The Paradox

I think about religion a lot. This is my story.

I have always realized since I was a child that there was something more with religion. Then, I already knew the serious consequences of one being born into a religion. Think about it. If you were born into X religion family, chances are, you will be following the X religion. If you were born into a Y religion family, chances are, you will also be following the same. What's wrong with that? Young as I was, I knew information flow has something to do with religion. I thought, as children, we would really be doing what our parents will indoctrinate into us. My question then, as I still now, is "Who's right?" Is the X the real thing or maybe Y? This is probably the reason I never went into religious debates with kids my age. I knew it was something bigger than us.

Hence, if we are following what our forefathers believed, which of them is right? Why do our forefathers believe in what they believe?

Flash forward to post-college. I was very confused. I'd go from a very religious person and then turn into a skeptic, as I still do now. Believe me, it is NOT a good feeling. It is painful.

And then, I had an atheist professor. He told us, " We are all atheists." He explained that we are all atheists in such that X believers do not believe in the Y religion and vice versa. We are all atheists. Some just doesn't know it. Religions of today become myths of tomorrow. For instance, our forefathers probably worshipped nature. They believed in the power of the sun, the moon, etc. Why don't we believe them now? I could rant on but that's not my point here.


And then there it was, the seeds of secularism. I talked like a secular but appearance-wise, I looked every inch a believer. I was confused and it showed.

I read books, articles and listened to debates whenever I can. The more I read, the more I got confused. Everything that was taught to me is being conflicted.

There was a time that I declared I am probably an agnostic. But my pendulum of faith was still swinging from "I believe" to "Is it real?"

The real test however came a few months ago actually. I decided to slowly introduce to people apostasy. I thought making a 180 degree change in their perspective might prove too much and I thought I should do it slow.

You probably think I'd end this piece declaring that I'm an atheist. But no, I'm not.

I suffered horrible anxiety doing the above. I couldn't take I am taking full hold on whatever I am doing here on Earth. I couldn't take I don't have someone behind my back so to say and that prayers are not going to help anymore. No, I couldn't do it.

I needed to believe God existed. I needed someone looking over us, and to pray to when you are virtually helpless. I know what atheists must be thinking right now but to put it bluntly, the real world scared me. Being uprooted from the society scared me. Being misunderstood scared me. The real world scared me and I don't know know how to feel about this.

Even now, my pendulum is swinging. I am a secularist believer - the ultimate paradox.

mareliberum mareliberum
3 Responses Feb 19, 2010

for the lord he is God it is he that has made us and not we ourselves, we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
but man took a wrong decision, there are now two choices, 2 voices, 2 destinies.
Psa_18:30 As for God, his way is completely good; the word of the Lord is tested; he is a breastplate for all those who put their faith in him.
Psa_33:12 Happy is the nation whose God is the Lord; and the people whom he has taken for his heritage.
Isa_12:2 See, God is my salvation; I will have faith in the Lord, without fear: for the Lord Jah is my strength and song; and he has become my salvation.
Rom 5:8 But God has made clear his love to us, in that, when we were still sinners, Christ gave his life for us.
Rom 5:9 Much more, if we now have righteousness by his blood, will salvation from the wrath of God come to us through him.
Rom 5:10 For if, when we were haters of God, the death of his Son made us at peace with him, much more, now that we are his friends, will we have salvation through his life;
this message is not man's invention, but the lord himself confirmed it with signs and miracles, read the gospels, and as you recieive it, and choose its truth, for its truths is a sure foundation a pasture, a rest for your soul, you will expereicne it for you self. for he who believes in Christ and his sacrifice for you, and and take it, you will have peace, he says come to me all you are heavy laden and he will give you rest. only believe. if you must believe in something, take this.

I still believe in God and I am currently in the process of learning and understanding as much about religion as possible. I have always been interested in religion but I always looked at it from a Christian perspective. What I aim to do now to find the relevance of religion in society. Why it is practised the way it is pracitsed in different cultures, the similarities within those belief systems and the differences. Where those differences come from, how they arose, why they are adhered to. I think I will write a book about it. Sad to say I had done a lot of research on religions but from only one perspective. Now I feel I must start again as I have a fresh, new perspective. Nevertheless, understanding in depth can never be a bad thing I suppose.<br />
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The notion of God exists in almost every culture, and in almost every society. Many people belive in the presence of a higher being but they just don't know how to make sense of such a being as it is not within our realm of understanding. So I seek to understand what seperates these religions, and what brings them together. Dangerous ground I know, but I need to know, for my own sanity and hopefully for that of others as well.<br />
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I know a lot about Christianity so I shall study, and a bit about Islam so i shall study Bhuddism and Hinduism next. I'll probably end up with Gnosticism or something of that sort. <br />
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What I am attempting to do is extremely dangerous and should only be done in the presence of trained professionals. DO NOT try this at home kids. haha...<br />
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Wish me luck.<br />
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Yep, extremely dangerous territory. Good luck! :)

Thank you. Sometimes I wonder. Why do I even bother? It's like digging a hole to build a mountain to stand on. The problem is, while you're digging, you're getting deeper and deeper, which makes it even harder to get out if you do ever try. Knowing is a burden, but for me, the greater burden would be in not knowing.

Luk_19:10 For the Son of man came to make search for those who are wandering from the way, and to be their Saviour.
Romans 1:17
(BBE) For in it The good news tells how God accepts everyone who has faith, shows how God makes people right with himself,
whosoever shall call upon the name of the lord shall be saved, delivered, from what ever your problem is.

I think I'm at the stage of believing that it is something bigger than us, like you said. But I think I will stay here, believing in God my own way.<br />
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You seem highly intelligent, and I'm beginning to think that this is what happens when people legitimately think about things. You see that religion is garbage, but that God is still there. I hope you find peace within yourself in the future.

our perception of god is corrupted, that is Why the word was made flesh and dwelt among us, god is wanting you to know him. Hebrews 1- tells us god used to talk through prophets but now in these last days, he has spoken to you by his son.
jn 1 says he was full of grace, favor to man from god, he heals saves, delivers, and hes alive from the dead, so believe his message, call upon him based upon his revelation and you will meet him.