Drug Addict, Gang Banger And Prostitute At 14It all started the day I was born, My dad was gone and my mom was working multiple job's to afford my sister and I, we stayed in our trailer or apartment at the time with one of her boyfriend's. Or staying at strange people's house who babysat us. Some were good, Some were bad. One boyfriend was named Dale, I will never forget that man. I was raped when I was 4. Something I can never forget I don't remember vivid detail I just remember the pain, his breath. And how he called it "Adult time." He did it to my sister too, But she doesn't remember she surpressed it. His son would lock us up in our toy chest or the closest for hour's. He would handcuff my sister to a chair and punch her and made me watch. My dad one day showed up at our door and took us away. I hardly knew him it was scary, But I quickly adapted to my new great life I had everything my family, friend's, clean clothes and awesome toys. Life was good but I did miss my mom a lot. She would write us everyday, When I was about 6 or 7 my Dad and his fiance who me and her were really close (Excellent role model in my life) split she moved away. It was just my sister me and him for a while he was broke but we made the best of it. My lack of diet though had me weighing at 40 pound's in second grade. My mom finally got enough money and moved to California we would get to see her on weekend's. She was poor but fed me good so I could gain weight. After having a couple boyfriend's she finally met Mike, I hated that man at first he seemed great, good father to his kid's and us. When I was 9 was when the abuse started to happen he was diagnosed with cancer and was an extreme alchoholic, At this time my grandmother and my great grandmother was diagnosed with cancer as well, I was diagnosed with a diesese as well. My mother had to take care of us all and raise 4 kid's I barely saw her at this time. She was working so much to pay off all the hospital bill's, I moved in with my mom because my father didn't want to deal with me when I was going through my illness. So I stayed home with my two sister's and mike. I went to school still and loved it there though it was my escape. Home life wasn't great at this time. We lived in a black mold infeseted house, And mike was drunk all the time he would come in our room and yell at us for listening to music, Then he would beat my older sister until she merely passed out. Or did. I would take my little sister and run into the bathroom and lock it and try to make her stop crying while we heard out sister plead him to stop or while he banged on the bathroom door trying to open it. We were lucky if we had all three of us in there safe. One night I was laying in bed awake thinking about a boy I had a crush on when Mike came in, He was drunk he walked up to my bunkbed and grabbed me by my hair and forced me to give him a ******* I was 10 he never really touched me just made me give him *******'s a couple time's a week. He alway's did it when my mom was gone and my older sister was asleep. I was always to afriad to scream for help, If we didn't listen to him he would make us line up in a row from tallest to shortest and yell at us, Or beat our *** with his belt. Which was better then Dale's bamboo stick. If I ever called my dad crying begging for him to pick me up. He said I was being over dramatic and wouldn't pick me up. Because I was to scared to really tell him, One day I scavaged up enough courage to tell my mom when it was just me and her. She started yelling at me and calling me a liar, I was a bad kid. I was imagining it all. I believed her I thought I was imagining it all, The molesting and abuse stopped when I was 12 he became to ill at this point, He died when I was 13 I swear I was so happy that day... Everyone else mourned over his death. They all thought he was a great man and father. I remember when my mom came in and told me to have my last word's with him. I went in there when he was on his hospice bed I took his hand and whispered to him "I hope you go to hell where you belong you sick bastard" He couldn't speak at this time to ill. When I was 13 I was living with my father and sister and brother. I grew a voice in my head that haunted me, Telling me to kill myself that I was a *****, A stupid kid, He told me to kill my family and my mother. He just wanted me to kill, It scared me I wasn't going to become a killer so I cut myself instead on my stomach and my leg's so no one could see them I hid it for 6 month's until my sister saw them accidently. They doped me up and sent me to a mental hospital were I stayed for 3 day's after that i got sent to another shortly after for another day then went for daily check up's. I just wanted to talk to my dad tell him what was wrong, But he wouldnt listen, He insited I was to fat and needed to change my diet that was my problem, My dad got deployed for 4 month's and during this time my sister and I got into a big fight and I wanted to scare her because I knew she thought I was pyscho I picked up a stapler and said "Before I murder you I am going to staple