Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Aunt Mary Was A Meanie

Aunt Many was a blt of a religious fanatic...always with the roasary beads and novenas. She never married and was really my Mother's Grandmother's sister. When Aunt Mary came to visit, we all suffered. It was a small apartment with my folks and 2 young kids...not really enough room for visitors. I never saw her smile. Twice she tried to burn the house down...everyone said it was an accident...or that she was losing it... to my young eyes she did it on purpose.

Yep Aunt Mary had a mean streak. It dominated her personality. From the age of 3 and my earliest memories of her, I sure didin't like her, Aunt Mary always came visiting  with money...$10 for my brother and $1 for much as she didn't  like me, she loved my brother. And being a kid he rose to the occasion. The more my brother acted up the more Aunt Mary praised him and the more she blamed me...Aunt Mary was quite a liar..." I saw Frito hit him!"  "Frito started it." My exasperated Mother didn't care who started it...she just wanted it to stop cause Mom already had her hands full dealing with Aunt Mary....taking her to visit with the prients, taking her to religious shrines,  getting the family up early to pray the roasary...all this piety and then taking whacks at me when my folks weren't looking.

Aunt Mary lived with us for a few miserable years. She floated through the tiny apartment in a black nighty, often declaring she was dying and needed the priest. My father would be dispatched to get one and invariabally she would make a miraculous recovery . After the 2nd fire she went into a religious home she picked out. Every Sunday for 6 years we would ride 2 buses over 50 minutes to visit her.  Aunt Mary was never happy to see us. It was my job to find her...and I knew just where to go...I'd find her on her knees in church, probably praying for the sinners in her family.

When I was 9 I refused to visit her ever again. It was the emancipation of Frito. The home had called and said she might not live through Christmas.  My Dad was working on Christmas Day, my Mom was sick and in bed so my brother and I were given her wrapped present and sent by bus to deliver it. .My brother, being older and much wiser sent me in alone to face her...The nuns grimly led me to her room, and there she pulled herself up and screamed...."get out ...get out...I don't want you...where's your Mother...wheres's your brother? get out of here now"  Quite a performance for an old lady on her deathbed.

I won't lie. At first I was traumatized...cried all the way home on the bus. And no one made me visit her for a long timne.
Aunt Mary lived several more years and I spent my time at that home talking with much kinder souls. There were some wonderful elderly folks there and we actually like each other.

frito414 frito414 56-60, F 69 Responses Jun 20, 2010

Your Response


**** aunt Mary... may she burn in hell eternally for treating a child, or anybody else for that matter, so horribly. I don't give a **** what she may or may not have endured in her childhood. To me, the key here is to not "forgive" that mean evil nasty *****, but to move past the abuse she dished out.

hI<br />

Sounds like a Mary I know she smokes the ****, and is over 60/70 years old.<br />
Mary aint no Saint.<br />
<br />
(Also older religious people can tend to be pretty judgmental and closed minded. The safety of fear and judgement. Protected by the Church. )

Well written. My father would go visit my grandfather and I had to sit in the car and wait which bothered me because my grandfather was my friend when I was a little kid because he cared about me and I didn't think my parents did.

i wonder if there was some kind of dimentia involved here..................not that it makes it any easier,,,,,,,,,.

Sounds like the perfect lesson in how to deal with difficult people. I hate to imagine what a life it must have taken to cause a personality like that to form... Catholic orphanage is my guess.

sounds like she was a nut case to me!

Oh boy, she was something else! I remember friends having mean Aunts or Uncles or Grandparents when younger. I hope those "old school fanatics" don't have the power they use to. Please tell me that we're enlightened enough not to let them rule families anymore. They are the last people that should have any say in the family. I have a mean sister who acts like this but I wouldn't give her a chance to harm one of my children. If she can't be nice and treat them with love, they don't need to have a relationship with her.

What ever happened to the *****? She sounded like a nasty piece of work.

I know someone like that at work, I call her "Mean Girl", She instigates fights at work and throws co-workers under the bus by telling stories to the boss. I could go on, but I'm lucky in comparison to you, because I'm not related to her nor do I have to visit or live with her. "Mean Girl' is a terror. I never met anyone as mean as her. I feel sorry you had to endure such a toxic relative. I don't feel your family stepped up to the plate; they knew what was going on. Aunt Mary intimidated and scared them enough to not do something about that cruel behavior towards you. Why did your mother let such a terrible person into your life? Relative or not, she deserved to be scorned from your family. So called 'people' like that die in nursing homes all alone. You reap what you sow.

