Mother

My mother is bi-polar, manic depressive...  I've dealt with her depression and her anger "temper tantrums" She just woke up, I am 19 I live with my parents...  The first word out of her mouth every morning is my name, she screams it from her bed as most times I lay on the living room floor... She just told me to go to the store, at which my father said "here's $20 son, go to get the dish soap, daughter is sick"  Mother had a hissy fit, "Why is she sick?"  Mother is very spoiled and has a low tolerance for pain, admittedly.  I love my mother and want to make her proud and for her to love me, but I sometimes don't feel like her daughter, I am mother's slave to get her coffee or cigarrettes, or anything right outside her arms reach.  I am me, I am breezybumblebee.

breezybumblebee breezybumblebee
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 6, 2009

breezy don't feel so trapped in your mothers abuse... because that is what it is.<br />
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My Mum is bi-polar... it is a very negative, selfish and cruel illness but I feel like they play on it. It is a game, a sick game that you are being made a part of... you do need to get out so you see the world for what it is... and what it is is not the world your Mum has created for herself.<br />
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I know you feel trapped and consumed by it, that it is your normality and you're used to it so it's ok, but it's not ok. She has chosen to give in to the illness and not help herself, instead using you for what she needs and for someone to take her moods out on. That DOESN'T have to be your life though!! By giving in and allowing it, you are allowing her to make you into the negative person she is!! Don't give in, get counselling, get yourself out with friends and get out period! Yoiu're 19 so you are not a child legally, you have got choices so start looking at them as you will be much happier away from this prison you sound like you live in.<br />
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I made the choice to leave, I left when I was 17 and the weight that was lifter was immense. I was so immersed in her little world, I had no life of my own! But now I do and I don't give in to guilt trips and poor her. Not poor her, poor me for having to live with that!!<br />
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There is plenty of treatment out there for bi-polar, if she chooses not to get it that's her choice but don't you be sucked into feeling sorry for her, she is making her own bed and lying in it!<br />
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N xxx

If she wasn't living her life... She lives her life the way she likes it, and my life as well, just as she likes it... I love my mother, but I will be leaving eventually. That part scares me, I need wings, I can't seem to find them under her pillow, or under her bed, or in her closet... :(