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I Don't Know What to Do...

My husband is physically disabled, and because of that we are unable to have sex like we used to. In fact, he barely pays attention to me sexually. I've communicated how much it upsets me, and all he says is "I'll try harder". We both know that he can't try harder, as it's not really his fault. But going without physical intimacy is not an option for me. Especially because I am only 24 years old. We've talked about me going outside the relationship, but he doesn't want me to do that....but I feel like that is my only option left.  I will not leave him, because I love him still....and also, I take care of him and his ailing mother. I am bound by obligation at the least.

 

What should I do? I haven't cheated....yet. But I know it's only a matter of time....

 

****UPDATE****

 

We came to a decision to have an open relationship. He just wants me to be happy. I hope this works, because I am still madly in love with him...

Porcelina Porcelina 22-25 7 Responses Sep 18, 2009

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Wow Duana, judgemental much?

I understand. I'm glad you've come to what you can live with. Loving one another isn't always what other people think is should be, it's what you think it is.

Iam glad u two worked it out, it will not be easy, but stick with the plan...

You are being unfair to him- he is not being unfair to you. The very essence of marriage is faithfulness in better and worse. If you can't accept all conditions and do not really understand or are willing to committ to what love really is then you need to leave him and let him find someone who loves him exactly for who he is.

One day life is going to be very hard for you as it gets to that point for everyone and when it does I wonder if you will have a faithful friend who will be there for you when you need them the most.



I am not judging you. We obviously live in a world where marriage is not the same as it used to be and even people's inner conscience is not the same. In my opinion this is very sad.



I wish the best for your husband. But it is better for him to be alone than to be with an unfaithful wife. There are always maids, or critical care services that he can hook into to get the daily care he might need if that is the problem and why you do not want to leave him.



The best solution is for you to grow in character but it would take a 360% turn around in your thinking.



I feel so sad that there are 69 people in a group like this.

If you want to cheat, just go ahead. Once you have cheating in your mind you will do it. You are looking for some approval from other people.

I would encourage both of you to seek counseling on this issue. Especially being so young and not sexually active anymore. I know vows are sacred but sex is an important part of every relationship. Maybe a counselor can help you find ways to be intimate other than having actual intercourse. Good luck to both of you. I live in a sexless marriage now, but have been married for 28 years. Only 3 of them have been sexless. We find other ways to be intimate, but even that isn't enough sometimes. I can't help but wonder if I was 24 and in your situation I might have considered moving on. Not that I am suggesting that to you, just saying what I might have done. Now though, I have been with him longer than I have been alone, so I don't plan on leaving. I hope you find the right answer for you.

I understand your frustration, Iam a male, whom has some of the same problems. My wife has had numerous surgeries and medical problems and is 4 yrs older than myself..Sex is just not happening anymore and since her female surgery. It has all but ceased, Ive asked her to go to doctor for some help, but she refuses to. Ive often thought of the same as you, but just can't bring myself to do it. I know how sacred ones vows are, but sometimes it just drives me nuts. I hope you two can find a way to make it work. Iam not sure what I can post in here being new to the site, but there are options.