Many of us @ EP had mean-spirited, favorite-playing relatives or even parents! Some blamed G-d, some denied blame, some refused to admit reality as we experienced it. Please note G-d DOESN'T APPROVE of insincere "piety." Jesus's harshest criticisms were for the Pharisees, the religious hypocrites of His day. He embraced the poor, sick, lonely, and outcast sinners such as we are, and declared He came for US. This is the real "reason for the season." Way too much commercial hype and inflated Currier & Ives/Norman Rockwell expectations obscure its true meaning and value. Do something for those less fortunate than you today: if you're reading this, you can afford a home, electricity, a computer and you have your eyesight, so right there you have more than MANY people. Even if you're home sick, you can donate on-line to help people or animals--doesn't matter how little, if everyone who could give $2 to a charity did it, there'd be millions! You will feel better about yourself and about Christmas if you do this, I guarantee it.

why is it allways the religious people who go nuts????!!! i have a brother who claims to be religious but he sure dont act like he is............ if you dont belive in his god then he comdems you to hell........YEA RIGHT LOl

Yeah, it seems that way.I think it's partly that their religion tells them that it's okay to see and hear things that aren't there, and people already having these psychotic hallucinations are drawn to religions. Then, there's the condemnation angle - and the book they';re reading can be used to justify condemnation for anything - from stealing and murdering, to failing to beat one's children (to death under some conditions), to justifying impregnating one's own daughters, to killing infants and pregnant women, to taking female captives as "sex slaves". Most people don't go along with those things in their holy book, but they're there.

I'm not coming down on people who use whatever religion they have to try to lead a better life or make themselves better people, but too many people use it in reverse.

phred yep ur right they do

I have an aunt who is like your aunt Mary; except my aunt is the mediator in our family. Mean, controlling, vindictive, "always is right" and one lonely lady. We all love her but cant stand her at the same time.

aww!is there something you did so she wouldnt like you?

Brought tears to my eyes~i can seriously relate to you maam

I am so glad I never had to deal with that. I would have lost my sanity and probably killed her if she was my aunt. I mean when I have to be around people I can't stand, sometimes it takes all I've got to keep myself in control.

This is brilliant.

psh i wouldn't go see her either lol

Thank God, you can laugh now. Maybe she was bipolar. We are told to help the weak and afficted. She was afflicted in mind and attitude.<br />
<br />
I had to work 2 years around such a person. She prayed a lot too. She sang the most beautiful melodies, alone, at the altar, praying to God. She was a different person at the altar. I once heard her say to God,"I'm going to be good. I'm going to be nice.," but she wasn't for a long time. She eventually changed and became like an angel. Hope you Aunt is RIP.

Thank God, you can laugh. Maybe she was bipolar. We are told to help the weak and afficted. She was afflicted in mind and attitude.<br />
<br />
I had to work 2 years around such a person. She prayed a lot too. She sang the most beautiful melodies, alone, at the altar, praying to God. She was a different person at the altar. I once heard her say to God,"I'm going to be good. I'm going to be nice.," but she wasn't for a long time. She eventually changed and became like an angel. Hope you Aunt is RIP.

wow what a miserable person you had to deal with. Those are not the kind of people who should call themselves spiritual. She sounds mental. Glad its over for you, hope things are better.


She deserves it.

Thanks humingis....I love your last line about the "bad boss!"<br />
<br />
And thanks fifth...there were lots of lovely folks in the home that were wonderful!

Yeah i've got some crazy mean great aunts. It's usually attributed to their age. They didn't used to be that way by all accounts. It sucks when someone you have to respect treats you horribly. That's like a bad boss but you don't get paid... Condolences.

there are kinds of people in the world who consider themselves better just because they are religious. but being religious don't matter to God, i guess. God wants us to worship him, follow his commands, love him, trust him and the likes. He wants us to show the love not only to him but more of to others who are our brothers and sisters by faith. <br />
<br />
Maybe your aunt has her reasons why she hate you. Just try to understand whatever reasons she may have for liking your brother and disliking you. You don't know the story behind her and why she is acting that way. and another, we cant please everybody. don't mind her if she doesn't want to be minded. still, you sure got companies that treat you nicely.

You're right Tas...she was quite the character! :)<br />
<br />
Datura...I can't believe Aunt Mary had an evil twin!!!...your Aunt Nan. Hahaha I forgot about those awful, she kicked your shins....she sounds like a more evil meanie than Aunt Mary.

How did I miss this terrific story?! Frito, You took me right back to memories of my own childhood! Aunt Nan was her name and she lived next door with my grandmother, her sister. She too spent a lot of time praying loudly for all of us sinners and telling us all the reasons we were going to go to hell. She despised me, although in front of Grandma she patted my head and said I was such a dear little thing. When no one was looking she pinched me in the arm...hard! And kicked my shin. I was terrified of her and her black lace up old lady shoes!

