Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Not All Alone

Some days it can be so frustrating and so hard that you barely want to get out of bed. You hear "stay positive" and it "will be ok"
all the time and you just want to cry or yell or puke. Plenty of times I have felt like I have lost who I am to my body.
Choices and treatment are as limited. In this modern age of medicine, it comes down to educated guesses. It is hard to keep a positive
attitude and have a healthy body image. Even with all that, the choices are fight or give up. The days I want to give up the most remind me
why I need to keep fighting and pushing forward. Live and fight for yourself first. Know that even when you feel alone, your not alone.
Do something positive every day. Even the smallest positives are victories. Never be ashamed, love who you are.
AbbyVents AbbyVents 22-25, F 9 Responses Jul 18, 2011

Your Response


What is gigantomastia?? Big boobs

Abby, what would you like people to tell you to encourage you?

Great attitude you have! I cannot imagine how hard things can be for you. But I am impressed with your courage. Keep it up, and if you get down, decide how long you will be down, and get back up then! All the best.

Any better yet?

Your story is heartbreaking. Many people experience major setbacks in life, many of which cause changes it takes years to adapt to. I speak from experience. You mention it took you 6 yrs. to kind of come to terms w/the new situation. But you're still frustrated many of your days. But, as Milan Kundera puts it: "If your choices are completely free and without consequences, your life will be as easy as it will be meaningless". My somewhat distorted paraphrase of Kundera's so called Unbearable Lightness of Being. <br />
<br />
Your dilemma's and the way you deal with them widen your spectrum of sensitivity and make you a richer person, more valuable to your loved ones and others, more able to share and comprehend other's predicaments. You are actually ascending the staircase to enlightenment. Because it takes some getting used to, you sometimes feel you're not worthy of it. But you are! You may be very proud of that, it bestowes unsurpassed dignity upon you.

hi.. its seems like you are on the right path to think of yourself with a healthy self image.. continue down that road and you will be just fine

I really hope that a lot more people than me get the "thing" about that metaphor of yours, guidence 508 because it's really just that brilliant! Thank you for posting it and thank you for your empathic soul!<br />
At one point in my own life I regarded myself as being slightly handicapped by these two travel companions that somehow decided to accompany me on my road through life. Then some friend of mine told me that the word handicapped or disabled wasnt in line with what was "politically correct" (Ha!) in Finland/Sweden at that time - the politically correct terminology had switched from "disabled" to "functionally hindered". Well - I dont much applaud hiding reality by smart words but in this case I thought it actually made sense as it focuses on what means of aids we (any human being) need in a certain situation when we face obstacles ba<x>sed on the possibilities or functional limitations of our physical bodies - this instead of focusing on the disability of our body as such. <br />
Just a picture here to make my point - imagine that you suddenly realize you need to be in Philadelphia in 4 hours and that you now are in NYC. Well - to fix this challange you need something to aid you, right - since you cannt walk or even run that distance in 4 hours. Fortunately such needs of aids have been identified by society and industry and the actual aids have been invented, designed and improved over the years - aids that we call railways, motorways, trains and cars. And thats pretty smart an achievement for the monkey we still so much resemble, bodily and functionally...<br />
And now - most important of all - thank you for sharing, Abbyvents I feel my heart is out there - with you; for you - hang in there sweetie! All my best from Tonia

Abby,<br />
<br />
Hi. Why won't it be ok? (sounds stupid but humor me) <br />
You are not alone either in friends, family nor medical condition. Rare - ohh so very rare. Even the internet can seem empty. <br />
While it is unfair the "why me" is replaced by acceptance. <br />
(more seeminglly stupid stuff) Its kinda like Bethany being told she was going to Holland while all her Friends went to England. Bethany planed all her life to go to England. There is lots of help and people to talk to about England. Lots of stuff on the internet. Things she wanted to see and do that are "normal", part of her parents and friends lives. As she got ready to take off her ticket was replaced by one to Holland. <br />
Holland is a nice place. Good food. Good people. Nice weather. Bethany's friends would love to come visit but its not what Bethany had planned. Her friends could not relate. Her friends talked about England and how that was. Places she could barly visit. Boys she wanted to meet but treated her different. She was from Holland. That is all they saw. All they asked about. Sometimes Bethany's friends grew jealous. Boys saw something new and different. <br />
Sometimes Bethany felt odd. People would see her dressed differntly. Looking differently. She was from Holland. She never knew if their looks where ones of curuiosity, sympathy, lust or love. <br />
As the years past her list of things she wanted to do got filled out. Yes they where different but they where also meaningful - just not the way she planned. She laughed, had kids, went swimming, drove cars, had birthdays and holidays, saw the same movies and even found othe guy and women who saw here - not holland. <br />
<br />
Hope this helps. <br />
<br />
BTW no one from Holland was injured during the writing or filming of this post. We are eco-friendly using only recycled eleectrons and previously used english words. :) LOL<br />
<br />

Well said!