new and "strange" to her. The trick is to make her see you in a new light, and that means a new setting as well.

You HAVE to become a challenge for her. She needs a man that she has to figure out. Someone she doesnt know everything about (because to (most) women that is boring). Start a new hobby that she knows nothing about. Something as simple as photography, playing the guitar or cooking. It shows that you have depth and committment. If you already do something else that she enjoys, improve on that. <br />
Do you have any fears that you feel you could over come? Take swimming lessons or work to overcome a fear she knows about. <br />
Someone mentioned working out. EXCELLENT advice. It improves your sex appeal AND it will boost your self confidence (which I am sure you could use). <br />
Now ... stay with me, I feel I have some great advice and there is a little more I wan to say ....

Potter has some good advice that I would like to add to .... <br />
STOP contact with her now. I know it doesnt make any sense, but women and their emotions are a force of nature that man will never completely grasp. Stop texting her and I will bet the farm she will call in a few days. When she calls, answer .. but be distracted, busy, or "just leaving" and let her know that you are okay but just too busy to talk. WHEN she asks what you are doing, generalize your response. Women LOVE a mystery and a man that she cant figure out, or doesnt know much about is going to be a challenge she can not turn away from. <br />
Its going to be hard, but you HAVE TO KEEP THIS going for a while. DO NOT give in if you want her back. <br />

The best way to win a woman back is to start to become the person they first fell in love with.Stop texting;she needs to miss you and feel what it is like with out you. You actually need to think about what it was that went wrong in the relationship so it can be repaired in the future. Right now you shouldn't even think about getting her back(neither of you sound ready as there is too much emotion and you would feel needy and have fear she will leave you again). You need to feel back in control of your emotions. However hard it is you have to find things that make you happy;it is when you stop contcating her, start exercising(looking good) and going out that she WILL be back in touch. I am trying to follow my own advice and although I want to text so badley(after 47 texts I think I have prob said all that needs to be said). i need to give him time to miss me and have to stop my path of self destruction and start looking and feeling human again. It is hard but I put on happy music only, go mates every night(they must be sick of me by now). He did love me but he wont love me when I am down and needy. I have to start looking and feeling good as it was the pocitive me that will make him remember what we had. And should she or in my case he not come back then we will both be a stronger and bettter person for it. You ahve an explanation, my ex refused to even text me or acknowledge me and all I got was the key through the door so it will help that you have answers and closure.

very similar to my story. it takes a long time. best of luck to you x

I really feel for you. You might want to look at the quiz at to see how your healing is going. The rest of the strategies on the website, and the e-guide itself, are so helpful too. They help match what you're feeling to what you can do about it. It hasn't ended my pain, but it's really helped.

Damn that was so sad to read. I'm so sorry