Family characters are fun to write about .. but usually no fun to live with ..

Thank you Veronicamonica and Lunarstrings. It was a long time ago and no it didn't make me bitter....I think we all knew she was somewhat off...thank you both for your comments!

i'm so sorry you had to go through this kind of situation. just make sure you never lose hope in happiness whenever people make you sad. it's always a phase and soon will be over! huggssz

oh no so sorry for what you went through.hopefully you made it through all that unscathed.i think you should feel sorry for your aunt,im sure she was inwardly suffering pain in some form or the other but just didnt know how to communicate it to anyone.i hope you dont harbor feelings of resentment towards sound like a really nice person.i think that experience has made you stronger but at the same time i reallyhope iy hasnt put you off religion because aunty dearest mustve painted it in a completely wrong light and it might just have put you off

oh no so sorry for what you went through.hopefully you made it through all that unscathed.i think you should feel sorry for your aunt,im sure she was inwardly suffering pain in some form or the other but just didnt know how to communicate it to anyone.i hope you dont harbor feelings of resentment towards sound like a really nice person.i think that experience has made you stronger but at the same time i reallyhope iy hasnt put you off religion because aunty dearest mustve painted it in a completely wrong light and it might just have put you off

She sounds a lot like my "sister"! She is not only mean, she has a downright vicious and envious personality!! Her claim to fame is not so much religion,( although she thinks it is her God- given right to judge and point fingers at others she considers to be "trash") it is a higher education, and I think it went to her head !!!!( Feel free to read my article " We were Wrongly Accused of Not Feeding our Son" to under stand what she is up to!!) I wonder what my sons will think of her when they are adults!!( My 11 year old is rapidly loosing all respect for her!!) I just think some people are so miserable with their own lives, they want others to be miserable with them!!!!!

Thank you Swissysxy.<br />
Barbara, not to worry. I don't hate...she was what she was and we all knew she was a character. Thank you.

I really don't know what to say, but it seems there is always one such as your Aunt Mary in every household. Why they are the way they are, I really don't know. To say she is wicked is much too simple. It takes a more indepth answer that one I can give, but she was mean and had early on learned to cloak it with religiousity. Sorry you were the one she picked on. Very sorry. This was sad. Hope you can get over this and not hate.

Montarlot, She was a meanie...who knows what caused it or why...sadly I think her connection to religion didn't help her much. Thanks.<br />
<br />
4vrUnique, thanks, it was a long time ago and families did seem to put up with this stuff...kinda reminds me of some stories I've heard about American Thanksgiving dinners and the family antics at many. My empathy for you own experiences.

I think its amazing that some people can get away with being rude, mean and unpleasant and their families put up with it no matter what, even if they don't really like this relative. <br />
<br />
Sorry you had to endure so many years of uncomfortable interactions. Believe me I've been their and done that.

People use religion to cover up and excuse their failings. It is my experience that the more religious a person is the more lacking they are emotionally. You need to reassure yourself that you are a far far better person than this crazy woman who needed religion as a blanket. I have a sister like that and I avoid her like the plague which is honestly the only thing one can do otherwise they drag you down with them in their misery. In our world's history and even today some of the cruelest people are the most religious.

Thank you. <br />
Mysticskye, she probably had some issues all right. Must have been very confusing for you growing up with a grandmother who was so different in public than in private.<br />
Jdog20, ..we're all human...I was a kid but I was pissed at an afult I can sort of see it from many perspectives incluidng some warped humor.

Your aunt is creepy. In the beggining I probably would hav went to the bathroom and waited till we had to leave to get out. You must be pretty strong to be able to deal with your aunt I might have been pissed at her from the beggining and woul not have been able to love her even though she would have been family.


It sounds like your Aunt Mary may have had a mental illness. I know all about the inconsistencies and craziness because i grew up with my grandmother, who was paranoid, depressed and extremely anxious. She treated me one way in private and another in public. Thank you for sharing your story :)

mmmmm, i had an aunt mary too. but instead of her visiting my family, from the age of 14 until i was 20, i was sent to her for her 'special' discipline. spankings were the norm for her, and she didn't care if other visitors were there.<br />
as a result, i now crave for this treatment. i hope the next lady in my life reads this and acts accordingly<br />

Sounds like you have found "words of reconciliation" that work for you.<br />
I so agree about forgiveness...however no one can ever presume to tell another what they need for their "spiritual recovery."

Here is what is needed for your complete spiritual recovery. Words that should have been spoken to your aunt. "How can we stand before God if we cannot forgive eachother." They are words of reconciliation that set you free.

