Moving On

I met my husband in a pub. We were both habitual drinkers at the time. When we first began living together I realised he was actually alcohol dependent. His embarrassing and chaotic behaviour forced me to examine my own alcohol consumption and I promptly quit. After several years together, I had reached the end of my tether and issued my husband an ultimatum - me or drink. He chose me, or rather, I thought he chose me. The reality is, he chose amphetamines as replacement for alcohol. Psychosis ensued after months and months of drug abuse, followed by a deep, engulfing depression, countless stays at a psychiatric hospital and several suicide attempts.
Up until this point, we appeared to the outside world as the perfect couple. We were often called soul mates, were besotted with each other, had lovely home and good jobs. For over 3 years my husband battled his demons, all the while pushing me further away until we became virtual strangers and merely tolerated each other's presence. One evening I made a flippant remark about how I wished he had never stopped he started again. Drinking at work caused him to be suspended twice before being made redundant. With no job, no happiness and no prospects, my husband spent 16 hours a day in bed, and the other 8 drinking. After 6 months of this, he was rushed into hospital with severe stomach pains. He had contracted pancreatitis, due to alcoholism. 2 weeks later he was dead at the age of 40.
Today, 3 1/2 years after his premature death, I am trying to change my life around. I have made great progress thus far...I have moved house, become fiercely independent and am studying for a degree in person centred therapy. My aim is to counsel people whose lives have been adversely affected by alcohol. It's been a long, difficult road, one on which I falter many times, but I am here, I have plans and because of the death of the man I love, I now know what my purpose on earth is
mrssewie mrssewie
36-40, F
Jul 27, 2010