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Really Want To!!!

I have really been thinking about cheating on my husband with a guy who is also in a relationship. Right now all we do is exchange flirty texts. I really want to but we can't find the right time. I can't stop thinking about this other guy. I just turned 30& came to the realization that I'm actually married!!! At times I wish I was single! I love my husband& he is a great guy! What is wrong with me??!! I uses to cheat on boyfriends too. Help! Any advice??
Snesssss Snesssss 26-30 10 Responses Jun 19, 2012

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If you are this eager to do it then I say why not. Hook up with this other guy and see if it is as great as you fantasize it will be. Have fun!

Mail mee

hmm... well, we've all done regrettable things in our lives, things we wish we hadn't done. We've also passed up on things that we know would make us regretful but later wish we would have done them. if you made a wish list from these 2 categories, combining all the wishes, knowing that 10 of them would be granted, that you got to pick, which of the 2 lists would most, if not, all the wishes come from? I already know the answer, btw. ..at least I'm pretty sure I do. <br />
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I decided long ago about regrets. We're going to have them in life. For me, the worst ones are those where I had an opportunity to do something regrettable but did not only because it was regrettable. I can't think of anything regrettable that I have done that I wish I could change. But the regrettable things I didn't do when I could have, hound me continuously. ...and it's not the same thing to recreate the experience. You'll never get the satisfaction, that initial satisfaction. Who knows, you may not get the regret either, which, for me, is part of the 'payday.' It's probably the tax or soc sec or something but those do go to pay for things that need to be paid for.<br />
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Whatever you do, never admit to it, no matter what, if you go through with it that is. and if you go through with it, it didn't happen until you're caught in the act, not caught being suspicious or feeling guilty. good luck n godspeed!

There's nothing wrong. Maybe you miss the excitement, romance or passion that goes with slipping out or maybe you like variety, like men. But something is missing and when you figure out what it is it might be the help you need.

Why do u want to cheat?? I u sweatband what ur saying. I've been married almost 11years and recently have started exchanging flirty(and dirty) txt w a guy from work. I also connected w another guy and we're very flirty also. For me it's lack of excitement. I have tried to express my desires to my husband. That we lack excitement, that our sex life is stale, that he doesn't put in the effort anymore or even try to get the Job done. I was just curious what ur reason was. I haven't cheated yet, but I'm beginning to feel it might b inevitable.

Hi Snesssssss. I'm going to give my honest feedback in the hopes that it helps. The questions are not meant to be snide, they are meant to be answered honestly.<br />
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Do you find it strange that you are in a profession that requires empathy towards others yet you seem to lack towards your spouse? <br />
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Don't you think there is a very perverse irony in betraying, deceiving, and showing no regard for the ONE person whose life is centered in the belief he shares a level of honesty, trust, committment, caring, vulnerability, and intimacy that is unique with you? The one person whose needs are supposed to be considered utmost? (And they of you). How would you feel if he did that to you? <br />
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Do you believe you, and everyone else have the right to make decisions regarding the course of your life ba<x>sed on truth? Is it acceptable for someone to manipulate you into believing something is real when it isn't?<br />
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Betrayal and keeping it a secret turns your spouse's life into a complete sham because of the cruel hoax you are perpetrating. Therefore everyone has the absolute fundamental right to know if what they believe to be true about a relationship is actually true. <br />
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If you can't feel guilt or empathy about cheating, please, please, PLEASE try to see logically how you are robbing your spouse of living an AUTHENTIC life. His ONLY life. Everyone wants an authentic life. Give him the basic dignity you would show an elderly person crossing the street, a wounded animal, or one of the people you help at your job.<br />
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It makes me so sad for every person being cheated on that they are not being told the truth because of the idea that it's ok to keep it secret to "spare feelings". No one has the right to say if someone can't handle the truth. Revealing painful truth is far, far better and ultimately respectful than keeping someone in deliberate blissful (maybe) ignorance.<br />
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True intimacy and connection is sought by risking an emotional vulnerability rarely found elsewhere. Entrusting our spouses with that level of exposure is an act of faith. It is a real ex<x>pression of love because it has real consequences. It exposes someone to a hurt so devastatingly brutal it often has no match. It's not superficial lipservice.<br />
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Reciprocation of that love is shown through sacrifice of those selfish desires that can hurt the other person. It makes two lives more meaningful than each one alone. It's a conscious decision to place someone's needs equal to and above our own. Two people looking after each others needs brings a deep connection and satisfaction that can't be attained being self focused. <br />
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The number one statistical predictor of long term happy relationships is when the other person sees their partner as being conscientiousness.<br />
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Good luck and take care!

