Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Not Feeling Guilty At All......why?

Been married 8 yrs and living with him for 12 yrs  I just cheated a few weeks ago, and I feel no guilt what so ever.  I feel guilty for not feeling guilty, if that makes any sense.  It was with an old fling from high school, and I want more!  But we live over 500 miles apart, and he's in a relationship and told me he felt very guilty so he doesn't want it to happen again.  Darn.  Maybe he'll change his mind next time I'm in town.  Is there something wrong with me because I feel no guilt....NONE.....and I love my husband and other than that, we have a fairly good marriage.  The thing that scares me though, is that I would probably drop him forever for my fling. Thank God we live so far away from each other.

greenfairy greenfairy 31-35, F 53 Responses May 3, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

so how do you think if he, too? let think about it before too late.
Maybe it just because you dont understand him and feel boring, want to find something else new, right? you can know more about him by HelloSpy

Not sure if it's good or bad that he lives so far away....he could always be your FWB

You love you'll husband you selfish woman, what about your husband's feeling's and the other man and woman's feeling's.

Hello! I do understand the way you feel, I think the key concept in your experience is I may leave him forever due to the other man. Ok, just think that that "another man" being the one 100 miles away or not, can reappear soon and I would just assume (I dont know your husband), but if he still has feelings for you, knowing about the betrayal will hurt him more than the really tough task of talking with him upfront about your feelings. Thats the only way to go: to talk, otherwise you will feel frustrated and thoughtful about other person and your partner may be exposed at a really painful situation. Betrayal put me in a major depression that I had an extremely hard time to get out of.

That sounds exactly like what happened to me, except I'm the "guy in a relationship," and I did feel bad. It was a friend from high school who's married, and she hit me up when she was back in town and threw her self at me. I didn't want to cheat, but I felt like I was denying my man hood...I had to get wasted with her and talk myself into it. I'm married to the girl I cheated on now, and last night this absolutely beautiful girl literally threw herself at me and I said no,... NO!!? She was a ten!! I feel like an idiot but proud at the same time. It feels weird. Thus why I find myself on a site like this.

people wgo aren't ready to accept how they feel cheat and lie ...but if you love your partner tell them and see how to keep from destroying lives... I believe that kind of betrayal is why so many never trust anyone again ... the thought of you being sexually inadiquit is unphatomable, love is supposed to conqure all ,right ????

I do understand and feel the same way. i have been married 20 years, and have cheated regularly for the last 10. some people just dont get the monogomy thing, and i guess im one of those. i always wanted more lovers. i do love my husband and children. id not leave my husband for anyone, and hope he never leaves me .. but i just ave a "need" and many dont understand that... so i understand you not feeling guilty

I wanna learn from you Lisa. I am not kidding. How do you meet right partners for this kind of relationship? How are you able to enjoy it and at the same time not get carried away too much?
I totally want to learn from you. Pleeeease.

keep the fantasy alive and use the energy to apply to your "real" life. I'm battling a similar issue but have not yet crossed the line yet knowing that it would be a bottomless pit with no real chance of coming to positive fruition in the long term.

If you are feeling guilty for not feeling guilty, then you are feeling guilty.

I get it. I think after a while of not really being in love you get numb. The routine, the life, the marriage is just a daily life you have learned to live in. For those of you being so judgmental, yes what she did was wrong, but geeze you would swear there were saints from heaven in here. Lay off. This is obviously something she's taking seriously or why bother to post it?

I cheated on my boyfiend with a guy that was married. I have I admit I did feel very guilty but the fact that he seemed so calm about it and said he didn't feel bad about it made me relax a bit. he said that wen were simply trying to make everyone happy and that we were hurting anyone as long as no one knew. I know how you feel now. it's still going on with him and I and the feeling of no guilt still remains in him I think.

I'm also a cheater who isn't feeling guilty in a marriage that "isn't that bad". Boils down to the fact you have reasons to stay but you want to go. You need to decide. If you stay, secret to the grave this fling and don't do it again. Get marriage counseling and personal counseling. If you leave, I still wouldn't tell your husband about the fling. All these people that say he "deserves to know" can bite my ***. I'm sure they have no secrets right? It's about you making you happy instead of worrying about hurting someone else. If you were happy you wouldn't stray. I'd still get personal counseling.

