And He Answered.

I can't ever say I believed in God. He was just a story thst someone made up to keep people in line. Like kids and santa claus. It was almost funny to me that people would put their faith and trust in a figment of someones imagination. Then my baby died at 21 weeks and I kind of got it. Especially when due to complications afterwords left me "unable to concieve another child." People took comfort in the idea that the ones they love are in a better place with sunshine and rainbows. And that you will see them again someday. And if he were really there it pissed me off that he would take my baby from me. What a mean cruel horrible thing to do. One that I will never understand. And I guess when I say I talk to god it is more of a screaming match where I cuss him up and down and demand that he give my baby back to me. I had these talks with him countless days and nights. I insist that he made a mistake and he needs to fix it. He needed to give my baby back to me. And I was completely serious. Well one day during my rant, throwing things across the room and screaming at the top of my lungs for him to give her back to me... I stopped. There was kind of an eerie silence in the room like I wasn't alone, like there was someone listening. Someone was there with me. I acually expected to wake up and have my sweet kaitlyn back. But no. She was not there. And never will be. However the doctor that told me I would never have another baby was wrong. Two months later I learned that I was pregnant. With a beautiful baby girl. I went throug nine months of hell to get her here. Doctors telling me there was a new complication every appointment. But I knew he was with me and keeping this baby safe every day. !anuary 12 2010 I am the proud mother of a 9lb 3 oz beautiful baby girl. And I thank god for her every day
notinMIanymore notinMIanymore
31-35, F
Jul 25, 2010