I talked to him for the first time in a couple weeks.
Its like breathing liquid fire. I am in such pain, i feel like the days are turning into years and really we've only been away a few days. I feel dead inside, like everything is stained and gray. Nothing feels real, reality and fantasy are the same. I just don't know how i can do this. i breath in and think, one more breath, one more breath. and then when i do another breath i think, okay. Good job, you can do this. i love you. you are not this weak person you think you are, you are kind and tender hearted and warm. My inner child that loved Him, i can't reprimand her. she believed in good. and she fought for it every day, fought for love and the small amount of goodness in my fiancé every day. that is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud of you. I talk to myself in third person and for some reason this helps.
Me and Him talked for hours and hours. It was mostly him explaining how he did NOT hook up with some chick after only two weeks of us being away. He thought his sister had told me about her. There is no love here, i keep thinking. I thought there was love but there is not. Someone who hurts me continuously does not love me. Love cannot be shown through words, only through action. and his actions are moot.
God has helped me. When i was at the deepest darkest depths of this ocean of hatred and spewing fire he pulled me out. He pushed me to my feet and held my hand as he led me out. He told me to go back home, to go back to my family, and go back to the LDS church. I have never felt the holy ghost more strongly than i have at this time of my life. I know god is working in my life this very second. I thank him for that
janexdoe janexdoe
22-25, F
Aug 17, 2014