It Was Either The Pole Or The Ledge...

From the outside, looking in, people think "she has got her ***** together". From the inside, looking out, the view of the World, how I see it is more bitter than sweet. I went to an unteenth-trillionth shark tank type meeting, only not with the people from the show. I am quite the think tank and am told by anyone who listens that I have some really great ideas. Then, why oh why did I not find out that I couldn’t afford a coffee for him and a tea for me until AFTER the meeting? Rather than coming across confident and ambitious, I would have been cast in a true light. So,  I took the train from my Park Avenue apartment (where I share a one bedroom convertible with 2 others; one of which is my Significant other) uptown and after yet another think tank of a meeting I had, where (luckily) the other party insisted on buying the beverages, I walked to the station and went to the metro card machine. And well, since I don't like using the word "assume" because we all know what THAT connotes, let's just say I presumed the money for the one way trip back would just be there. I cannot recall the last time I had ever felt so helpless and cheated, as I feel today. I actually thought someone robbed me. Then, I realized that wasn't exactly the case. This was cause of not just one bad decision, but many. In this case however, I was told that the scenario I created could actually be reversed. I believed that as much as when the bank told me that the unauthorized funds would be put back into my account, stay there. They also said I would not have a problem with the merchant through which the transaction was made. Rent was paid, having printed out a certified check just yesterday. Now, I just have to send it. However, here I a cross road. I can either alleviate the financial stress once again, though temporarily, by reversing the certified check amount back into my account, OR I can flounder in the misery, be humbled, and learn from and not repeat all of these mistakes once and for all. So, the story goes that in working with an In house Medicaid Waiver Program, I am told, some people are a few fries short of a happy meal, you know what I mean? The rub is I only found that out after having taken my client's word as gold, like I do ALL of my clients. What's more is, without getting final confirmation which should have come inform of a check for services to be performed, paid in full, like they've always been, I sent out a team of two to meet with the client who THEY made the appointment with when out at her home just the week prior. My client changed her old number due to personal reasons, gave me the new one, and since her voice mail was full and the person in charge of her count, who is the only one who can confirm it is simply not reachable on weekends, like most of my other accounts. They, unlike me are 9 to 5ers. Needless to say; no confirmation and we kept the appointment. After advised the last thing that I did via a text, "you can either reschedule tomorrow or you can go tomorrow, but since I haven't confirmation, let's just make it  a shorter day, seeing how this may have to come out of pocket; ha ha ha".  that was the night before. Then, I tried to catch my mistake. First thing the next morning, I called and I texted, I texted and I called. My crew was not reachable OR did not want to be reached, seeing how I promised them pay NO MATTER WHAT. On top of all this and not getting the pay, though I was told it would be authorized, and therefore covered, I didn't find out that said client was in a state of shock and awe as she answer the door to the same two people that she had made THAT appointment one short week ago. It was then that I should have known or asked, so were you welcome and actually able to work the 4 hours?... I told them I had sent their pay out early, to be received the same day they worked. Luckily, I didn't actually end up doing that. That's ok, because there's always PayPal. Pretty quick, right?  So, the very next day after they (supposedly) worked, I happily logged onto pay pal and paid two people for 4 hours of their work, ea. The amount ($280) is beside the point. I am a Woman of Principle, who apparently looks out for other before herself, and It wasn't about the money...until now. Interestingly enough, the In house Medicaid Waiver Program called, explaining to me that THEY are the only ones who can authorize and approve services, and only when you are paid is that authorization confirmed. They said, keep your fingers crossed and we'll let you know IF they decide to retroactively authorize payment. It was then, that I called the bank to put a block on all PayPal Transactions. Since it is not the Summer, when we are the busiest, this (fortunately and unfortunately) did not pose a problem...until I found out the following today. Though I did an ACH dispute with my bank, which stops whomever one is disputing against to TAKE your money, I had forgotten a very BIG minor detail, that I had given my ATM card number to PayPal. So, though I was saying NO! They were saying, YES, YES, YES. We are going to push this payment through one way or another. By this time, I had already clarified with my crew that since they were only out there for oh, a few minutes, I would honor a typical semi-low cancellation fee of $75 to each of them, thanking them for coming out...and RUINING this account for me. This is only crucial because my other 6 accounts are virtually nonexistent during the off-season, as in the Fall and Winter. It makes one wonder is it Seasonal on the West Coast or should one in my line of business just move THERE, where weather is not really the object of business or their lack of. So, the 2nd hit from PayPal came days later, when the Bank tells's too late. They've got it and they're not giving it back. Had I not held the money for the rent in the certified check, paid my crew; the 2 mentioned and another who did a Show with me recently, which I still haven't been paid on - another $350, I would have at least had something to my name. After paying rent, I didn't think $250 left in my bank account was the end of my world. It was the beginning of the end. -11.00 PLUS all of those bank fees; that's the end. My Father who I am always saying, we just don't get along - childhood grudges that won't let up and all of that. HE is the one who came through for me. Sure, he joined in the reprimand, as I was reprimanding myself over and over and over, like I do as much as I tell myself I am NEVER getting drunk again, and then I get just as debilitating of a hang-over... OK, OK, so they say that EACH FAILURE is one step closer to SUCESS. Why do I feel like I am going backwards? Well, the lessons learned here are to never keep an appointment that hadn't been (re) confirmed within 24 hours prior. Read the Merchant’s fine print and refer to it when you encounter something like this, as PayPal cuts you off COMPLETELY when you  dispute anything to do with them. It’s SO much fun having to tell each one of my revolving accounts why I had to start a new PayPal account again. When you encounter something like this. NEVER pay anyone before you get paid on the work they've done for you. Lastly, be frugal because you never know when the first shoe is going to drop and you can’t afford another...barbie doll shoe 

Anonablahblahblogger Anonablahblahblogger
31-35, F
Feb 24, 2010