I think you will find man and women are very different about this issue in general but exceptions do happen. Usually the man is the one supressing his urges.
I'm speaking from a mans perspective. Everything a man likes is frowned apon. Here are examples. 1. A man can't have more that one partner even if he is genectically designed to spread seed. 2. A man can't be with anyone more than a few years younger than him because society considers it wrong even though genetically we like younger women. 3. It's more exceptable for a woman to have a relationship with a woman but not a man with a man. (most men would deny it but they would like to try it.)

I'm just saying when it comes to the "rules of love" it wasn't men that invented most of them. We just live with them because our wives or girlfriends would simply leave if we don't follow them. That is the simple breakdown of it.

I have allowed my wife to experiment with women but I am still not allowed to touch anyone else.........

If you're ready to "probably drop (a 12-year relationship) him forever for my fling...", a married man who at least has the decency to feel guilty about his betrayal, and who doesn't want a repeat performance, they by all means, you should. You obviously don't belong with this man you married. He certainly doesn't deserve somebody like YOU! The fact that you feel no guilt simply means that you DON'T love him... you just think you do. I'm certain that you don't know what love IS! Even if you did, you nevertheless chose your own ba<x>se desires over your 'love' for your husband. Nice... real nice. Hope he cheats on you.

Hmmm. I suppose you just needed a break. Maybe you're just plain bored and needed and uplift, maybe you left something incomplete wit that person (although if you want more you definitely haven't closed the cycle). Men go and cheat all the time and it seems somehow effortless for them, why shouldn't we be able to do the same thing? It was just physical anyway. It also depends why you keep on with your husband, is it just for the safety, the company? I have a loving boyfriend too and haven't cheated yet, but at times I feel like I need this freedom to do it, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend for a fling... There's these book called The Ethical **** maybe you are just the type who can "multitask", seriously its a book am not joking or anything. Good luck!!

"Hmmm. I suppose you just needed a break." Jeez, take a short vacation, or something. Get drunk. But cheating? Hope you aren't a marriage counselor, MCherry!

"Men go and cheat all the time and it seems somehow effortless for them, why shouldn't we be able to do the same thing?" What a specious load of crap! So if 'men' cheat all the time, YOU should be able to cheat on YOUR husband? Now you sound like a lawyer. In fact, (look it up... I did!), women cheat just as frequently as men do... so now it's okay for YOUR husband to go ahead and cheat on YOU? When are you going to tell him?

And you obviously cherry-picked "The Ethical ****." I'VE read it, cover-to-cover, and thought long and hard about much of it. That kind of stuff is all well and good... provided that everything is totally open, right from the start, and everyone is in full agreement. I don't believe I see anything like that here!

You've got some growing up to do, that's for sure!

And YOU think you are all grown up talking like THAT on the internet to someone YOU don't know? I agree with you on that maybe she does need a vacation or getting drunk, maybe she is bored, it is 12 years after all. On the other hand I sense that you may have been cheated on and that's why you are all sensitive to the topic, if so my condolences for that. It is statistically recorded that more married man cheat with single women than otherwise, it is also said that it may not be accurate because women tend to be more secretive (because of society being less accepting for them). In my experience I've heard and seen more men cheating than women and they really seem to have a particular way to deal with guilt, since they are educated to judge their behaviours and not their identity (e.g. men usually think "I did something wrong" versus women thinking - and being told by others as it is seen on this same page- "I am a ****, I don't deserve my partner"). I just think this might be more helpful than just telling the story sharer "You're a ****, leave your husband"

I'm grown up enough to recognize RIGHT from WRONG. And I know all I need to know about her on this topic. Her post says it all. Damned straight I've been cheated on... many times. Damned straight I'm sensitive to the subject; I've earned the right! I don't even bother to recount my personal experience with who cheats on whom; my little sample is meaningless. I place more faith in broad-based RECENT surveys. They're far more likely to be accurate than my own (or your own) personal poll. And all those fine distinctions about who feels what... so much chaff. Beside the point. Irrelevant. The FACT of the matter is that she chose to CHEAT on her husband, and feels NO REMORSE WHATSOEVER. How much more than that do you need?? She had a choice... and she made it. In my book, no guilt equates to no conscience, and no respect for her husband, her marriage vows, or, frankly, herself. Your turn...

