I'm not talking about Christmas presents here. Because I'm old enough to actually think it's more fun to actually give Christmas presents, then to receive them.
No I'm talking everyday life here. I feel I'm constantly positive, giving, caring, full of empathy and trying my best to be there for my friends (the few still hanging around), and yet I get very little in return.
Doesn't matter that they know I'm struggling and that my issues in reality are far more difficult to handle.
It's still them who has to have the worst day, the worst pain, the worst boss and the worst family.
At times I kind of feel like that pathetic 5th wheel who has to give away stuff, in order to be part of the group.
And when I get that sensation that I'm about to become that person, I get confirmation from my friends, that they don't intend to stop me. They would rather accept those gifts and give nothing back.
Luckily I have family member of my own who tend to stop me, before it gets to that. But when I'm on my own it's a different story.
That some people pray on the weak, is nothing new. It has happened through generations anywhere, all the time.
But it sucks when it's your "friends" that behaves like that. I don't know, maybe the good in me kind of wishes that they would somehow come to their senses and stop. But it seems I have to tell them. And that's the hardest thing for me to do.
I am struggling between having friends who take advantage of my kindness, and having no friends at all.
I don't know what the worst part would be anymore. But I do know that I have to cut back. I get all sick inside when I feel I give everything and receive nothing. It has to stop. I get depressed each time it happens. I can't afford it. I have enough issues personally to be depressed about. Don't need another. And I wish my friends would see that, and start giving.
Skywalker1979 Skywalker1979
36-40, M
Aug 20, 2014