I Suvived...finally

I was not "cool" in high school.  I had a couple girl friends, but stuck to that group and didn't really reach out to anyone else.  Everyone probably thought I was stuck up and arrogant because I was so shy.

In fact, I was so shy - and especially anxious, that once I got my first car at sixteen, I learned how to ditch.  At first, I just did it once in awhile, with some girlfriends for lunch.  But, it started to get worse and worse.  Ditching for me became a great way to avoid my peers.  I didn't want them to stare at me and I didn't want them judging me.  It allowed me to avoid confrontation when I hadn't done that nights homework.  It allowed me to miss days when I would have to work on a group project.  

As my ditching started to increase, my anxiety towards the school increased as well.  I started having small panic attacks right before walking into a classroom, which scared me worse.

Mid-way through senior year, I was ditching everyday.  My panic attacks became severe, and I only went to class about once a week.  Unfortunately, by the time graduation came around, I was 5 credits short of getting my diploma.  I was allowed to walk with my class, but I couldn't receive my diploma, which wasn't a big deal - because I hated high school so much!  I was just really glad to get outta that place.

I took a year off from school and got a job - which was great for me, and it forced me to be more outgoing.  The next year, I decided to go to college (community, that is).  I signed up for several classes and ended up resorting back to my old ways.  I continued to have panic attacks before I stepped through the door to a classroom, always.  

I dropped my classes.

I was still determined to go to school.  The next semester I signed up for online classes.  But for some reason, I couldn't bare going - and was still having panic attacks.

Finally, about six months ago, I started seeing a therapist who has been helping me with life.  She got me through the issues I was having with school (although, they do resurface every now and then).  I even went back to my school, two years after that graduating ceremony, to finish the last 5 credits.  I had to go to a night school - but I finished the 5 credits, and received my diploma, from my own high school.

Now, I am back at community college, well into my first official, successful semester.  I plan to finish another year and a half here, then want to transfer into a 4-year school, and finally a graduate program so I can get a PhD in Political Science.

natriidethewaves natriidethewaves
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 5, 2010

Congraultions on going back to futher ur education, I am proud of u and I support u in this again congraultions:} Also people like urself, are not arragoent, u see the bigger photo in life and what's more important in life and that is what u said giving some things up for a while and then giving it a try again, u know the old saying is true practie makes perfect!!