Frustrated Newlywed Part: Ii

Well I must say that since I have been on this site it's very refreshing to hear from others and at the same time it saddens my heart that people are walking around in marriages with pain and feeling hurt and anger. I wish I had a magic wand to make everyone feel on cloud 9 for the rest of their marriages but I don't. Update on my situation is that I am packing for a 7 day cruise that my husband and I purchased last March. I know I am supposed to be excited but I am not near excited. I am happy to be off work for ten days. I'm not excited because I know that hot steamy passionate sex is not waiting for me on that ship, I'm lucky if I get any let alone if it's satisfying (last long enough). I just wanted to thank everyone who chimed in and gave their thoughts and concerns along with opinions. I know what I am going to have to do and that is leave because I can't live a life like this. I love my husband but I have yet to feel connected to him. It saddens my heart to have to be going through this but I am looking forward to feeling the relief feeling I just hate to feel that feeling at the expense of my husbands feelings. I hope that we can sit down and have a conversation and just lay everything out. I believe I have done all that I can do. We have been to Doctor appointments, he has been on different meds, I even went and saw a therapist with him. Hell I even bought lingerie for this trip. Well wish me LUCK because this trip is gonna either make us or break us!!!
InquiringMinds247 InquiringMinds247
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 18, 2013

I wish you the best of luck. There is some thing I have called a do or die conversation between me and whomever. I call it a "come to Jesus talk" the reason behind its meeting is. Myself and whomever I am talking to have come to a stop, dead end, or abyss. This is not a cross roads speech for that has options. It also means "we" are going to have an honest real talk. For if you were to stand before Jesus you wouldn't dare lie. True feelings, answers, and questions are the only option or we are DONE!! When you speak with him anger has no place in this type of conversation. Remember you are having this conversation as the last resort and for someone else to understand and be willing to tell you the truth they have to know its from your heart. There will be hurtful things said and guess what nobody is innocent or perfect and you have to be willing to admit and accept them. For when you both are in the "come to Jesus " mode it won't make you angry but you should feel hurt and disappointment that the two of you let things get this far and when did we stop communicating,listening, and hearing. You both stop doing those three things. But I am here right now so what's it going to be. Also most important "come to Jesus" conversations almost never are finished after words. People including your self need time to reflect on all that was said and changes you both must except. And when two people come back to conversation you will know where you stand. Either you both are willing to change things and understand that those things that brought you to that talk can't happen again. A sure sign of wanting to to try with their heart. They and you will have come up with signs or plans to flag you both that the "hearing" part is breaking down again. See its not hard for anyone to get distracted with "life". To hear someone is to notice an attitude or change of tone or even their own self issues taking hold of them. Next is to communicate and call a time out. Last but not least listen. Listening is understanding what they are saying and NOT saying. Anyway I know a long answer but if heard correctly the sexless marriage is not the only problem it's just were it was able to be acknowledge. Even if you fix the sex part it's what got you to the fixed sex that will have to stay strong. Sex today something else tomorrow. I do understand about how important "sex" is in a marriage and have over come this myself with my wife. Good luck and if he is not willing then there is always the "pool boy"

I just took a break from my husband for sort of similiar reasons. It's been 2 weeks now.
I can feel attraction to other men but with my husband it is not there. Like the chemical between us died.
He was working nights for years and I ended up depressed and feeling neglected. I know people have to make money but it wasn't the life we started together and for me it wasnt enough I fell out of love and it was exactly the cliche- I love him but am not "in love"
We have been together 16 years married 3.5.
We grew into best friends and the sex life is unsatisfying. He comes but I don't - think this is partly my fault as I grew to just want to get it over so let it happen.
Last time I had sex with him it felt so wrong like I don't want him to touch me again. Like a prostitute almost- no connection.
We used to be so very connected on all levels- I don't know how all that could have died!
But my heart loves him so much and I miss him. Also I'm in our house alone now and he with his parents. It is lonely without him- I wonder can the spark or attraction be reunited? I wonder can the sex be worked on to be more animalistic and passionate?
There is also so much to think about to separate- what happens the house? We can't sell no one will buy here! I will have to move to my parents and rent out house to cover mortgage. So much mess.
It would be great if u could try your best to make it work! The grass isn't greener.
I would love to hear a success story.