Sorry Girls I Lived It

It is true I live and passed for a woman many years. I hate myself for not staying that way but I freak out when I get too emotional. it was for that reason I stopped. I know who I am but my family wanted nothing to do with me. But I still loved them and I really could not stand not having them in my life...I knew about the attemps on my like from bring run into a pilon kind of like the stone walls most highways now have to having my brakes messed with tire messed with and poisoned. But when the TG in my tells me two weeks before her death that she knew and listen to everyone at my old work joke about killing me and such I freaked out she did not want to loose her job or something. What can I say really it was hard enough living through getting poison and then to find this out getting laid off a week later then she fell off her truck we both did dirt work moving rock and sand...she fell off and did not see a doctor had a heart attack and died. I felt so alone and wanted my mommy back in my life no matter how I had to get her which meant no more Kalista. I hate myself because of this and I still don't know what to do. I can't talk about it with anyone I have gone back to swollowing my emotions because boys don't cry. This might not be the place for here I am not sure where is it for other then I know what fear is like and worrying weather or not you pass. Only you can tell your self that. Just do a good job evnings are a little better and finding the right club can make it fun. The beach is a good place and a nice resturaunt just remember to bring cash so you don't have to worry about id and such. I do wish you all the best be strong at least stronger then me. And go and have fun you only live once.
solarregeneration solarregeneration
41-45, T
Jul 22, 2010