Oh shut up. Judgmental ***. Who is really on here to get berated? Let the ******* person tell their story. I'm sure you've NEVER done anything that was imperfect right? Just because it wasn't cheating on a spouse doesn't make it better/worse. Take the righteous stick out of your *** and go somewhere else if this story offends your delicate sensibilities.

yes i agree, those that think only men cheat are not thinking .... they are cheating with someone, and that someone probably isnt another guy ... so ...

2 More Responses

Hmmm. I suppose you just needed a break. Maybe you're just plain bored and needed and uplift, maybe you left something incomplete wit that person (although if you want more you definitely haven't closed the cycle). Men go and cheat all the time and it seems somehow effortless for them, why shouldn't we be able to do the same thing? It was just physical anyway. It also depends why you keep on with your husband, is it just for the safety, the company? I have a loving boyfriend too and haven't cheated yet, but at times I feel like I need this freedom to do it, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend for a fling... There's these book called The Ethical **** maybe you are just the type who can "multitask", seriously its a book am not joking or anything. Good luck!!

Hmmm. I suppose you just needed a break. Maybe you're just plain bored and needed and uplift, maybe you left something incomplete wit that person (although if you want more you definitely haven't closed the cycle). Men go and cheat all the time and it seems somehow effortless for them, why shouldn't we be able to do the same thing? It was just physical anyway. It also depends why you keep on with your husband, is it just for the safety, the company? I have a loving boyfriend too and haven't cheated yet, but at times I feel like I need this freedom to do it, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend for a fling... There's these book called The Ethical **** maybe you are just the type who can "multitask", seriously its a book am not joking or anything. Good luck!!

Hmmm. I suppose you just needed a break. Maybe you're just plain bored and needed and uplift, maybe you left something incomplete wit that person (although if you want more you definitely haven't closed the cycle). Men go and cheat all the time and it seems somehow effortless for them, why shouldn't we be able to do the same thing? It was just physical anyway. It also depends why you keep on with your husband, is it just for the safety, the company? I have a loving boyfriend too and haven't cheated yet, but at times I feel like I need this freedom to do it, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend for a fling... There's these book called The Ethical **** maybe you are just the type who can "multitask", seriously its a book am not joking or anything. Good luck!!

Just divorce him I mean your just a cheater why would you want to cheat on someone I feel bad for him you should never cheat on a man who loves you I just feel bad for you husband I hate cheaters I dont know why you would ever do that!!! You dont deserve to be with a very nice man.

you are trash for cheating...not because you like one thing or another but because you hurt this man that has devoted his life to you. tell him the truth break up with him and then go do whatever the **** you want. ruin your own life but right now you are playing with that mans heart and he obviously deserves better than you...

Guess my advice to you is go with your geart. Sorry meant to post

So I just recently cheated on my husband of 3 years, and I feel the same way, no guilt at all. I know divorce would be better, but my husband has no where to live if we did. He doesnt work because he's lazy, he screams at me all the time. No wonder I did what I did. The bad thing is the other person is married to the same type of person my husband is and feels no guilt also. Divorce would cost him a fortune too as they have a house, 3 race cars, 2 new cars, new house and a business. Honestly, I can't wait to see him again. We were suppose to marry each other 11yrs ago but didn't because he chose his mother over me, but this time it's different, good different.

