My Loud Voice Makes Me Seem Obnoxious

My voice has always "carried" and been perceived as loud. I have been aware of this since I was a child.  I am now in my mid 40s and my loud voice has nearly gotten me fired at work, where I have been seen as "conversation dominating" and obnoxious by others. Help! How can I retrain myself to not talk so loud?
loudvoice11 loudvoice11
13 Responses May 28, 2011

I just wanna say to all the people with naturally loud voices, I'm sorry. I'm the type of person that would shush you. It's not that there's anything wrong with you. I'm a naturally quiet person and I'm constantly being told to speak up. But I can't stand loud talking. When someone is talking too loud it gives me extreme anxiety. I feel like I'm being yelled at. It triggers emotions I can't even explain. I have misophonia and my triggers are chewing, breathing, breathing while chewing(ugh) and loud talking. My mom has a very loud voice at times. Her volume will increase while talking about something, every time she talks to my step dad it sounds like an angry and passionate speech but I just feel like she's yelling at me. When her and my step dad wake up every morning they immediately start talking and laughing so loudly, I have a panic attack almost every time. For me, loud voices trigger the memories of past abuse. They trigger sad and angry emotions that I can't control.
But there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with having a naturally loud voice. Just because it triggers something bad in me doesn't mean it is bad, doesn't mean you are bad. I just wanted to share what it's like on the other side of the loudness problem. Of course not everyone has a problem with it for the reasons I do. Some people just think it's annoying, and I really don't think that's cool, but you have to understand that some people, like me, aren't just being ********. It's just that if you talk too loudly to me I'm going to have a panic attack. L

I too have a "Big Voice", I have tried everything from simply being conscious of it, to voice therapy. I can identify with everyone who has responded, but have no solution...except, accept yourself for who you are. I have been singled out, reprimanded, and shushed in the office I work in, when at least six others were in the conversation (however, I was told, my voice was all that could be heard), I've had my own family put me down, with sarcastic comments like "just yell, like you always do." My adult children are embarrassed to go places with me, and are constantly telling me I'm talking too loud. Most recently I was called into a court room on another person's behalf, and the Solicitor asked me to speak, then hushed me (I was speaking in what I considered to be my super quiet voice). I've cried, from hurt, anger, and embarrassment, I've prayed for a quieter voice, I've refused invitations, because I knew the atmosphere would not be conducive if I were to open my mouth for simple conversation, and I've even been so hurt, I would not leave my house for fear of embarrassment to myself or my family. All this, along with the first two things I mentioned in my post, and I still have a voice larger than people expect from my small 5'2" stature. At this point in my life (over 50), I simply give up! I will do my best, but most of all, I have learned to be kind to myself, and very sensitive to things others may not be able to control. For those who see loudness as a disability, they are insensitive to the truly disabled, and have no idea what a REAL disability is. Their day will come, and the harshness they have handed out, will be returned to them. Arrogance is only a temporary state, in this life. Everybody, stay strong, and be proud you have the ABILITY to speak. And, if you really want to drive the point home (that you're not going to quiet down), buy some earplugs in bulk and hand them out! : )

Add a response...

Hi. I am naturally a loud person too. People find me really annoying. It is hard to control my voice. When I am happy or exited, it gets even louder. It's especially hard when strangers you don't know come up to you and tell you to tone it down. What do they know about you. I am trying to control my loudness too. Just know that there are people out there, who feel like you do and understand what you are going through.

im 14 years old, 9th grade and female. i have been loud since i was loud. when i was first born my mother told me i cried so loud nurses from the hall way came to see what happened. i hate it because now i get poked fun at by both my peers and teachers. i have tried being quiet, but its not really something i am capable of doing. at some points i just feel like taking each individual vocal chord out and throwing them away. i really have no clue why i am sharing my expierience woth someone who asked for help, because i really dont have an answer, and for that i am quite sorry. i just want you to know that no matter what happens, with out the loud people, the world would go quiet. never let it get you down.

I used to get punched in school by kids who were accusing me of screaming. I wasn't screaming, I'm naturally loud. I went to school for classical singing, so my voice is even louder. I'm also passionate and get accused of being angry and belligerent when I'm just excited. It's a mixed blessing. I am adhering more and more to the saying, "Those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."

i do to

Same for me as with other problems of being different.

Others tend to look at a difference as being in the wrong or as a fault when it is strength.

I have started going to singing lessons and speakers’ clubs where my voice has done me well – but unfortunately when socialising it is not as popular.

Newton’s Third Law can be interpreted to read: To every act of fault-finding, there is an equal but opposite fault in the accuser. This means if someone tried to see you at fault, it is probably because they are jealous and haven’t got much in the way of strengths so trying to make your strength look a fault in order to bring you down to below their level.

