I The Battles Of A First Love

Depression Affecting My Weight..Is My Boyfriend To Blame?

By: Menty24

Written on February 19th, 2013

As you guys may know (if you read my first story "Uncertain Love") I went on a crazy rant about how I'm suspicious of my boyfriend. I got many different responses, some that were hard to read and some that helped ease the pain. Although I seemed okay, after logging off of EP I layed down and just thought and thought about everything. I felt like my boyfriend was making a path in my mind so he could walk without falling. He was just there. I couldn't get him out. I eventually cried and didn't exactly know why. I mean, it wasn't nothing worth crying over? Right..?

Just five days ago my boyfriend noticed I had gotten skinnier. He confirmed it yesterday night, as well as a friend who hadn't seen me in a while.
I must be depressed.

I have constant tug-of-wars in my head concerning my boyfriend. Constant thoughts of when, how, and why? Thoughts swirling in circles driving me beyond insane. I know what the problem is and I know how to solve it. But I cant bring myself to do it.

All I need to do is talk to him. I never really talk to him about this stuff that bothers me. I hold it in when I'm around him because I don't want to see him mad, frustrated, or out of touch. I don't want to be out of line. I like us when we seem perfect but Lord knows it hurts. It hurts to see him fall asleep so quickly after sex with me just laying there, watching him lay in his skin, just as handsome as could be and then the pain disappears for a minute and I think to my self, I want this forever. But do I really?

Do I want to pretend that our relationship is perfect and smile when my heart cries inside?

*Sigh* I just need that push to talk to him..
Its so hard in this game called Love, I never win..

By: Menty24

Age: 18-21 , Female

232 people have read this story

Email:

Username:

Password:

Birthday:

By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.

22 responses

loserwastedlife

Hi (^_^)/ i have never been with anyone in a relationship like you so my advice for you is may not be perfect. See you have a boyfriend who you make love to which says you have someone who loves you and whom you love which should be enough in itself, Just relax and trust him and love him and never fear because when you fear love fades, which is not a beautiful thing. You do not need to talk about this to anyone just relax and let go of your fears. The reason why guys fall asleep after doing it is biological, nature made them this way so this behavior can not be changed, this does not mean he does not love you.
Look at me read my story i am very pathetic loser, when you read my story you will cherish what you have , hahahaha i cherish what you have please love him and stay beautiful this is how i live my life i watch others in love and feel good.

Feb 20
1 like
- Menty24
  You have never been in a relationship so until you are in one, you will not understand. I cannot relax and just trust him, if I do that then I may get hurt even worst. Like everyone below me have said, it is best to talk about it with him then to sit in silence. I see where your coming from with the whole "biological" thing, but I still must talk to him when I have a problem. On another note, you calling yourself a pathetic loser is not amusing or right. It's disturbing and harsh to say about your self. I don't think you are a pathetic loser, and I don't think I will feed off of your hardships and appreciate what I have more for that is not my problem. I love my life and know there will be ups and downs. We as humans all have ups and downs some may be worst but regardless of what you go through I will still see you as the beautiful intelligent person you were born to be. Nothing will change my mind about that & it's nice to know you love seeing people in love but one day you will be in love and happy too. Anyway, thanks for your feedback Winnerfulfilledlife :) <3
  
  Feb 20
  1 like
- loserwastedlife
  You wish to talk to him about whatever see, the thing here is if he is actually cheating you he will lie and you will anyways never know, and if he loves you and he finds out that you do not trust him it will break his heart.
  
  Feb 20
  1 like
- Menty24
  ..Cheating is not the issue but I don't feel like explaining
  
  Feb 20
  1 like
aces4battle

List your concern and only talk about how he is involved, one topic at a time that is. You lose if you engage in everything at one time.

Feb 19
1 like
- Menty24
  Great idea.. the phone call starts at 8:30 tonight. I have to get myself together and my thoughts in line. Thanks for your help I'm going to make the list right now :)
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
peejay123

That's a problem with Personal Stories - they ALL have to start "I" !!!

Feb 19
1 like
- Menty24
  If your talking about the title that was a typo I hoped no one would notice lol : -/
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
- peejay123
  sorry, didn't mean to embarrass you :(
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
- Menty24
  No it's fine lol :)
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
AmbigousIntentions

Agreein with AnnSylvie here, its best to try and talk. The earlier the better. I believe personally, that relationships are about being honest with eachother and bein able to speak about how we truly feel. If not for ourselves, then for the other person too. One way of dealing with this to reflect on your self. Wouldnt you want someone to be honest with you? to talk to you about things of concern? if you find you are answering yes to those questions then I believe you ahve found your answer. Hope this helps you along your path. Peace, Love and Light always <3

Feb 19
1 like
- Menty24
  Thanks so much I will deffinately talk to him tonight :) *hugs*
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
- AmbigousIntentions
  *hugs* youre welcome. Lots of love always :) <3
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
AnnSylvie

Some relationships are fragile, yes, but especially it's in the heart You must look. He is probably full of quality, but dare not show. If something does not work well you must talk together at the earliest best. Never lag behind in such cases. This does not make things worse ...

Feb 19
2 likes
- Menty24
  Thanks AnnS <3
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
- AnnSylvie
  ♫•*•♪• * curtsy * ♫•*•♪•
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
RupertPenjab

If your "problems": real, or imagined, are affecting your health, then the time to seek some kind of resolution should be sooner, rather than later. Get talking, though it may take some doing, on your part, to get your boyfriend in the mood to talk, you NEED some resolution.

Feb 19
2 likes
- Menty24
  Imagined??
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
- RupertPenjab
  From what I understand the "difficulty" stems from you not being able to deliver sex "on demand". A mature individual can fully appreciate that there are times that one, or both, of you, simply do not "feel like it". Now, I'm not there, and I do not know exactly what has been said, in words, or otherwise, but I think most guys are not going to dwell on a simple refusal, and continue on with the relationship, that is, if it is a meaningful one. So, you could be, in truth, obsessing over nothing, with "things" sliding back to "normal", in short order. On the other hand, if "the relationship" is only about sex, then you have a "problem" beyond your simple refusal. It's hard, this giving of advice, by remote control, so to speak. Myself, I know there are times my partner simply does not "feel like it", so a cuddle has to suffice...... and you know, I'm good with that.
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
- Menty24
  I understand. No, our relationship is not all about sex, but I know sex is a major factor in our relationship. I'm starting to believe your right about this whole "obsessing over nothing" because when I see my boyfriend, he always seems like the beginning of the relationship, just happy to see me and all smily. I'm the one holding a small grudge because of what I've seen on FB or whatever, and I want to talk about it, but he doesn't know I've been creeping around on his Facebook and such, so in turn, has no idea whats bothering and would be shocked if I told him I depressed because of him. So yeah, I see what your saying. Thats a personal problem that I need to deal with, I need to work on myself and my relationship. Building the communication levels up.
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
Baaane

Communication is important in any relationship. Better that you talk, even if you end up having a row, than just let things stew.

Feb 19
3 likes
- Menty24
  Your so right..
  
  Feb 19
  1 like

I The Battles Of A First Love

Depression Affecting My Weight..Is My Boyfriend To Blame?

Your Response