Along With Another One

I resented it, this little small thing, when it came into my life.  Resented that I was admitting defeat and giving into the fact that I could not find my own happiness, or contentment and had chosen to take the way of numbness.

I resented that I wrote less under it's power, yet much of my writing was tainted in the darkness of the pain that it numbed me from.

I was angry when the depressive episodes would start as felt that I had sacrificed feeling for nothing after all.

It keeps me on a plain and straight road - no skipping allowed, no walking on the grass, no picking of the flowers. 

And then it became ineffective

And i was put on different meds and they turned me into a complete zombie or terror depending on the day and dosage.

And then more Prozac was prescribed and my numbness became better than zombified episodes or suicidal feelings.

I still go off it randomly, still take my notions that my reports and writing read better, with more conviction and passion when I am off meds.  Basically those are the days that Flutter stays behind closed doors, writes all day and night and then takes about a week or two to get back to normal.

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2 Responses Feb 11, 2009

Wow...intense!<br />
<br />
This is day three for me and already I can tell a difference.