Depression Affecting My Weight..Is My Boyfriend To Blame?As you guys may know (if you read my first story "Uncertain Love") I went on a crazy rant about how I'm suspicious of my boyfriend. I got many different responses, some that were hard to read and some that helped ease the pain. Although I seemed okay, after logging off of EP I layed down and just thought and thought about everything. I felt like my boyfriend was making a path in my mind so he could walk without falling. He was just there. I couldn't get him out. I eventually cried and didn't exactly know why. I mean, it wasn't nothing worth crying over? Right..?
Just five days ago my boyfriend noticed I had gotten skinnier. He confirmed it yesterday night, as well as a friend who hadn't seen me in a while.
I must be depressed.
I have constant tug-of-wars in my head concerning my boyfriend. Constant thoughts of when, how, and why? Thoughts swirling in circles driving me beyond insane. I know what the problem is and I know how to solve it. But I cant bring myself to do it.
All I need to do is talk to him. I never really talk to him about this stuff that bothers me. I hold it in when I'm around him because I don't want to see him mad, frustrated, or out of touch. I don't want to be out of line. I like us when we seem perfect but Lord knows it hurts. It hurts to see him fall asleep so quickly after sex with me just laying there, watching him lay in his skin, just as handsome as could be and then the pain disappears for a minute and I think to my self, I want this forever. But do I really?
Do I want to pretend that our relationship is perfect and smile when my heart cries inside?
*Sigh* I just need that push to talk to him..
Its so hard in this game called Love, I never win..