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I'm A Survivor

It's been nearly six and a half years since I survived my one suicide attempt. I was only 11 years old at the time, but life just didn't seem to be worth living anymore. Basically I felt like I was completely stupid, ugly, fat, and just worthless. I was constantly bullied at school, mainly by the "popular" crowd. This one guy in particular would always pretend that he liked me and ask me out in front of the entire class, humiliating me in the process. He encouraged everyone to participate and pretty much just turned them all against me when I tried telling the teacher what was going on and he got into trouble. He even got some of his other friends to "ask me out" multiple times. The girls in that group would ask me if I was a lesbian, call me fat, and just be complete ******* to me in general. I got to the point where I felt like even the very few people who claimed to be my friends just felt sorry for me and secretly hated me along with everyone else. I felt like my crying and complaining at home was a burden on my parents, so I just pretended everything was okay after a few months of that. When I was alone, i would think about how sorry everyone would be if I just didn't come to school one day and it was announced that i was dead. How guilty would my tormentors feel for making my life a living hell? How much regret would the teacher have for just dismissing me as a whiny kid when I reported that same guy for a second time? To this day I am not 100% sure why I decided to "give up" and take a handful of Tylenol one day, but I did. I went into my bedroom and laid down on my bed, hoping to die quickly. I soon fell asleep. Luckily for me, my mother came in to wake me up for dinner. I felt very dizzy and nauseous. My pupils were dilated and I was slurring my speech. Due to all of this she realized that something was very wrong. At first she and my father thought that i had been given drugs at school or that I had gotten into their liquor cabinet. Only a few minutes later I ran into the bathroom and vomited profusely. The fact that my mother woke me up in time is probably the only reason I am alive today. Back then and up until about 4 months ago my parents thought I was only sick with some kind of odd virus. I finally was able to talk about it to a few close friends last year and gained the courage to tell my parents this year. Until that point I had essentially blocked out how deeply depressed I was and how much I hated myself and everyone around me. Because of this experience I am a much stronger person than I was 6 years ago. I am going to be a university student soon, where I will pursue a career as a clinical psychologist. I am a Christian with strong beliefs and I believe that God let me live so I could help people going through the same things that I did. To anyone out there who feels like their their life isn't worth living: That is not true. Your life is worth it and you can do something great with it. Just give things a chance to get better and you will be okay :)
beachgal611 beachgal611 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 21, 2011

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I'm glad you survived. Suicide is not the answer.

glad your guardian angle prompted your mom to wake you when she did. Ever hear "He's Still Workin On Me" I think Candy Hemphill was the young lady that sang it back in the late 70's or early 80's. It is Southern Gosple

Never heard it, but I will definitely look it up :)