I Am Precious <3

"When I was a child my daddy use to tell me he wanted to marry me."
(People try to say that they understand what I'm going through, but in all honesty not one of them would understand if it came up and bit em' in the ***.)

I've been through some pretty harsh things in my life not one of them is something anyone yet alone a child should have to endure. Everyone has a story; mostly untold, but I'm different I’m going to tell mine.

When I was about seven years old things started to finally go good I moved back in with my mom, but this time there were two new people her fiancé Chris(my new dad) and there bundle of joy; my new baby sister Devon Rose. Things went well for a while and we were becoming a happy little family. That fall my mom Holly started medical school and her new job, and i started 1st grade. I was a good student lots of friends and the happiest I'd ever been.

One warm fall day when I came home from school I was playing outside with friends when I heard my dad yell for me to come inside and get cleaned up for dinner. When I went inside my baby sister was sleeping on the couch with a pillow on the side of her. I was playing in my bedroom when I was reminded to get cleaned up. It was when I got into the shower that things took a turn from perfect to terrible. I was in the middle of washing my hair when I felt someone step into the shower; I knew I was no longer alone.

It was Devon’s cry that ended that awkward feeling; I thought that was it nothing else would come of it, but much much more did. See I was taught that there were bad people in this world that could hurt me, but what I wasn’t taught was that those people could be anyone even family. I guess I always thought nothing or know one could or would hurt me or want to, yeah I was way wrong. I underestimated the bad in the world. I never thought my perfect life and world could shatter in one day, but it did... (I wish I had a time machine)

Over the next few years things only got worse; By the time I was around thirteen life started to happen(ae, period hair growth ect.)And I had to hide it all because he was scared my mom would take me to the doctor to get checked out, and at that point I could only wish that she would.
I can remember one day like it was yesterday I told him I was telling my mom I didn’t care if she didn’t love me anymore because this was not fair. He began to threaten my sister my mom me and to kill himself, that’s what did it I couldn’t let him hurt them and I didn’t want someone to die because of me, as I got older I didn’t tell anyone because at that point I couldn’t take my sisters father from her or my mother’s husband.
One day in December my mom left Chris so I thought it was done and I wouldn’t have to worry anymore, but he didn’t go far two places over to be exact he was there for 2 months; it was in February that he actually left he moved to Pittsburgh. No wait still wasn’t over I had to go see him because he was my dad plus he wouldn’t let Devon see him if I wasn’t there. I never worried about him hurting Devon because he chose me because I was his step child I wasn’t really his and he fell in love with me the second he seen me; plus if I kept the secret she was safe.
Until she moved in with him I never worried about him hurting her, but then he had her in Pittsburgh and I was in Sligo, I couldn’t protect her anymore I couldn’t keep her safe, so what was the point of keeping his secret safe, what so he could find a new girl to hurt and could that be my baby sister. NO I couldn’t do it anymore; I began to have night terrors every time I slept.
One night in about October I was staying at my boyfriend (David) of seven months, he woke up with me throwing jabs and kicks at him because I woke up from a night terror and it wasn’t him that I seen laying beside me it was Chris, he gather words from what I was spewing at him and told me I had two days to speak up or he would. It was the next night I sat his mom down and asked her if I could talk to her the next morning about something very important, but then it rolled off of my tongue “Chris has been raping me since I was seven.” She started crying.
I went home that night and it was the hardest night of my life because I slept on the couch next to my mom knowing my secret was out and she would soon find out. The next morning me and my mom went to my boyfriend’s house for coffee and cards, his mom told me to go make coffee I was in the kitchen when I started crying about thirty seconds later my mom came in yelling and pleading for me to explain to her why I didn’t tell her years before and I explained everything.
She was going to kill him but I stood in her way and told her “Mom Chris took enough from me he isn’t taking you too.” She came back in and we all talked. She wanted to call the police, but I told her I refuse to testify I wasn’t ready.
Chris had no clue that the secret was out, until our roommate moved out and to Pittsburgh and told him, then is when I knew my sister was in danger because of someone that has two boys and would kill if someone hurt them and I grew up with those two boys but it was so easy for her to put my baby sister in danger and for that I will never forget her. She apologizes and says it was wrong of her but I’m not so sure that I believe her.
It wasn’t until the following summer I decided to go to SAFE and PASSAGES and they helped me and I didn’t feel so alone I felt like I could say how I was feeling and didn’t have to worry if I upset that person. I got my PFA by the end of that summer. I was in counseling at PASSAGES and PROJECT POINT OF LIGHT, up until my boyfriend left me. My back bone just walked away.
I got with a new guy after months of pain and crying, he didn’t understand that what happened took a toll on me, he led me down a road of drugs, sex and destruction. I started lying to my mom. I would tell her I was at school (lie) I would tell her I was at counseling (lie) I would be out having fun and getting high. 5 months flew by when he and I broke up. I was still getting high everyday then me and David got back together I stopped doing drugs at that point and I was getting back to my normal life and getting the relationship with my mom back.
Now it’s October (2 years later) and things haven’t really gotten anywhere Chris is free and I will be miserable until he is not. I don’t want him to hurt anyone else the way he hurt me. I will keep this fight going until I see justice, I’m putting him away for not just me but for my mom my sister my family and for every other person that went through that and is still suffering in silence. I know now that keeping that secret was a big mistake and I’m doing what’s right and I hope that everyone else that didn’t speak up will. Not one person in the world; young, old, boy, girl, black, white, pink or purple should have to go through what I did. And I will never understand Why Me.
AestheticXAngel AestheticXAngel
18-21, F
May 24, 2012