Jumping Out Of Car While Mother Was Driving.

Today I tried to kill myself. I dunno what it was, either the nerves  or the pain.  I tried jumping out of a car going 40 down the street. Two doors down my aunts house, imagine her walking outside and seeing me lying their dead. Scary right? I thought so too, but at that single moment everything stopped. Every sense of knowledge fell right threw my fingers. I felt peace for once, for once I felt calmness no yelling no screaming nothing. Then bam breaks hit, reality hits. Vulgar words spill from my mouth angry at the world. You ask why I did it? My mom took everything important to me, and yanked it from my Beeing . Lexus, Kayla, everyone! She just misunderstands everything. And when I tried to kill myself, the first thing she did was yell, the same thing that caused this mess. When I ran away the first thing she did was text me and ask where her charger was. But everyone swears she cares, I'm crying for hope (lexis and Kayla) but she cant get it. She's the green monster, she can't stand the fact that I love it over there. I dunno why I like it either, they give no sympathy no one ever listens to what I say. I know they don't care but I still try, I just wanna satisfy them. Where do I wanna be right now? I'm not sure, if it wasn't for Mrs.Christianson I'd be gone for good. I cry at the thought of being gone, how lex and Kayla would take it. How everyone would take it, I just wanna see who would care. 
Ughidkwhattoputdown Ughidkwhattoputdown
2 Responses May 16, 2012

my mom doesn't care ether, i honestly thought my mom was the only one who wouldnt care if i ran away! all she does is yell at me she never has money so one day i asked for some cash her answer was her chasing me up stairs in my room with a knife telling me she was gonna kill me. i've told her i wanted to kill myself and all she says is 'physco' trust me people have it worst and you might think you want to kill yourself dont. from what i just read you have 2 best friends would would die if you did. keep them! and dont try killing yourself again cause honestly if you do you'll just end up losing all your other friends trust me it happened to me. try to avoid your mom leave the house as much as you can go in your room blast your music i've done it the past 14 years.

I promise you it will get better. Think ahead years from now when you're far behind everything you're going through now. I know it's hard right now, but it will get better. I can stress that enough. I'll be praying for you.