I Am Trying To Survive In A World I Wasn't Meant To Be In.

I am like all of you I unfortunalty am a survivor of abuse. It began at day one and continued for 18 years. I really dont know why. It just seems so unfair and now I struggle everyday just to keep going. Is life really supposed to be this much of a battle. Will I ever find peace and happiness. I long so much to erase the horrific memories in my head. I feel so trapped. I want so much to feel that I belong. People around me don't understand and just want me to get over it. I can't I don't know how. Can anyone help me?? I don't want to die but I do.
me2plz me2plz
31-35, F
2 Responses Jul 14, 2010

Carmen, people can heal from this, but it depends on the person. This will always be apart of our lives. We will always think of it, we can never forget, so it will always affect us. My best friend thinks like you, maybe more extreme. I feel distanced from her because she thinks I should just be over it, but I am dealing with 20 yrs of abuse and I am only 22. I do hope I find peace. I have been treated for almost 3 yrs too. I have so long to go=(. I hope your friends find peace and hope.<br />
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Me2pls: I often think of suicide, I often think I can't take this anymore. It always helps to speak to someone, the more you talk the better you will feel. Although now I am at the stage that I barely talk to my husband because I feel he is bored of the topic, even though he isn't. I am super insecure about it. Honey, I know what you're going through. You can make it through this, even if just barely. Don't give in! I often wish I could forget, I often wish I could be happy, and normal. In some ways I am, in some ways I will never be. that was stolen from me.

I have not been abused, but I know people who have, and I dont know if this is discouraging but what I have learnt from my dear friends and they are dear is that the damage to them has been done and even though the abuse does not happen anymore - It has affected their lives so dramatically, there personalities, Their way of thinking, they closed of and insecure, And me being an outsider not understanding them think that this should be treated then maybe they can heal. Am I wrong? I mean they were abused years years years ago ( I have two friend) and the hurt looks like it will never go away, I feel so sad for both my friends as its not nice to live all your life like that