your face into a smile so that's all you can do." that freaked her out and she ran out of the house. I got kicked out, I truly wasn't being serious but I guess that's what I got coming to me. I had to move in with my mom I knew this wasnt going to be good. She lived in an apartment that was rat infested, moldy, sweage leakage. In a very ghetto neighborhood I was left to raising my little sister who was teribbly out of control. She would spit on me and chase me around the house with a knife. But I loved her and did my best to take care of her there was a neighbor girl named Shirly who would help me with her from time to time. I got her undercontrol and she became a very sweet girl when my mom wasn't around. I would panhandle for money so I could feed her, and get her new clothes but it wasn't enough. I was visiting my dad's house and I snuck my boyfriend into my room and I lost my virgininty to him at just a week of being 14. He ignored me for a week after that. and barely talk to me for the next month well my period was late and I freaked so I got some dollar store pregnancy test's. They were positive I cried my eye's out in the bathroom for an hour straight. I was so scared I disposed of the evidence and called him and told him, He was scared too. Well my mom found the wrapper but not the test she got a better one and it said negative. SO i was in the clear so I thought well we broke up after that because my older sister told him a big fat lie, Then made out with him. Shirly gave me an offer that was to good to be true, you see I was struggling to feed my little sister and protect us from the people in our neighborhood because we were easy trarget's to them. She said if I joined her group I would have protection and money, I said Im in, i got jumped in two day's later. I will never forget what it felt like to get jumped in and I will never forget what it felt like once I was apart of them (Not giving the name for saftey purposes) I was there sister we were a family. But there was a rule everything they did I had to do. If they did Coke I had to, If they were doing speed I had to, if they were popping pills or snorting oxy I had to if I didn't then there was painful consequences. I was also there guine pig to test "new drugs" for them. I did have the protection and I was making some money but selling drug's to the local banger's and addict's. It was just enough, But Shirley had an idea she saw me as something I could make a lot of money off of. My body I was 14 young and hardly expeirenced. She saw me as perfect, I never had to stand on a corner she found the customer's for me and I had to meet them in there hotel room's or car's. I would go for 400 for an hour and a half I never got to keep a cent of it. My first customer was a younger man he never told me his name he was rather quite. And rude, I was so scared to get murdered or anything. I was left alone in room's with these strange men I hated it, I felt so dirty and used. Not one of them seemed a bit concerned I was 14 they loved the fact actually, I was lucky enough to make some rules for myself. No *******'s. No anal. I was very lucky to have those rule's I only had about 17 customer's in about 2 month's before I finally got away, my mom moved and I moved out of the city with a close friend. They were pissed and found me but didn't kill me. They just liked to torment me and make me scared about being there threaten my family and ect.
During those couple month's of being a one of there sister's, I was a prostitute, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, An addict to Speed, Acid, Cocaine and Oxy, and triple C. I had a miscarriage of my baby, held my dying friend in my arm's, And lost a couple other friend's. Had gun's pointed at me, Knife fight's and stole and hurt a lot of innocent people because if I didn't my sister and I would become at stake.
I am 16 now and I been clean off Cocaine for a year, Clean from Speed and Acid for 11 months, And oxy for 11 and other pill's for 10 months. I haven't smoked a cigarette in 6 months... I have accomplished that what take's people year's. I escaped those girls alive, And my sister remained safe and healthy throughout it all which all that matter's. Now I live a happy life I still face my withdraw's and struggles everyday but I made it through and I am not giving up. I have a job where I work 6 days a week I attend an independent study program so I can catch up. Life has built me many brick wall's in my short time for being on this earth. And I broke down every single one of them and will break down any other one it will like to build for me again.
Don't ever give up. Don't ever let anything get you down, My life may have had some bump's but I was always grateful for my family, the food I had the clothe's I had the roof I had over my head. And my free education. Because there are so many kids out there who don't even have half of that. I truly love my life and who I am today. I serve my community and constantly do good deed's to pay off my debt to the people I have hurt in my past.
blackmos 16-17, F 11 Responses 5 Sep 29, 2012