Hi! Thanks for the comments and thoughts! Americaninhongkong- I don't appreciate being insulted considering you do not know me. First of all, I am a social worker, so I do plenty for others and the community. I do not consider myself to be a cancer on society. I am, however, attractive and get plenty of attention from men. I really wasn't expecting to be insulted in this group considering this is the topic being discussed. <br />
Anyways, to update everyone else, I have not yet cheated. Lately, I have seen the guy a couple times lately& exchanged some more flirty texts. To make matters worse my husband has told me he doesn't want children anymore (I do)!! I am more tempted now than ever!!

I ask women to be honest, and take full control. Hiding and lying are bad, being in charge is good.

AmericanHK's argument falls flat the minute he throws insults at you. Humans are complex beings and are naturally attracted to multiple partners. Once in a relationship, we are often torn between the security of that relationship and the excitement and unbridled passion that comes with a new romance with someone sexy and attractive. <br />
You're no different. The problem is, you've made a commitment to your husband and if you choose to sleep around it poses a risk to both of you. So choose carefully. The sex will likely be amazing and the experience will only leave you wanting more and more. So you have to consider: Do I want to share myself with another lover? If so, you may want to consider how secure your relationship with your husband is and whether you want to sacrifice it. The longer you play around, the greater the chance you will be caught. And you will experience guilt. <br />
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There is another path: Openness. If you discuss with your husband, chances are he's also been attracted to the occasional sexy woman. Swinging or an open relationship are options. You would both have the benefit of experiencing other people, without putting your marriage at risk. You could even all have sex together and experience something completely new. But go slow and if he says no, don't push it. Swinging can be amazingly fun and satisfying for open-minded, confident couples, but it can tear a marriage apart when one or both partners lacks confidence, and becomes jealous.

Sorry, I completely disagree with your statements, outside of your point in the second paragraph about openness with your spouse. See my note to the poster below. Your moral neutrality is the cause of a lot of suffering in our society, and humans are much more than merely our primal desires emanating from our brain stems. The only reason so many coconuts in our society encourage others 'to cheat but be certain not to get caught' is because this behavior is prevalent. If we were dealing with a financial consultant who defrauded the elderly of their savings in order to buy a new Mercedes to feel good about himself, or otherwise get a thrill, you would likely express moral outrage (and rightfully so). We owe as much of a duty of care to our own spouses and children as we do to third party elderly citizens.

Please post with respect and support.

Wow, you must be both attractive and clever -- you're able to attract these men without your significant others knowing. Indeed, you sound somewhat proud of yourself (certainly happy-go-lucky)!<br />
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The stark reality is that people like you are malignant cancers in our society. The damage that one does to not only one's family (including your own children, if you have them) but also the families of those with whom you are stepping out is downright profound and long lasting. Grow up and think of others for one in your god forsaken life. And if you really want to feel good about yourself -- go help another human being. Volunteer with the elderly or disabled children. Remember, karma does exist and whatever one does comes back on them tenfold -- I can testify from experience.

Excuse me, but I have something to say about this.
I think we all know she's (Snesss) not having the best attitude through the situation, it's not fair for her husband, of course.
She knows something is wrong.
Anyway, who actually are you to judge her in that manner? You're being offensive, do you realize?

Who are you to point your finger at someone and say "people like you are malignant cancers in our society"?

Have you ever analise your own words, ideology and perhaps find your own "cancer"?
Perhaps you haven't lived and learned enough to really know what you're talking about.

You completely lost reason. Take care!

Absolutely I am being judgmental, without question. I bet if we were talking about a someone in the financial industry who was contemplating defrauding the elderly of their savings so that he could feel good about himself by accumulating wealth, or otherwise get a thrill, you would jump up and down all over that person (and rightfully so). Here we have someone who is defrauding a family member, to whom they also have a duty of care, yet because this act of infidelity is so frequent in our society, people are not suppose to be "judgmental". Infidelity profoundly damages the victims, including children (just as the elderly are damaged in a financial fraud). Our actions have consequences, and moral opprobrium directed toward this type of behavior is completely justified. Cancers rot the body from within, just as deception rots a family unit from within.