Suicide Attempt (sorry If It's Long)

I failed my third serious suicide attempt.
At just 16 years old...

Sorry if this is a bit long. But here's part of my story...

I don't know what I was thinking but I knew I wanted to stop feeling the way I did. I've always had trouble sleeping so I had sleeping pills (forgot the name). I was lying in bed, texting my boyfriend. He knew I cut myself often, had suicidal thoughts and acted on those thoughts a couple of times before. He didn't know what I was thinking at the time though and I didn't want him to know... not yet.

We started arguing and it pushed me over the edge so I took all the sleeping pills I had (I think it was only about 11) but I didn't feel like that was enough so I went into a drawer and pulled out painkillers. I took about 15 painkillers with alochol. By this time I found it hard to swallow more and the more I took the more I wanted to be sick, but I wasnt going to let that happen.

I started falling asleep and my boyfriend called me, he could tell something was wrong because I started slurring my words. He asked if I did anything stupid... I told him I took pills. He was crying on the phone, begging me to stop... He told me he loved me and tried to keep me awake. He told me he would come over or do something if he could but because he lives in a different country, there was nothing he could do.

After we said goodbye on the phone we continued texting and I started to feel weird, it kind of felt like being drunk... I felt numb and wanted to feel something so I grabbed my blades and started cutting my arms and legs... I don't remember much after that...

It actually felt great but I kept blacking out... I was scared... I don't know why I stopped... I wished I didn't.
Now i'm pleased I did. I'm glad to be alive.
Things might not be great but at least i'm not suicidal anymore and i'm trying to stop cutting.
HyperAngel HyperAngel
22-25, F
May 9, 2012