That story could be written by me! It's happening exactly the same, except, i'm not married (it's boyfriend) and the "lover" is single.<br />
Oh and he feels guilty because i'm hurting someone... and he thinks he's responsible. Which makes me feel worse because I don't feel it so much and I'm the one who cheated! I must be a selfish b*tch. Whatever.<br />
<br />
Anyway, this sounds awkward, but our relationship (with my boyfriend) is getting better and better... even better during the cheating phase. It seems like it brought back my sparks, the desire and I crave for more sex with my boyfriend. I see he's happier now too, which finally brings me some new sense of "guilt", because then I think of the reasons...<br />
<br />
The other guy, i'm not in love with him, he's not "the guy". It's just attraction... We just kissed and we talk quite a lot everyday. We didn't have sex yet because he would feel way too bad about my situation (I wish he was more selfish like me... because if it depended on me, we already had it lol)<br />
<br />
So now, we're going to be a few days without contact and see what happens... perhaps more longer.<br />
Maybe the sparks will be gone, a part of me is saying it's the best way because this won't take to nothing special. But the other wants to see that guy everyday!!<br />
I just hope I never fall in love with this guy. <br />
<br />
Sorry, I don't have any advice, but here's my experience.

sound like a ***** who next on your list .....

Having sex with consent with any man other than husband or bf is not cheating. I think the word cheating should carry a meaning that does not apply when adults have sex with consent

Perhaps you define it differently, but "love" means that you are willing to make sacrifices, be honest and remain true to another human being. Otherwise, "love" is an empty word. No guilt? You sound like you have sociopathic tendencies. If you betray the people who love you the most, what is left of your soul?

One of the biggest myths there are is that someone one other person can fill a person's life completely. Some times it does happen this way. A lot of times it does not. So to be aware that a marriage is not all that it could be happens to a lot of men and women. That they do something about it should not be a surprise.<br />
<br />
I counsel a lot of marriages that are not working. And frankly the answer that works in a lot of them, more than one might suspect, is for them to have someone on the side. I would like to say it is not true, but my daily work shows me otherwise. I see enough people who are brutally battered and beaten. A little sex on the side is nothing compared to that.

This is downright horrible advice. I hope you are not a practicing psychiatrist or psychcologist.

I don't feel guilty either when you try so hard to work your marriage and that person don't care well is there fault no one else, i know I try to work it out with hubby and nothing, so I'm with a man that is married too and we just see each other once in while and take our frustrations together and it feels good, just becarefull not to get caught

just because you are frustrated you have the right to possibly hurt that person for lifetime.............??what right do you have to do that. The person has only one life, and you dont have the right to inflict that pain ...pain that will not be taken by just a deep breath....................

I don't feel guilty either when you try so hard to work your marriage and that person don't care well is there fault no one else, i know I try to work it out with hubby and nothing, so I'm with a man that is married too and we just see each other once in while and take our frustrations together and it feels good, just becarefull not to get caught

Make yourself happy and enjoy the sex with whomever you desire. Cheating is awesome, it is like the air that people like us breathe

cus you're a *****

What ever the reason to be together, if you live with some one or even date for longer period of time, then you would get attachment. Love and attachment can be confusing as the relationship gets older. How do you know whether you feel regret about what you did, if you don't feel the consequence? U r just being silly to say i don't feel regret for what i did, while u don't even have the gut to taste the consequence of your action...then i just simply think you are a teenage or a silly 4 year old kid. Get the balls to tell your spouse the truth and see if you still don't feel guilty about it. Then you won't get confused about love and attachment. <br />
<br />
personally, I don't know why people have a tendency of sneaking around, while they have all the right to say goodbye and do whatever they want, that is when i see selfishness in cheater...they want all. When you really care for someone and love him/her, you just can't lie to them. If you can, trust me you are a lost case.

well said, cheaters are just thinking of how their lust will be satisfied without thinking that if their partners will discover them, the effect to that person is lifetime. For cheaters, if you have respect for the life of your partners, then you stopped doing so..........as i said the effect is LIFETIME and we only have one life and who are you to hurt your loyal partners.

I was cheated on by my husband of ten years. It was the most excruciatingly painful thing that has ever happened to me. I almost lost my job. I could not eat or sleep. I felt violated, dirty, humiliated, ashamed. The pain was so intense I had to be medicated. I have to go to counselling. I would not wish what I have gone through on my worst enemy. Cheating is a very selfish act. Please consider the pain that it causes the other person even if you don't feel guilty. <br />
To be honest reading this thread made me want to vomit.

