Those two pesky little numbers...apparently they're supposed to be 120/80. Last I checked, it was 160/80. Sure, it was a creaky old machine, but that's not far from where it is on a good day (140/80), so I'd believe it was accurate enough, and I wasn't really having a bad day, no racing heart, headaches, or the like.

This gets me to sweating the small stuff. I'll be straight up, it matters. Nearly every stupid little thing has a greater consequence down the road. My boss being an incompetent, lazy idiot (this is a constant source of WTF rage moments) and not ordering enough drinks (they take months to expire, and we have tons of capital, so there's no excuse not to order in excess of anticipated need) means that we run out, then I have to deal with that whole mess. Someone in front of me hoity-toiting along at 15MPH under the limit sticks me at a red light, same for his brother that takes 5 seconds after a green light to MOVE. My roommate being too lazy to clean the hair out of his sink has snowballed into it being a disgusting, clogged mess.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. I'm that guy, worried about every detail, endlessly critical (and don't think for a minute this doesn't go double for myself), a minor screwup is the end of the world. It is a rare day I don't find myself in a frothing rage (I occasionally blow up, but I shove ten times that in) at work over the constant stupidity, or wherever. "Relax" is not a word in my vocabulary, save for alcohol-induced not giving a **** (which I love, by the way).

I try not to be this way, really, and there is occasional improvement. When I first started my job, two years ago, I used to work myself into an awful headache every day. Those are rare now, but they happen, and, damn, I don't want to be so pissed off all the time. I hate being on edge. Why must insight come with such a sharp, double-edged sword?

Maybe I need to find zen or something...
solowing solowing
26-30, M
3 Responses Sep 15, 2012

Speaking from experience, it's much easier to lose the weight while you're young. Keep an eye on the BP because it can cause many problems down the road for you.

I lost over 55 lbs last year from mostly walking exercise and now I'm off of HBP as well as cholesterol meds.

I actually did, after writing this story, lose something like another 30lbs, making for 40 lbs lost this year more or less merely by quitting fast food, soda, and putting a bare minimum of effort into not eating total garbage.

The blood pressure fell into line, back into the "normal" range.

I would love to help but I am frightfully in The same position ...I however have postural orthostatic tachycardia and notoriously low blood pressure ...all results from ehlers danlos syndrome.... Regardless I wish we could let go.... I find telling myself that I'm already fecked so if it isn't this issue or this mistake which results in disaster ...it will be some other one....it is oddly comforting ...

That's a worthwhile approach, with a grain of truth. If disaster is a high-wire act away from occurring, there are likely greater faults at play, in the case of my workplace things entirely out of my control, a concept which is far more uncomfortable than I'd like to admit, because it implies a control-freak impulse somewhere. When it comes down to it, I think I'd do well to try and temper my relentlessly negative expectations, i.e. I personally wouldn't flip out if some pizza guy took another five minutes to arrive, brought me not quite the right drink, or forgot a sauce cup, or whatever, and, truth be told, most people don't either (though some will make you take that second trip for a 49 cent garlic cup).

As for the hypertension, I'm going at that the boring, old-fashioned way, diet and exercise. Turns out, when your baseline is nothing but garbage, improvement is easy and has quick results. Also, preparing one's own food (not Larry the Cable guy hamburger helper, for heaven's sake) is easier than waiting in drive-thrus, cheaper, and better. Will the numbers improve? I don't know, but I've lost weight, so score for vanity points. I hate working out, but it really does work to shove anxiety away.

Try green shakes for breakfast.... I wholly believe in the power of diet and physical activities

I would hazard that your blood pressure is more about diet and lifestyle than stress. Perhaps your sleep issues are at cause. You need to move both numbers down down down and in order to do that, you need to exercise. There's no getting around it. Just a walk every day for about 20 minutes would help.

I'd hazard that you're right.