Never Knew

My Name Is Alexis, And Iam A Sucidal Survivor. My Sucidal thoughts Started June 2012 Went I Went Into Deep Depression, After The Break Up With My Long Term Boyfriend, Off And On Off And On Again Boyfriend. I never went in Depression Before this was my first time ever in Depression I was not eating I was not sleeping I was having all of these negative thoughts I was in a Dark Place Where No One Would Wanted To Be In I Was Scared Everything In All I Cried And Cried For Days Weeks And Months When I Moved To New York I left everything in Maryland to get away from everyone to Focused on Me I was still Hurt But I kept my head high day by day. When I Came Back To Maryland I Made A Mistake To Had Started Seen My Off Again On Again Boyfriend Whom I Gived My Heart To Whom I Loved And Cared About Him Entirely So Much Never Knew I Would Care For Anyone Like How I Really Cared And Loved Him. It Was Early Friday Morning January 10th 2013 When I Almost Died When I Almost Killed Myself. He REALLY HURTED ME HURTED ME TO THE POINT THAT IT WAS AND STILL IS PAINFUL HOW CAN YOU CARE SO MUCH AND DO SO MUCH FOR A PERSON AND ALL THEY EVER DID WAS USED YOU AND THREW YOU AWAY AND LEAVE YOU IN DARKNESS AND PAIN I GIVED EVERYTHING I HAD TO HIM THAT NIGHT AS I SAT IN MY ROOM WITH MANY THOUGHTS WITH MY HEART ACHING HURTING WITH MY PAIN MANY THOUGHTS OF SUCIDAL I TOLD MYSELF I HAD NOTHING LEFT ON THIS EARTH BEING SELFISH OF NOT THINKING ABOUT MY ONE AND ONLY MOTHER. I CAN NEVER FORGET AS I WAS ADMITTED I THOUGHT TO MYSELF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? NEVER KNEW I WAS GOING TO END UP IN A PHYSIC UNIT NEVER THOUGHT NEVER KNEW I WOULD'VE EVER LET ANY ONE TAKE OVER ME LIKE HE DID NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD TRY TO KILL MYSELF THIS WAS NOT ME AS I GOT ALL THE ADVICES IN THE WORLD AND PAY ATTENTION AND WENT TO THERAPY GROUPS AND DIFFERENT GROUPS AT THE PHYSIC UNIT AT
WASHINGTON ADVENTIST HOSPITAL I STARTED FEELING OKAY I STARTED READING MY BIBLE MORE PRAYING EVERT NIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO BED AND WAKING UP READING THE BIBLE AND PRAYING AFTER I MADE A PATTERN AND STOOK TO IT BELIEVE ME ASKING GOD FOR HELP BELIEVING GOD TRUSTING GOD HAVING FAITH IN GOD AND READING THE BIBLE AND PRAYING IS THE ONLY THING THAT HELPED I FELT AND FEEL GOOD IF IT WAS NOT FOR GOD I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN HERE ON THIS EARTH IT TOOK ME TO BREAK DOWN TO REALIZE IT IS MAN ON THIS EARTH THEY WILL COME IN YOUR LIFE AND OUT THEY WILL HURT YOU SO MUCH AND MISTREAT YOU BUT IT TAKES YOU TO BE STRONG AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD GOD WILL PUT A MAN ONE DAY IN YOUR LIFE A MAN THAT LOVES YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE A MAN WHO WILL RESPECR YOU CARE FOR YOU HELP YOU PICK YOU UP WHEN YOU FALL UNCODTIONALLY. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST FOCUSED ON YOUR LIFE AND HELP YOURSELF AS GOD HELP YOU. GOD IS GOOD THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU JESUS.
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22-25
Jan 14, 2013