Seriously, consider just breaking up with the person. If you've already done it, DON'T tell them, just tell them it's over and spare their pain. If you can't be faithful, try to avoid monogamous relationships. If you feel no guilt, I find that very disturbing. I can tell you from experience, and speaking with other victims, that you should feel guilty.

They dont feel the guilt because they have not experienced what we have experiennced, your heart is always pulsating, you mind seems to malfunction trying to understand the betrayal, guild has something to do with how a person values himself and how Godfearing is the person, but one thing for sure, if you think its easy for the person being betrayed to tackle, i tell all the people who said they have not guilt, you kill the person and you rob that person the ability to be fully happy during her or his lifetime. The bad memories of being betrayed kept coming back in no certain time, sometimes you just suddenly wake up and cry.....with heavy heart and with regrets why thepeople you've are the cheaters.

why the people you've meet are the cheaters and the selfish ones. But people who value their family always have the feeling of the family their prime responsibility, being parents to their kids, they should be the source of the happiness of the family that the provider or instigator of pain...........

Thank you . . . finally someone here is revealing the true effects of a cheating spouse. Godspeed to you . . . I hope you have left your husband and are now able to find someone who loves you the way you deserve.

Spot on!

2 More Responses

I understand. I tried for a while to get out of my marriage as nicely as I could. It didnt work.<br />
My husband kept guilting me into staying. When I couldnt bare living with him anymore I moved out. I have had 3 flings since. <br />
I feel like I have changed. I no longer want to be in a commited relationship with a man. When I told my husband this, he thought I was crazy and needed to see a counselor. We went to counseling, but I havent changed. I see/ know his pain, I have been cheated on when I was younger (in my twenties), and was destroyed by it. <br />
I hate having to explain to him over and over that I am different now, and that I am no longer the kind of person that he would want to be with.<br />
The most horrible loss here is our friendship. I know this will destroy it for him

guilt is a form of socialism!!! Created by the church to reign in what they deemed as 'bad' behavior.

l am a cheat. Have no guilt and can't couch it in nicer terms. Worse of all, l feel no guilt.

Sex is primative and primal. A woman naturally wants the strongest male she can find and experience. This isn't always but can be the most pleasurable sexual experience of her life and when she gets it it can be overwhelmingly addictive such that she will sacrifice the safety and security of a marriage for an occasional secret rendezvous. I've seen it all to many times. You love your hubby but you NEED something more...some excitement, passion, raw, unadulterated caveman sex. Hubby can't deliver? That's when you call in the stunt ****. See my pic and tell me if you can fit me in.

In reading the comments here on this thread.. I have noticed that a lot of you have been married for a very long period of time. I am sorry to say this, but who wouldn't get bored? I truly believe it's human nature to get bored of someone. It only took me two years of marriage, but I am a different creature over here...... I just get bored very easily. I dont even know why I am married to tell you the truth , but the thought of living alone and being single makes me shiver. I like having my husband and the occasional someone making me feel alive. I am not a bad person and if anything I will do anything for anyone I know. If I found out he had a lover , It wouldn't phase me, i would be shocked however . It's who I am. You can try to change who you are , but it has to be sincere. Not feeling guilty has to do with the person. Everyone is different, their guilt can be their demon, or you can continue life as if nothing ever happened. <br />
<br />
Everyone picks their poison. There is no such thing as a mistake, it what we do and what we dont do. <br />
<br />
Good Luck!

Why not be honest with your husband? . . . or is it that you know you are morally wrong? You sound sociopathic.

You should be ashamed of yourself! You can't cheat on your husband when you didn't tell him from the start that you a pla<x>yer! And anybody who supports your cheating ways should be ashamed of themselves also. There's such a thing as loyalty and honesty. Damn! Yogis are just as pathetic!

Thanks . . . finally someone making a reasonable comment on this thread.

