About Me

Born in Germany nearly 47 years ago. From my father's side - he worked in the 50ies at the americans - there was a grandmother with native american roots, belonged to the onondaga-tribe. But this information was kept hidden and nobody spoke about those things. So me and my sister grow up with the knowledge to be geman kids with roots somewhere in polonia and russia, where my mother belongs to. All the time when I was a little girl there was a restlessness in me I couldn't describe. I was always on the run - this is till today the same. If the walls of the house get to narrow, there are too many people around me and they want to keep me in their circle, I sometimes have to escape. And I do as I always did - running in the fields, into the woods. My kids know this very well, they are grown up now, and if anybody comes into a wide open but empty house, they laugh and tell 'em: Don't worry, Mam is on the run. In a few hours she will be back again. So I did when I was a little girl, but nobody cares and I was glad about this. Spent all my time outside, all alone by watching the dear, and when it got dark and I could hardly see my way I came back, dirty with black feet. I hated shoes at all. When we had to get into our boots in winter, they didn't fit any more, because the feet weren't used to them. However, as my Dad died because of alcohol, my mother sorted out everything. His guns, old books, some of them handwritten, photographs and so on. I guess she found out that she wasn't married to a quite german man, as she wanted, when she came from the east, and decided to wipe out every trace to america. Unfortunately all men in my fathers line died because of alcohol, uncle, grandfather and so on. By coincedence I found an old picture which shows an old american indian lady and she looks like me. Therefore I kept it. The relationship between my mother and me is very bad, she stopped all contacts to america and to me. In her eyes I'm a gipsy, a not conformed crazy one and I think I remind her to this wiped-out traces. I shouldn't care about this all, but there is something in me that makes me searching and searching and I don't know for what!? Maybe I will always stay without an answer, but I found you and all the stories about people searching for their roots. It is difficult to find out where I belong to, my relatives are also russian, polish, hungarian, german... inside you are everything and nothing, like a leaf in the wind and your home will be whereever it blows you. I have two daughters, aged 22 and 20 and a son of 18. I left my husband 13 years ago and got divorced. The marriage was like a prison to me and he couldn't understand my runaways. Now I'm actually in a relationship, very happy relationship, with a 21 years older English man who has a very strong indian feeling inside and the same wish to freedom like me. He learnt a lot of indian tribes, ceremonies and we visit special meetings in whole germany and switzerland and austria. Now I feel a little more at home, but this restlessness will never end, I'm sure, as long as I live. All in all I have a good life, working as a saleswoman and do the tarot-cards for people who ask for advice. Get in trance and see behind the other side sometimes, where I get my knowledge what to do with certain persons. This ability unfortunately only my son has got. Will teach him this all later. Thanks to you all who read my story, maybe some of you will find themselves in my words. See you.

PS: I'm not used to computers and this technics, therefore please be lenient with me. I'm eager to chat, but I found out everything on my own without getting teached and it will last a little till I'm prepared to this all. But I will. And I have fears. Therefore I am careful. Thanks.

KF07051962 KF07051962
46-50, F
2 Responses Mar 11, 2009

Thanks for your sensitive answer. Feel well understood, thanks a lot !

Wow, you have quiet an interesting history. I really admire your courage to live as you feel not to conform to everyone's ways of living. Some truths will prevail but some will not. Nonetheless, you should continue living your life to the fullest, get as much info about your rich history as possible. All the best