It started with just hating my own life ever since I was a child.
I mostly want to die myself. THe longer I live the more likely it is I'll hurt someone. I find that enjoyable to think about, it's like retribution.
Nixed Nixed
31-35, M
2 Responses Aug 26, 2014

Let me fill you in on something. There are thousands, if not millions of people with these thoughts, so don't feel like you are alone! I used to have them and it was even worse, but I was meant to be here so I can help others. Take it from me, what you are thinking is wrong, and maybe you like being wrong, the reason I say this is because I know there is a reason to live. A reason to do good. A reason to care! That reason is, that there is life after death in a place where pain does not exist and only love abounds. A place where there is only beauty, paradise. Why am I telling you this? Well, because there is only one way to get there, and thinking like you're thinking isn't gonna make it! You can say, blah, blah, blah and think that I'm an idiot but trust me, I've been where you are and I've been where I'm talking about, and it is worth the effort to find it! Do whatever it takes, you may think you are the smartest, so you can't take advice from someone and if that's the case, then you can find out for yourself, without anyone interjecting. Just pick up a King James version of the Bible and start reading it. Start wherever you want, old or new but just remember, I came here to tell you that it is real!!! If it doesn't work for you, maybe you could ask someone around you to help you understand. Well, that's all I can tell you, it's up to you, I was there, there is a God and Jesus saves...

If you say there's a creator then all I want to do is kill him.
I will not join the side of whoever made this piece of ****, I really just need some drugs to tolerate this before I kill someone. There has been so much death in my family that I'd feel too bad about killing myself now. My nephew would have nobody,my siblings would have nobody.
**** THIS **** TO HELL. And in the afterlife I will slit his throat and anyone in the way.

I know your pain! It is terrible for me to see others suffer so, and I am only saddened by it all. Hell indeed has raised itself to the very brim of society and the sins of man have reached unto the very brink of Heaven. Fortunately for all, God has made His plan to cut things short and that He will do. Believe me, I chose to be moral when I was a child, do all the right things, be a sweet boy, my grandparents would pinch my cheeks, family would pat me on the head in approval, people would stand aside for "the good little boy". The whole time, God was waiting to punish me because He knew, that I was going to sin "THE SIN" of the world and when he did, Hell's gates came to meet me at my darkest hour with Satan himself breathing down my neck. It was not until that very moment, that I realized that in fact, it was my disobedience to the Word of God that lead me there. Now, 25 years later, I have made similar mistakes but this time, God is still holding me because He promised He would never turn His back on me again. So I seek every day to remain in His loving grace. This, is a miracle and IF, you ask Jesus to forgive you, your life will be made whole as well... I pray for you, may God bless your tormented soul, in Jesus' name... Amen

I think about whether my dying would hurt certain people. I hope it would scar them for life knowing that they contributed to the pain that caused me to end my life. Sick eh?

It is pretty crazy. I though I was a moral person at some point, most of that went out the window. Because morality itself has only lead to bs. and being used, for me. Plus the entire world is really just interested in plopping out babies and cause more suffering. I will sterilize every single one so I won't be reborn. >.>