Where To Begin.....have I Really Suvived Yet?
It's been 4 weeks since my wife and I separated.
I have been living on my own in our family home for the whole time, while she’s been living with her brother.
I know this website is about sharing stories of Surviving Heartbreaks, and I know I haven't survived it by any means. However I think in order for me to survive this, I need to talk about it to people I don't know, to just write these words down and for me to get things off my chest.
Whiles it's 100% healthy and advisable to talk to friends and family, I think there will always be certain things that are not said or you remember something after the conversation is over etc, so I think doing this is my best way of putting things into perspective.
I love her, I miss her. We have not spent a day in the last 6 years not talking to each other, even if we just text/msn each other. Since living together, we have only spent a handful of days not actually seeing each other. So suffice to say, if have been in agony these past 4 weeks. I have been texting her, something’s more frequently than I should but I miss her, I miss not having her around to talk to. Even just silly little things that happened during the day. Funny observations I would normally tell her about...
I'm not going to go into details and bore people with why we split up, it's been very amicable and I hope it will remain that way. No one has done anything wrong so to speak. I still love her very very much and despite the pain and torment I have been through these last 4 weeks, I would take her back no questions asked.
Unfortunately, to start my healing process, I need to tell myself this will not happen; she is not going to come back. There has been opportunities where she could have but didn't. We have shared one night together in the last 4 weeks, it was the night she finally plucked up the courage and actually said it's over; before that, we were just taking time out from each other. Anyway, that night will always be remembered lovingly but at the same time, it will always haunt me. We talked, we cried, we laughed and we went to bed in each others arms. We woke up together; we held each other and talked cried and laughed some more. Then it was time to let her go.
This break up has been almost unbearable for me, but when the moment came where I know I had to let her go and anything we had is in the past, that was the single most painful moment I have ever experienced. My heart is breaking as I’m re-telling it.
I haven't got any tips on surviving heartbreak, cos I haven't survived this very well. 4 weeks out of 6 years is nothing, I need more time to process and more time to adjust. My mind hasn't gotten used to not having her around.
I miss her so so much