Thin Line Between Life And Death

I couldnt take the insomnia anymore. It was unbearable and I felt death would actually feel better once the initial shock was overcome. I would rather take the pain of dying than continue being dead while still breathing. So my son was playing outside in the living room, I loved him so much but felt he didnt deserve to see his mother this way. I locked the door and grabbed a chord, meanwhile he's outside, knocking saying "mommy, mommy"!!! I began squeezing the cable tighter. I could feel the pain melting away. But I did not go through with it. I kept hearing my baby call for me. I then went into the bathtub to try to drown myself. My boy came in and sat with me in the bathtub. How traumatic an experience for a 3 year old. I love him so much. I have been to hell many times. But I did not go to the worst one. If I had really killed myself, there would be no return from the despair of leaving my son. That would truly be a mistake. And I dont know if there would ever be redemption from that. Waiting for redemption would be even worse than what I was already experiencing. No matter your pain, please don't take your life from you!!! You mean a lot to someone. I love you and pray for you.....
sheekchic sheekchic
3 Responses Mar 23, 2011

Please seek help! I just lost my sister Allyson to suicide by hanging 6 weeks ago. My life and many others lives will never be the same. My Family, her friends, her boyfriend and I keep asking ourselves why? We keep trying to make sense of what she did. The thoughts of blaming ourselves for not seeing, not doing more for her are overwhelming! My poor mother and her boyfriend found her hanging in the garage! They both cannot get the image of her hanging there out of their heads. I picture it and try to figure out how and why she did this all the while sobbing uncontrollably. She must have felt so alone yet there were more than 300 people at her memorial. I tell you all of this hoping that you can see how the pain you feel now will be distributed to all the people who love you ten-fold if you kill yourself. Please get help if not because you want to live but to save the ones you love from the excruciating pain that you must be feeling. Tell someone the truth about how you are feeling, I wish i had known how my sister felt. But now she is gone and my heart feels like there is a hole in it where she belongs.

Sorry for your loss and I know those words aren't even enough... I feel your pain though of losing someone dear in this way. Your reply was a good one.."please get help"..yes I agree.. it seems that those introuble become quite good at coving up their if they dont want to burden their loved ones......Please burden us... we dont want to live without you. Great advice....Haleysmom94 peace be with you.

You have it right now. For your young one and for others who love you as well as for the opportunities for the future you may miss.<br />
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Hang in there. And never be reluctant to ask for help.<br />
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God bless you


5-HTP and melatonin are natural substances the humanb body makes from protein, specifically the tryptophan fraction of protein. You can easily buy them over the counter. I take both, but I think 5-HTP supplementation is more powerful for me than me than melatonin. I also take 100mg of prescribed Sertoquel. How well I could sleep without that I don't know. There is a lot of help for insomnia in nontoxic natural medicine. I know how insomnia can really drive you up the wall. Best wishes.