Is He Flirting Or Do I Have Erotomania?

It happens all the time now. I meet someone, a guy who seems nice and friendly. We chat. His eyes seem to sparkle, he seems to be interested in what I have to say. We laugh.

I get the idea that he likes me.

Then the thought strikes - was he really interested in me, or do I have erotomania?  Maybe I imagined signals of  interest or flirtation and am really delusional. It's a horrifying idea. What if I imagined the whole thing and were to carry on believing that he liked me that way? I would feel humiliated. I get nervous and flee, and put the thought out of my mind.

Necessarily, this puts a crimp in my social life.

It wasn't always this way. I used to flirt a lot, and date all the time, and it just wasn't a concern. Since I moved to a place where people are much more reserved and less communicative, it's become a real problem. Signals from a shy, quiet person can be hard to read, and I am shy as well. I have read up on this, and it seems that the erotomaniac sees courtship signals where there are none. Add to this the idea of secret signs and messages. What makes this difficult for me is a number of my friends work in the media, and it happens that they often include little messages, pictures, story ideas for friends and loved ones. A friend might say, oh, I put this funny in- joke  in that headline just for you, or ran a story on your favorite band. But sometimes, someone I think might have a crush on me might run a story on - in one notable case - a historical character with my own quite unusual name.  Did that mean he was thinking of me? Or am I being delusional?

It happens all the time. It happened earlier today with the pizza delivery guy. I could have sworn he was flirting with me. But...but...but...what if it was just all in my imagination?

It haunts me. it 's almost easier to believe that everyone dislikes me and is incapable of feeling attracted to me. That way I wouldn't have to wonder. But it leaves me feeling rather lonely all the same.


bunnymousekitt bunnymousekitt
31-35, F
5 Responses Feb 10, 2010

I hope it wont be found strange what I will write. I am dealing with solitude too and I know it can be quite the weight to deal with. But I've learned, or so I hope, that entering in relationships to get away from this isolation in my life is really not a very good idea.<br />
I don't know if you are isolated or you just feel lonely: in either case it is a hard time. We humans, I've been told, are social beings. So it is normal that you would feel the need to share moments of your day with others. Try to not focus on the "does he like me or not? " question and just focus on having decent fun with people. It's something I could easily tell myself too. I need to work on the same aspect of my social life: just focusing on light subjects and share pleasant moments with others, like skating or walking downtown or in a park.<br />
Another thing that comes to mind to tell you is that maybe your questioning shows an insecurity you have as to your personal value. In that case you might benefit from making a list of all your qualities (ask your friends to give you their feedback if it's hard for you to find ideas). We all have qualities and I think often enough they go by unnoticed. Have some decent fun without getting too serious so fast! Take care!

My instinct tells me in fact these people are flirting with you.<br />
I've seen your pics, you're beautiful!<br />
I've read some of your stories, you're brilliant! <br />
Likely if I ran into you, I would definitely be flirting, too <br />
;)<br />
<br />
I also think your questioning of whether or not you have some erotomania disorder is just a self defense mechanism to keep you from becoming disappointed or hurt, if you're the sensitive type. I think I may be, which is why this makes sense to me.<br />
<br />
One thing I can say for sure, when I'm flirting and am really interested in a girl, I try to keep the conversation going! I'll change subjects if that's what it takes, but keep talking, or listening...just keep it going! And when I'm really interested, I'll keep it going until there's an opportunity to set up a future "conversation", get an e-mail or phone number, ask her out on a date...whatever seems most appropriate.<br />
But there are all kinds of levels of flirting, aren't there? For instance, what if I was in a committed relationship and met someone and was really drawn to her, but was not in a place to keep the conversation going?? She'd probably notice some sign, some level of attraction. But then the interaction would most likely end abruptly, since after all i'm "in a committed relationship"...and I can see how in this example that would leave her confused.

I don't know much about it, but it doesn't seem like you have Erotomania to me. Like the first poster suggested, maybe you're just taking the flirting a little too seriously. You look like a very beautiful girl in your picture, and you seem nice enough as well. These people are probably flirting with you, but the fact that you think you might have Erotomania shows that you probably don't. If you can realize that you might be imagining things, then you're probably not delusional. I'm not a professional or anything, but that's what it seems like to me. Sometimes when a guy flirts with me, I start thinking he likes me too. Sometimes I imagine entire scenarios about him or us falling in love, etc. I think everyone does that sometimes! To me it just seems like you're a little bit of a dreamer, not delusional. :)

You say "Look Bad in Pictures." Is that yours in the avatar? I can't figure out how a beautiful blonde like you has managed to stay single till now.<br />
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Here's a good rule of thumb. If it's a married man, assume he's not flirting with you. If single, a safe bet that he is.

It's best not to take flirts too seriously, but enjoy them for what they are worth! Of course whoever flirts with you is sending a positive signal. Why should people not like you or even have a crush? You can have an awesome time if you get over the shyness.