My Husband....or My Ex

First and foremost, I love my husband. I do. But lately, his work has been taking him away from me. He works in the music industry and is around beautiful singers often. I feel alone at times since there are many evenings where he has to work late with these same beautiful singers. I am 30 years old. I've been with my husband for 12 years, since I was 18 years old. We've been married for 3 years. I recently got back in contact (by accident!) with an ex-boyfriend. My ex is married with children. I am sure he loves his wife, and I know he adores his children, but he's beginning to express some feelings about me. He keeps telling me that he always has love for me and that a part of him still cares for me to this day. I did not express the same sentiment because I did not want to cross any lines since we are both married. You see, we broke up due to distance only. It wasn't a decision both of us did wanted to make at that time, but we decided to be realistic regarding the situation. Right after I broke up with my ex is when I met my current husband. So far, my communications with my ex have been only e-mail and IM, but lately he has been urging me to call him or for him to call me. I rejected that idea because I did not want to start something that we both would regret. But.....I love the attention that he gives me. My husband isn't that doting or attentive as he used to be and our sex life has become stagnant (and we used to have sex ALL THE TIME). I've tried talking to my husband, but we end up in arguments. Part of me also believes that he has developed feelings for his artist and he doesn't want to own up to them (i believe he hasn't acted on those feelings though). I don't know what to do....if I start telephone communication with my ex, I am afraid to where it would lead. But, I am so lonely and I miss that attention my husband used to give me. I feel so guilty, and I haven't done anything! I hate feeling the way I do....
bkbaby16 bkbaby16
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 6, 2010

BKBABY16<br />
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I truly understand that you are missing things in marriage. The reason why you divorced your ex is various of reasons. Now he wants to commence contact with you. It could be for being used for sex. You must ask your husband to spend time that he is not working with you to fill the void. I promise your marriage will take a turnaround and be much stronger. If nothing else, try individual counseling to sort things out. If you do not like like the results, I have a great suggestion. Try go work at a part time job to help bring in money. Nowadays, the job market is scarce. You can help husband bring in money to help bills. You can also volunteer at a special olympics. That will help take your mind of loneliness. Or you can work full time as a waitress. <br />
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I hope you can find out why things are not working through counseling first. I think that you will be helped to find out what is the root of the problems. <br />
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I hope for the best, <br />
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Hugggzzzzzz

Hello how are you doing? What is stopping you from joining your husband at his work,<br />
when he is at home, why do you have to talk just go over and start caressing him. Surprise him when he comes home from work with candles and dinner. If no words are spoken then arguments can't start see how he responds to your advancement. If you do all you can to rejuvenate things and it doesn't work then it gives you reason to go hunting for your own mate again.<br />
You will not feel right inside if you help to break up another marriage with the other man<br />
just because your own is on the ropes. Changedby LOVE has good ideas also so try what you must to start love again. Samantha

Im sorry. I know it so sucks when your own husband doesnt give you his wife the attention we as wives DESPERATLY NEED!:( <br />
But ya"ll both just have to go back to ya'lls FIRST love. WHY did yall fall in love in the FIRST place:)<br />
When ya'll are alone, say okay lets pretend we first met;) and do something for him that he used to love when ya'll first met....get him in a calm relaxed mood before talking about how you feel. Just so feelings can start in the right foot:) than as both of ya'll are in good calm relaxed maybe even sexy mood..you can be giving him a back massage while telling him how you have been feeling neglected etc.. but all still in a calm relaxed voice..... something ive learned, believe me the hard way! Is its all in the way you say it. <br />
Once when my husband of 7 yrs. had been neglecting me. I felt i was at the end of my rope, i was upstairs in my room crying(he was downstairs). I just felt like i couldnt take it anymore, i was actually crying out to God. It was like i was dying for attention and love. Well turns out my husband heard me crying and talking to God(I promise, i didnt mean for that to happen) Well he felt so bad, he hugged me, told me sorry for neglecting me! WOW! It was just what i truly needed.. talk about God answering your prayer..fast! You know sometimes we think the only way our husband will listn to us is if were raising our voices. But alot of times they really listen and truly hear when we talk with calm, relaxed and lovey voices. Theyy may seem like tough dogs but inside they love to feel loved also:) <br />
sorry none of this might help at all, it may have sounded dumb but hey i hope it helps in someway or another? I hope the best for you... i really do.