I Want Kinky Sex, But My Husband Says It's Weird

I have been married for 19 years, been with the same man since I was 18...I have only been with 2 men in my life and I am married to one of them...I have always thought what I wanted in bed was wrong and dirty. My hubby is very conservative and in the begining that was nice...our sex life has been ok, but a couple years ago I told him I wanted to try something "new" and described it to him..he told me I was sick and weird...I was so upset... I just buried it and thought I could just let that part of me go...

but it is so strong, I think about it all the time...I love to watch **** and search out scenes of what I secretly want to do...

I met a man a few years ago online and we have similar interests sexually.. we have never done anything just talked about sex and what we like.. we are so similar... sometimes it's like he is in my head! I recently have moved closer to where he lives and we have met for coffee a few times...we have amazing chemistry...last time we had coffee he kissed me and it was crazy! major sparks and I felt something awaken in me...he kissed me EXACTLY the way I have been waiting for...now we are talking about meeting again and trying out some of the stuff I want to do...

my problem is...I don;t want my lifestyle to change.. I really do love the life I have with my husband...but sexually I have this ache....I want to experiment but he won't... I can't tell him about this because he already told me I was sick and weird....

neither this man or myself want to have an emotional relationship with eachother... we care about one another but it really is just the sex.. we seem so sympatico...I think it would be wild!!

about 13 years ago my hubby had a brief affair with my best friend, they swear the never had sex but I forgave him because our kids were little and I was a stay at home mom...and I really wanted my marriage to work...

I don;t think this is revenge or anything but there is a part of me that says.." well he did it"....

anyone have any feedback on this?? I already feel a little guilty about kissing another man...how do I deal with sex with another man???
Purplegecko Purplegecko
36-40, F
11 Responses Jul 10, 2010

I think you have every right to enjoy sex the way you want there is no concept of cheating i dont believe any act of consensual sex and ******* can be termed as cheating I know many will disagree with me but that is what I believe consensual sex and enjoyment is not cheating

This is my problems too - I want a very different kind of sex than my husband. But I don't want to rock the marriage boat - have you sorted this out? Have you gone down the line of having an affair?

as everyone has said in past letters you have to seperate love and sex. what you did is sex nothing more. it was consensual between to adults. Being a man (of course its easy to seperate the two) it was just sex there is no love involved. you love your husband but you crave kinky sex. no problems

Go do it because if it is as strong as you say it will eat you up if you don`t fulfill it because you will be constantly thinking about it and if your husband wont do it he is being selfish i know about this because i am the same i was married and i have fantasies and none of my ex`s would fulfill them and it is doing my head in it even destroyed my marriage see i have a thing for latex, pvc, and thigh boots but my wife wasn`t and it got as strong as your fetishes and it ended my marriage because i wasn`t getting it at home so i went looking elsewhere.

