On Again Off Again With Work Spouse Is On Again

My emotional roller-coaster with the work spouse is on again.  We're at the point where we talk so much that I feel like he's stalking me, but I like it.  The last couple of weeks have been an emotional nightmare for me on a personal level; he's struggling emotionally with department changes at work.  We talk each other off the ledge daily . . . I write that in a joking manner but also know that we really true are the front line of support for each other.

I am always a little shocked when people tell me how much he talks about me, and how he tells people we are best friends, etc.  And I have come to grips with the fact that nothing physical will ever happen between us and moved on.  But there are still things I am not comfortable telling him.  I am so worried about disappointing him . . . my therapist finds it interesting that my connection is so strong with HIM that I care if HE finds out I had an affair, yet my husband knows, my mother knows, my female best friend knows, but work spouse can't find out.  I would die of embarassment if he knew; I know he would judge me harshly and I can't bear his disappointment.

So we talked at length tonight.  Again.  Talked about work, kids, music, food, each other, but not like that.

Story of my life.

sassyg1rl sassyg1rl
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 9, 2010

Today was really tough. Spent a significant part of the morning with my stalker, in person. He showed up at my office, unexpectedly, then played 20 questions about why I was so happy. Not awesome. Finally kicked him out of my office so I could go to an offsite meeting (aka therapist, none of his business); when I got back, he's sitting in my office waiting. Sigh. Didn't make any of my other meetings.<br />
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Therapist told me to kick him to the curb, draw better boundaries, etc. I don't have the energy. Can't one thing in my life be easy?