Doing The Right Thing, Is It Really Worth It?

Before I start, I just want to say that almost four years ago my husband had his affair. I thought we'd moved past it and were on the path to marital bliss.

When they say opposites attract, they're talking about my husband and I. I'm the outdoorsy, adventurous, social, "rebel" girl. He's the quiet, shy, gaming, "good" guy. I love him. But I feel so stifled. He hates tattoos, I want more (I got my first one when I found out about the affair). He hates motorcycles, I want to buy another one to replace the one I sold. I want to go to the beach, go camping, go hiking, go do anything! Especially now that our kids are old enough to do it with us. But he doesn't. He's completely content to spend his life sitting on the couch together. That's just not me. And I'm coming unraveled.

Not long ago, my husband introduced to me a coworker. We've become friends. And here's where I lost my way. We have so much in common. He hasn't made a move, nor do I think he will. But I feel so guilty, because I want him to.

It's not fair to my husband. He deserves better than me. We've talked about how different we are and trying to compromise about activities. But he still hates tattoos and doesn't like me talking about getting another one. I don't know what to do, but I know I can't keep doing this.
CagedStarling CagedStarling
31-35, F
4 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Are you fightinh between family and tattoes ? Isnt it like comparing apples with bananas ? I dont know whats the priority for you, but do think about the difference in both.

It's not just about tattoos. It's about feeling like I could not be myself. I could not say what I thought or felt because I was afraid he would have another affair. I could not do the things I wanted to do because we always had to do what he wanted. It was very suffocating.

Let me inform you, if hubby doesn't want to compromise with you, then he's not going to. Some men are set in there ways, and change isn't an option or in there vocabulary. Been married for 24 yrs, still waiting.

Wow, that sounds hauntingly familiar. I believe I am experiencing something similar. I don't think cheating is the answer and divorce is a path you don't want to go down unless there really is no other way.All I can advise is that you talk to your husband. Let him know your feelings, its only fair to him. Fight the temptation till then and if nothing changes do what you need to do.

You said you loved him. You two are opposites, but something brought you two together.

Be yourself, enjoy, but be faithful, loyal to your man.

If this is NOT possible, time to rethink your life.

"Be yourself, enjoy, but be faithful, loyal to your man."

I agree. I feel so ridiculous. I keep hoping I can figure something out and make both of us happy.

each of you.. be who you are and all will fall into place. you aren't ridiculous... just human. *smile*