I just cheated on my wife for the first time. And by cheated, I mean had sex with another woman. I've been flirtatious with other women for the 10 years we've been together. I've done things she might consider cheating over the years... sharing a bed with a girl... snuggling someone else... even just keeping in touch with other girls would be considered cheating by my wife.... but I finally actually slept with another woman. <br />
I think I even wanted to do it... I've been telling myself that perhaps I would go as far as to sleep with someone, and then my yearning for other women might go away. Nope. It's worse now.<br />
And I don't feel guilty. I knew I wouldn't. But what's surprising is that I do feel guilty about not feeling guilty. Now I'm wondering if I actually do love my wife. I think I love her... I care about her... I like being with her... I don;t think I'm that sexually attracted to her anymore though. Is that what it is? Am I just searching for sex? Is that why there's no guilt?<br />
I feel like I could easily maintain an affair with another woman... emotionally that is. Or maybe I couldn't.... I find myself slightly obsessed with the woman I slept with. She lives in another city, 17 hours away, that I visit a few times a year. She's my age, red haired, and dirty and amazing in bed. <br />
Do I not love my wife? Should I leave her? I feel like it would destroy my world to separate from her. But I guess i think... why leave her, when I can cheat on her and have both? I travel a lot, I'm a musician in a relatively famous band... it would be easy.<br />
I'm super confused and ****** up by this. I can't see changing though. I guess I'm just a selfish *******. But really, I'm fine with that.

Honestly, I can relate with your situation. I have a boyfriend of three years. We were great; honestly best couple. But, then I went away to college and the distance became the surrounding factor. Freshman year, I was able to stay faithful and committed. Though, sophomore year I turned into a ragging ****. kissing other guys. Even having sex with two other guys. After, all this happened I was initially fine. Felt no guilt or remorse. I did not know what was wrong with me! Than it built up over months from me thinking what if i marry him? and he is the father of my children? do i keep this huge secret till I die? So I am trying to say that you say you love your husband yet you feel no guilt. I promise you that you will not want to do it again. The guilt all of the sudden will hit you like a brick which no force can lift off your chest.

Honestly, I can relate with your situation. I have a boyfriend of three years. We were great; honestly best couple. But, then I went away to college and the distance became the surrounding factor. Freshman year, I was able to stay faithful and committed. Though, sophomore year I turned into a ragging ****. kissing other guys. Even having sex with two other guys. After, all this happened I was initially fine. Felt no guilt or remorse. I did not know what was wrong with me! Than it built up over months from me thinking what if i marry him? and he is the father of my children? do i keep this huge secret till I die? So I am trying to say that you say you love your husband yet you feel no guilt. I promise you that you will not want to do it again. The guilt all of the sudden will hit you like a brick which no force can lift off your chest.

Honestly, I can relate with your situation. I have a boyfriend of three years. We were great; honestly best couple. But, then I went away to college and the distance became the surrounding factor. Freshman year, I was able to stay faithful and committed. Though, sophomore year I turned into a ragging ****. kissing other guys. Even having sex with two other guys. After, all this happened I was initially fine. Felt no guilt or remorse. I did not know what was wrong with me! Than it built up over months from me thinking what if i marry him? and he is the father of my children? do i keep this huge secret till I die? So I am trying to say that you say you love your husband yet you feel no guilt. I promise you that you will not want to do it again. The guilt all of the sudden will hit you like a brick which no force can lift off your chest.

Honestly, I can relate with your situation. I have a boyfriend of three years. We were great; honestly best couple. But, then I went away to college and the distance became the surrounding factor. Freshman year, I was able to stay faithful and committed. Though, sophomore year I turned into a ragging ****. kissing other guys. Even having sex with two other guys. After, all this happened I was initially fine. Felt no guilt or remorse. I did not know what was wrong with me! Than it built up over months from me thinking what if i marry him? and he is the father of my children? do i keep this huge secret till I die? So I am trying to say that you say you love your husband yet you feel no guilt. I promise you that you will not want to do it again. The guilt all of the sudden will hit you like a brick which no force can lift off your chest.

dam-das-not-cool-if-you-feel-you-gon-be-like-that-then-just-get-a-divorce-save-yo-nigga-dat-pressure-4rm-yo-****-shyt

I found this website due to the same feelings of "guilty because I don't feel guilty" after cheating on my husband of 19 years. It's not the first time and most likely won't be the last as I'm in my early 40's and he's in his mid 50's. ALTHOUGH, our sex life is awesome and our marriage is great by all outside looking in standards. I don't know why I cheat - it's just because I can? Personally, it has nothing to do with my husband and he doesn't know and doesn't need to know. I guess I'm missing that moral compass so many people talk about!