Well I am 14 and I'm loud but it runs in the family. But all school I can't make friends I get bullied everyday and my dad abandoned me and won't talk to me anymore because I'm loud and obnoxious!!! And people are telling my to stop talking or to mellow out please if anyone has any help I don't want my high school to be like middle school

It's nice to hear that I am not alone. My issue is when I'm on the phone. It's hard cos 50% of my job is phoning people or answering the phone. I wouldn't say I'm really loud, it's just that I'm on the phone A LOT and work with people who write reports and need to read a lot. It's an open plan office and I am no way the loudest in there, but it's always me who gets dragged into the manager's office and asked to keep my voice low. I feel bullied over this. It's not like I do it on purpose and on occasion the line is bad or the other person hard of hearing! God I hate whiney people and now I sound like I'm whining, but I'm getting to the point where I'm going to explode. It's an open plan office-the layout of the office is the problem not me. I'm a happy and vibrant person, so am perceived as being loud I guess. However, if anyone has any tips on trying to lower the level of your voice, please message me back. I'm hoping all my loud sisters and brothers out there find a solution to there problems too.

Wow! your stories sounds almost identical to my situations except I am NOT a natual smiler so I'm also preceived as being "mean". I never realize that I am talking loud at any point in a conversation unless someone says, "why are you talking so loud?", or "Why are you yelling?". Evening the people that have known me for years seem not to accept that ONE quality as just being me. They don't seem to understand that I'm not mad or trying to be disrepectful, I'm just loud. I honestly believe that maybe because I hate being misunderstood, that somewhere in my subconscious I believe that if I speak louder my point will be clearer. I too hate speaking loud and feel a strong sense of frustration or hopelessness.

I have this problem too and saw a couple of sights that recommend speech therapy, this doesn't seem reasonable to me, I haven't a speech problem - in fact I am quite articulate - I am just loud I guess. I don't recognize or even hear myself the same way as others, thus even when whispering I am apparently still loud. I can think I am barely being heard yet others will "shuush" me. I don't know about anyone else but this is very bothersome to me. I am not trying to be loud and I work in a quite legal office I am repeatedly told how loud my voice is and it feels like a big ole wart on the end of my nose. I have spoken to the doctor and had my hearing checked - nothing wrong with me....I am constantly thinking about it and trying to be quite but fail repeatedly. I went through a period of "screw everyone else" like the coffee shop lady but this solves nothing just makes me defensive. I am so frustrated and so tired of hearing how loud I am.

I have the same problem, and I have had my hearing checked to no avail. I want to be conscious of it but honestly i just forget....I had an argument with a lady at the coffee shop today and afterwards I told her she was an ol' bat (well she really was). I don't know why people are more sinical about loud talkers than they are about, loud music or other annoyances. I just think people are just not flexible.

I've been doing some research on it because my "in laws" think I am loud. -begin rant- Well, I know I can be loud when I am excited or passionate. However, in any normal setting where the noise level is not busy or loud I feel like I am speaking normally. Still they seem to be somewhat bothered by it. However, I have often noticed, they had no problem getting loud on their own many times when they're joking around or telling childhood stories. Wow.
It hurts my feelings a lot when they say things to me and I can easily recall them being very loud during the meet up. /end rant

Okay got that off my chest for now... the research shows that it can be physical and/or psychological. Some of us are born with bigger larynx's and vocal cords and it can be inherited. I know it is in my family. All of us are loud starting from my Grandfather on my Mom's side. She too was loud as well. Psychologically, we tent to get even more loud when we're excited about something... so it can get quite alarming to some.

Most people can handle it and filter us just fine. Its those who have more sensitivity that can pick us up like radar and cringe. Sometimes it depends on where we are... like church, work or in a crowd or in a situation that deems us to lower our voices but we just seem to not realize our voices carry. I think I speak normally all the time *lol*

However, I am sensitive to loud tv sets and music. I know when its loud (especially music I don't like) and hate that.

A little late to this thread, but I made it a 2016 goal to figure out how to stop talking so loudly. My husband cringes at me, my co workers back away from me and look at me like I am crazy. I get looks all the time from strangers. Even when I am talking about sensitive, personal info....I still talk loud and have to be told to lower my voice. Funny thing, I was an extremely shy child/young adult, I hate attention, and like you I also HATE loud noises. I hate the sound of TV in the back ground and when my children are being loud, I jump. SOOOO, I think I have sensitive hearing, but I really can't hear myself be loud. I have joked that I need a hearing aid, just to turn my own voice up so I can quite down. It really sucks and I know others find loud talkers annoying. I get embarrassed and I really want help, but so far online I have found a lot of people with the same problem, but no real solutions. UGH