I love "Mental Vacination"....and you are right...after knowing her I would NEVER want to emulate her behavior. Thanks.

Oh Lauren I sure hope all of us didn't have one....Icky Aunt Carey and meanie Aunt Mary...hopefully they wouldn't get away with some of their escapades today!

Thanks Sameolestory! They let the visiting ride for a while and then when I started going again I rarely talked with her...there were lots of kinder people there. :)

Thanks Wiseowl, , that's so true. .. elder family members were given respect no matter how off the wall they were. ..sorry you experienced your own "meanie." Don't know if they got peace but most likely everyone around them felt more peacefil..and that's just so sad.

Drew I loved "Fried green Tomatoes" i feel the urge it see it again. You're sooo right...I have a vague memory of "Aunt Edna" and it's not a good one....<br />
Oh but what a WONDERFUL friendship Kathy's character had with Twanda.!!<br />
And I'm grinning too. :)<br />
<br />
Fungirl, she was and who really know why...sad part is she could have had a loving relationship...who knows what happened to her to bring out such misery. Thanks for commenting. :)<br />
<br />
Pedro, Aunt Mary didn't like any little girls...gotta wonder if she really didn't like herself...still in hindsight her religious antics are hilarious. Thanks for the vote of confidence for little Frito. :)

I think back in the day they didn't have a term for such personalities & behaviors.Family members had excuses and turned the other cheek. She sounds just horrible.I knew someone like that as a child & it was frightening. I hope she got some peace in a better life..if there is such a thing.

Poor Aunt Mary, She missed out on a delightful little Frito who could have brought her much joy, have to feel sorry for her....

She seemed like a bitter old lady. Probably why no one else wanted her in her old age. Thanks for sharing Frito.

Aww Frito, I'm grinning from ear to ear at the image here.<br />
It reminds me of the movie, FRIED GREEN TOMATOES when Kathy Bates went to see her husband's Aunt Edna (I believe)... She was thrown out of the gloom room, candies and all. But what a beautiful and life long friendship she had with TWANDA!<br />
<br />
Thanks for sharing!!

Thanks....her behavior was awful but the visuals of her antics (again seen as an adult) are comic....<br />
thanks so much everyone. :)

From the eyes of a child she was a nightmare but as an adult with a sense of the absurd and offbeat sense of humor, she's a hoot! Sad for her though...she must have been miserably unhappy all her life.<br />

Ugh. It's a fact of life that people like these are around. I'm glad you ended up meeting kinder people, Frito :)

Hahaha NO8DO, yes it took me a while to work up to writing this story!<br />
I'm pretty convinced we all know a lot of "bonkers." I created a group for them and also the more uplifting folks we've met along our pathways. :)<br />
I think we all have sitcom material right in our own backyard...<br />
Now I would love to hear about yours! xoxoxo

Aw Kindal thanks for your kind support. Aunt Mary was a beaut all right but remembering her doesn't make me feel rage or ?? I see her as a sort of tragic/comic figure. <br />
I'm not trying to minimize what she's just that in hindsight I see her almost like a cartoon character, especially when I recall her religious theatrics.

Hahaha Squigglefish! Nice image. :)

Hahaha Smugit, Thanks for the "Paw Review!" :)

it is a two paws up story for sure!

Oh Tasmin I'm so glad you commented cause I'm grinning. Aunt Mary cased me torment when I was little but when I see her now in my memory rising up from her deathbed I can't help but laugh at the dramatics!<br />
<br />
And I would love to hear about some of your "Aunt Mary's"

I didn't like to comment before as this story made me grin .. <br />
<br />
It made me think of the 'characters' in my family that have caused no end of strife at times but looking back their antics were kind of funny and you just couldn't make them up.

Hahaha thanks Soursweet for that image *grin*... "Catholic Baby Jane."<br />
<br />
Aw Smugiit thanks for the hugs. She was a meanie but also a whacko. I wasn't really able to capture her full personality here. The recognition of her absurd personality makes it much easier for me to accept the meanie part.

awwwwwwwwwwwww hugs you!

Thank you Squigglefish and Paco35.<br />
<br />
Squigglefish, in the end I think I learned a lot from it...she's really a sad example but as an adult I see her as a bit of a comic figure and someone who couldn't see what riches were right in front of her....she is someone I never want to emulate.<br />
<br />
Paco, it's true that these were not great times for me, but I think I began to develop my sense of the absurd and recognize that we can chose who to love. I really do have lovely memories of some of the other elderly folks at that home.

Sounds like she was playing a character, something of a Catholic Baby Jane.

I was thinking Rosemary's Baby

I'm sorry you were exposed to that type of environment, Frito. I love the line and the moment "emancipation of Frito".<br />