well it has been awhile..and I have dealt with the guilt, it was not as bad as I thought...we have not had sex yet, but we had an amazing experience and brought one of my fantasies to life...<br />
<br />
I had my office all to myself one moring, we have 3 of us there and everyone was gone...when we work alone it is policy to have the door locked...lucky me...<br />
<br />
my friend came out to visit me... we had small talk for a while... then we started kissing....I love to suck his tongue...then he moved around my desk as I sat in my chair.. I had shared with him my fantasy of sucking his **** in my office....so he knew exactly what to do to trigger me to let go...<br />
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I am very submissive and he is Dom...and we have talked about this part of ourselves and experiencing it...well boy did we...<br />
<br />
he stood over me, I was looking up and he told me to touch his ****...I did throuh his jeans and mmm he was hard and long! I have been dreaming about seeing, touching and tasting his **** for so long.. it was about to come true!<br />
<br />
I undid his button down jeans... and there was the tip of his ****, peeking out the top of his briefs...I took a breath and pulled down his briefs and jeans... there was his sweet sweet ****...right in front of me.. finally!<br />
<br />
I took the shaft with my left hand then right, holding it with both hands and I closed my eyes and relished in the moment...I had not held another mans **** for over 20 years...and it was so thick.. and long... ****.. it was beautiful!<br />
<br />
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.. I looked up at him and he nooded his approval as I took him in my mouth....he moaned as I cosed my mouth over the tip... m mouth watered right away (I was dry from being so nervous) and it was like my body took over for my mind... my saliva lubricated so his **** could slide i and out.... I used my hand to guide him into my mouth... then I sucked on the tip... rubbing my tongue along the ba<x>se.. sucking harder....<br />
<br />
he pulled out of me and we switched places.. he wanted me to be at his feet....so he sat in my chair and as I looked down at him before I got on my knees....he ran his hands down his **** right to the ba<x>se and it was so hard....he smiled at me as I stood there gaping mouth at the wonder of his ****....<br />
<br />
I got down on my knees, he told me to lick his shaft.. so I started at the ba<x>se and went right up flicking my tongue over the tip.. he pre *** was warm and tangy... I was so wet....I wanted him deep in my throat...I tilted up so I was over his **** and I wrapped my lips around the tip... holding him there as I sucked...he called me his **** ***** and told me to take it deep... as soon as I heard ***** a switch went on and I opened my throat and took him as far as I could... I gagged and he moaned..he loved that sound... he wanted more so he grabbed the back of my head and pushed it down and told me to hold it there as long as I could...I kept gagging but that just made me hotter and when he told me I was his to command I knew it deep down... I wanted to please him...and I would keep trying...<br />
<br />
He was thrusting down my throat, holding me there...it was amazing to feel so out of control yet under his control....his **** down my throat was so natural...<br />
<br />
after a while, he said we could stop, that I could practice more anther time...and I would get better...he called me a good **** ****...and one day i would earn his ***....<br />
<br />
we kissed a little more, he got dressed and we talked about seeing eachother again....the rest of the day was electrifying, my ***** was soaked...I had a meeting right after that... I left the taste of him inside my mouth to savour through that meeting....on my way home...I thought about looking my hubby in the eye... but ever time I did, I saw my sweet hard **** and I felt better....<br />
<br />
it was not easy... but I know that visit was all about what I needed..deep down to make me feel more complete... and sane..LOL

I would have to agree with Bonniebelle on this, regret is something you will feel for sure if you don't act on your feelings. A little guilt is something you might feel, but it will pass. It always does.<br />
I have cheated, I'm not proud of it, however I do not regret doing it. Not one little bit. <br />
My actions are what makes me an individual. My transgressions are exactly that... all mine.<br />
I have completely different tastes when it comes to sex, my wife (god bless her) feels my thoughts are dirty and weird. But I have met many who feel they are damn exciting and want to try them out.<br />
All I am saying, you can regret not trying it, or you can take a chance at feeling a little guilty for a little while. However, the choice is yours and yours alone to make...<br />
Good luck

Well I agree with you all, sometimes you have to separate sexual need and marital responsibilities. More often than not they do clash and then there is no solution other than turn to having an affairs. Many ppl in here prefer open marriage but that's easier said than done. Just compare having an affair to ************, in ************ you don't need your partner's approval but it's a pleasure you can't deny yourself. So why deny a real thing with out of marriage. <br />
<br />
I know , I know , there you go again about a guilt trip or or something.. <br />
My take on this, grab the opportunity first and then worry about guilt trip until the next opportunity .. As long as you don't let it slip by.. <br />
<br />
Not making any sense am I.. oh well !!!

rexlang, <br />
<br />
I appreciate that and feel the same way...I have been looking for the same thing...just want to talk about it and not feel weird or judged. <br />
<br />
I know now the only one that really needs to accept this side of me.. is me. :) <br />
<br />
I like sex, to talk about sex, I have some great fantasies...:) too bad he doesn't want to hear them :(

dont think too much.. just do it and dont feel guilty dont be concious, if u feel guilty of thinking about it dont do it. and dont overdo it

Thanks Jax, I am learning that it is not so uncommon. How do you deal with the slight guilt? how far did you go?

Gecko....<br />
I don't think it's that unusual. I have had a similar experience and all is well.<br />
Sometimes your happiness is most important!