Often Times!

On EP, I share all... my emotions are true and there here to see. But, in real life, I often keep them hidden. The reason why is my upbringing. My mother raised us to be soldiers, in a way. Crying was not allowed, even if we hurt ourselves. :-o

We were to be tough and "never let them see you sweat". Crying and any emotion shown was viewed as being weak. And we did get into trouble for crying or showing any emotion, except for "happy" or "calm". Till this day, if I get hurt, I will not cry. I'll just curse and go, "Oww, oww, oww, oww, oww!" It takes a huge injury for me to cry now... like the time I fell as a young teen, and cut open my leg. And even as my mother was patching me up, she told me to shut up and stop crying. =p

Emotionally, I had been stone cold on the outside, for many years. But after my huge ordeal, when I was 21, of being tortured and almost killed. I began to cry openly... and A LOT! This pissed off my mother much and often she would get angry and beat me for it. That has now stopped and she's more tolerant of my tears, to an extent. :-/

But even so, I don't like for people to see me cry. And I will hold back the tears, even if it's understandable why I would cry. I just don't want to bother others or scare them, with my burst of emotions. :-)

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3 Responses Mar 1, 2009

I hold in my tears because i feel weak and a failure if i don't. Somehow when i was younger i managed to convert all the sadness and tears into anger. it doesn't make me feel any better though and people just become scared when i walk up to them. some even ran away. :(

I hide my emotions from most people and hold back my tears whenever i can. I don't like people to see me cry, it makes me feel weak. I have been like this for as long as i can remember....

I feel you, I have had to hide my feelings also...I am emotional, a little to much at times. But I am learning to keep them underwraps at times, unless I just can't hold it anylonger....then watch out, who ever is in the way!!