I Did Cheat

I was with my first husband for 16 years, from the age of 16 to 32. in the early years my husband had a few affairs (2) that i know for sure.  They were with my so Called girl friends.  Well of course there was lots of crying and lots of apologies, threw away the girl friends  and of course i stayed.  (why?) because i thought i was in love with this man, but the truth was i was insecure with myself.  So as the years slowely went by, the relationship was never really healthy. and a child was soon brought into this mess.  Now as a opened eyed adult i look back and now see that the signs were there and that the relationship was doomed from the begining..why? because he was also and insecure person.  But, also as the years went by..i grew up and became more secure withmyself.  unfortunatly he did not.  In the end, I did have an affair that was found out by my husband,  i didnt care for the man that i cheated with and realized that again i had reverted and he my ex wanted to confront me of this.  Which was all fine and dandy with me..cus that was the moment that i became a strong women and said to him.  I Want A Divorce!!!.  Not that this has all gone in the right way.  My ex husband did not handle the situation well, and actually became a stalker and I had to get a court ordered indefinite restraining order against him.  My daughter still goes and sees him on a regular basis, and is interigated by this man that is suppose to be here for HER best interest.  And he does not think that he is wrong for his feelings and onging harrassing that he tries to put me through.  I am now remarried to a wonderful man who shouldhave been my first all along.  And No he is not the man i cheated with.  I also have no wants to cheat on my husband Why because I LOVE HIM..and when you love someone ..there is no need for anything outside the relationship.  NOt that this was the best way to handle it..but im glad that i finally got out of that going no where marriage. 

 

 

 

June 29, 2009

 

I wanted to update on this story,

I am still married to my second husband and in January will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary.  My daughter is now one month shy of 13 years old, and hasnt seen her father in over three months.  He finally went on with his life and found a 21 year old girlfriend (we are now 38/39) and had a baby with her who just hit 1 year old.  Too which I really think he thought would have made me jealous.  To this I chuckle everytime I remember him telling me about her in one of our rare phone conversations, because of the indefinite restraining order and the fact that he CREEPS me out so much.   Now believe me there is NO jealousy what so ever, and in fact am not really surprised at all giving the fact of his past reputation of immaturity and irresponsability.  But the hardest thing is that he has now pretty much stepped out of our daughters life,  of which was suppose to be a 50/50 custody.  On certain past holidays that he was suppose to get her, he told her that the new little momma " just wants it to be the family".  Well I now know that I made the right decision 6 years ago, and that this "MAN" which is a term I use very loosely never was and never will be a real FATHER.  Thank god for my current husband, my daughters step dad for stepping up and taking the responsablity as her father.. to which he calls her "his daughter" and as for the 21 year old little momma.  She will get tired of his BS soon too, and will take him to court for everything she can get....things that I did not push because I just wanted AWAY from him once and for all.....  But lets not forget the innocent victims....the CHILDREN...

kellyann970 kellyann970
36-40, F
13 Responses Oct 26, 2006

pullupgirl, i left him alone 9 years ago when i divorced him. Im not one to play back and forth, my husband and I just celebrated our 7 year anniversary. and i have never strayed from him.

ive read and re-read My comments about my "new partner" (husband) of 6 years now. I do not see anything that I would consider "lots of issues to sort out" I know what love is, My family has always been first. Parents are still alive and together after 50 years of marriage, two sisters that I see on every Holiday at least. ( Only because of distance) I have a great relationship with my 3 nieces and 2 nephews, whom are all adults now. And, of course my daughter who is now 1 month shy of 16. It has not been perfect and has not been easy but I have done it all with the backing of my loved ones. I dont regret anything that I did... BUT THE AFFAIR!! because in the end we have to accepts our faults.. and we ALL do have them!! :)

If you think you made the right decision by cheating on him you are fooling no one but yourself. If cheating made you less insecure then you have way bigger problems than even you know about. You can always improve your character without hurting others in the process. Judging by your comments about his new partner you still have lots of issues to sort out! Good luck!

I think for whatever it's worth that you did the RIGHT thing.<br />
When the relationship is already OVER like it was once he decided to screw your friends, you were released at that point to do whatever you want.<br />
Anyone who says anything different has some deep waters ahead of them.<br />
When people get married they vow to be faithful, once someone breaks the vow, the marriage is OVER.<br />
Your slimy ex husband ended the marriage, anything you did afterwards was as a single woman, whether the divorce papers were filed or not.<br />
You did nothing wrong and did everything you needed to do to become independent and find the love you deserve.<br />
I applaud you. Thanks for sharing.

the only negative thing of this experience project is having to deal with all the people who think they have all the knowledge from reading one little paragraph. you dont know me beyond what you read above so to think you have me or my relationship figured out makes me laugh. If my husband ever felt he needed to step out for something then there is deffinatly something wrong...but I do not have any concerns of this...and I am not a stupid women by any means. and as for deep waters ahead.. I carry a inflatable raft every where I go. So im always prepare for anything. Thanks for you concerns in all..

"I also have no wants to cheat on my husband Why because I LOVE HIM..and when you love someone ..there is no need for anything outside the relationship."<br />
<br />
This is a sad statement and such a twist on what love really is. Even if you didn't love your last husband he doesn't deserve to be cheated on even if he cheated on you first. What if there comes a time in your marriage with your current husband that pushes the boundaries of love you have? What if he starts thinking he doesn't love you? What if he knows you love him, acts like he loves you but cheats on you without you ever knowing.<br />
My point is your definition of love better deepen or you have deep waters ahead of you to paddle through.

Your right "Possessivesness is a sign of Immaturity".. and "Commitment is a sign of growth and respect." When you find that right person.. you dont want to be intimate with any other. If your not ready or havnt found the right person for you yet...its ok to enjoy sex however you desire, we have the right of choice.

why is everyone so hung up on "cheating" and "affairs"? Why not just enjoy a little sex for the fun that it is and don't get so up-tight about it. Possessiveness is the real sign of immaturity.

wow this post and it's comments were so eye opening to me! good points.

If you want to cheat, it is because you are not satisfied with current partner - body or mind

If you want to cheat, it is because you are not satisfied with current partner - body or mind

What if you love your husband but suspect that he cannot be faithful?

CONGRATULATIONS for understanding what LOVE means, i hope everyone who is writing on this story line reads your story and learns from it!!