Brain Clutter.

That's what it is. Like the mental version of hoarding, I'm continually and obsessively collecting and picking through data until I'm so saturated that I need to let it overflow into my writing through my fingertips. Writing is, after all, an excellent way to hit the "release" valve on a mind swollen with too much thought.

In my experience, overactive minds are something of a blessing and a curse to those who possess them. On the one hand, you have the ability to piece through information and figure a thing out without having to "try" and that is a valuable quality to have, especially in the work place. But in my private life, it has been a thorn in the side and a constant source of irritation for anyone who gets close to me. When you think more, or different, or deeper than the average person, it can be alienating to both of you. The group on EP called something like, "I think that high intelligence causes depression and isolation" is not there for no reason. That isn't to say that everyone who "thinks a lot" suffers from the burden of a greater intellect, but it's fairly safe to say that the same rules of depression and isolation can apply to both. Anytime you become a prisoner of your own mind, it takes a toll on your personal relationships.

One of my ex boyfriends emailed me not so long ago and made the following statement: "I remember watching you write so many times and marveling at how much your brain churned out ideas and such. We could literally talk all day long and you'd still have enough left over to sit down and write a quite detailed narrative. Always amazed me, and I was almost a touch envious." I'd say that remark is pretty accurate. In fact, it is probably fair to say that I have more going on in my head at any given moment than I suspect many people have going on there in a full days time. And as I've gotten older, I've had to learn to compartmentalize so that I don't end up awake all night, tossing and turning until some ungodly hour, wishing desperately that my brain had a "snooze" button. 

And that's the irony of it, really. After all this time, I still haven't thought of how to think less.

Go figure..
Intelligently Intelligently
31-35, F
7 Responses May 6, 2011

Thank you for reading, JJandC.

Loved your story. Made me think.......

Cognitive energy and activity blocks the affective (somerimes not so nice memories) - escape route.

I have a good friend who has a problem with intellectual arrogance. We were having coffee the other day and he mentioned to me that he'd been seeing a really lovely woman who had so many beautiful qualities. I congratulated him, but he informed me that he'd ended things with her already because she couldn't converse with him "on his level" and because she didn't read enough.<br />
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It's sad.. in cases such as that one, I'd almost rather be less intelligent and happily taken by a beautiful soul than intelligently single.

(Sidenote: Not to be cynical, but thinking is already a thing of the past for a lot of people. :P)<br />
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Okay, yeah.. that was cynical.

Haha. I have actually found that knitting is a good ambient activity and keeps my mind focused enough to do the hobby while leaving it free enough to think about what I -need- to think about. Unfortunately, I haven't learned how to knit in the dark yet.<br />
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And I'm picky about the tv.. once Criminal Minds started going downhill, I haven't much bothered to watch the thing.

Here is are ways to think less about stuff you don't want to think about: subscribe to NY times crosswords; pledge to watch the entire billion hours of series of old tv dramas; get into 1000 page books like Pillars of the Earth and Girl with Dragon Tattoo plus all the books that come after them. Thinking will be a thing of the past :)