Vaseline queen

People are inherently wrong when they say the other person doesn't need to know or "what they don't know won't hurt them".

Here's the fundamental reason why. You are robbing you husband of the ability to make choices determining his OWN life based on the truth.

Keeping it secret turns your husbands life into a complete sham because of the cruel hoax you are pertetrating. That is truly selfishness in the extreme.

Everyone has the absolute fundamental right to know if what they believe to be true about a relationship is true. If you can't feel guilt about cheating, please, please, PLEASE try to understand how you are robbing your husband of living an authentic life. His ONLY life. It's so brutal.

It makes me so sad for every person being cheated on. The idea that someone should keep it secret to "spare feelings" is actually so selfish.

Don't do this to someone who claim to still love or have loved. It's just not right or fair.

I recently cheated on my husband also. I have been with my husband 15 years. I never thought in all our years I would cheat. Three years ago now I found out he had been talking to a friend of mine behind my back. He lied, she lied...what was I to think. So things have not been the same. Then about a month ago I met a fabulous man. He has been married 31 years. He is in a loveless marriage, but cannot leave because they have a disabled older son that they take care of together. He is dedicated to the care of his son and I admire him for that. I love my husband..but I am not in love with him anymore. I cheated and didn't feel guilty at all. I risk my marriage ...have thought about divorce..but not really ready for that either..but I risk it for this man. This man that brings passion and a spark back into my life. I know we can never be together. I fantasize about it. I asked him what he would do if his wife asked him for a divorce. What would he do? Sometimes it is not always us that get to make the decisions. Our spouses can leave us just as easily as we cheat. Then what would we do? I think sometimes being alone would be wonderful...I could be the "other woman" for this man...and then go home to my own space..my own life..and not have to clean up after him. Is that bad? I think I would be happywith that right now...and not being a wife. Life is too short. I don't know if I can live unhappily in this marriage for another 15-20 years....I know too many people that have...

And in doing so you potentially devastate both families, including the children. Complete and utter selfishness. Be honest and get a divorce.

Love and sex can indeed be separate...I posted a story in another group about this...maybe i'll move it over to this one.

Love and sex can and do exist seperately from one another. If you are comfortable with that, and your spiritual side doesn't mind, then there really shouldn't be any guilt. And don't let others make you feel guilty. That's their problem to deal with, not yours.

I only wanted to say that I know exactly what greenfairy is talking about. Also I do not believe it has anything to do with polyamory or with love for that matter. It's hard to explain the feelings. I do recommend not cheating on your husband and shame on anyone who says otherwise. All I can say is that men are not what you think. Your husband probably does love you. And you probably love your husband. right? And if you had sex with someone that said "he felt very guilty so he doesn't want it to happen again" and that lives 500 miles away then he doesn't love you. You may get a rush from cheating but that man is not going to leave his significant other for you. If you can understand that then you should be fine. Don't think that he might change his mind and don't think that you are going to drop your husband. Unless of course you don't love your husband...

You know what, I feel like I am in the same situation. I LOVE my husband and I don't want to hurt him but I can't help it. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but I am always looking around. I don't know what drives me to do it, but before you know it I cheated on him. My only guilt lies in the fact that I can't help myself.

Vaseline queen!

I don't mean to be mean, but how can you say you LOVE your spouse and than do probably the one thing that would absolutely DEVASTATE him? How can you love him and do something that even if he never finds out about HURTS him, and KNOW that if you could you would drop him like a fly for this other guy???? I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like you LOVE him, but perhaps you would like to BELIEVE you do. People who are IN love and committed to each other do not have affairs. I'm not judging you for the affair I am challenging you to see if you really LOVE your spouse if you could so easliy discard him, for something that APPEARS to be better.

There is a thing called polyamory. Some people are wired that way... Maybe that would be your situation? Comfortable with more than one love? Research it and check it out if ya like. There is some good info on the internet about how it all works.