I Think About It, A Lot

I'm pansexual and polyamorous and my husband knows this. He has let me sleep with women before, and I currently am allowed to continue doing so. But, due to who I am and how I feel about things I also meet other men who I would love to give a chance but thanks to Sam's newly found monogamous ways he won't permit me to do anything like that.

It really annoys me because he knew how I was when we first started dating in 2006, so he should have been totally use to it by the time we got married in 2008. But now, suddenly he likes to treat me like I'm his property and that what he says goes. He's threatened to leave me (and has left a few times) when I even comment on another man's looks.

I'm not a bad person, and I don't like to cause trouble or hurt other people, but he knew how I was to begin with - it isn't like I just dumped this on him out of nowhere. It makes me feel like I'm bad for being myself, ya know?

Anyway, I do think about going behind his back and doing what I want just because that's what I want to do and it would make me happy. I'm content with sleeping with my girl friends, but I like men too... I don't want to be a "cheater", but to him, that's what I will be if I do it. :/
gorejussxpsycho gorejussxpsycho
22-25, F
1 Response May 21, 2012

You shouldn't have to go behind his back. You haven't changed, and he is trying to make you change. If you are afraid to leave him because it will hurt, think about how it will feel for both of you if you get caught cheating. <br />
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You should be by yourself or with someone who can let you be yourself--and appreicate you for who you are.

I agree with what you're saying, and the only reason I don't want to leave him is that I love him. If I didn't, I never would have married him. :/ I won't cheat, but something is going to have to give eventually. :/

I can understand your situation, and I hope everything works out for you in the end--whatever that may be.

Sounds like he has changed. That is ok. Everyone changes. It just sometimes those changes cause people to move in different directions. Sounds like you are both looking for something different in a relationship. Sounds like you would both be happier moving on in the long run and you can love someone and not be in a relationship. Acknowledge you love him, cherish what you had together and set him free. If you love him you don't want to hurt him by cheating and going behind his back which would end the relationship too but with a lot more pain and suffering for both of you. If you love him and want to be true to yourself parting ways amicably and with love is far better.