Way Too Much

I think about death everyday. If somebody asks me what I will do when I'm old, or where I want to be in the future, I freeze up. I hate to think about the future because i can't be certain I'm going to have a future. The thought of growing old terrifies me. The thought of my family dying before me is always in the back of my mind, gnawing away to get to the front of the queue.

I am always thinking up little scenarios in my mind, mostly when I'm trying to sleep. I wonder what will happen when my time comes, where I will be and if ill be alone or in pain.

I am so scared of death, and I'm more scared of my family leaving me . I wish I could make it so I pass away before them, but then that's pretty selfish of me isn't it?
Cocolily Cocolily
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 7, 2013

So are you purely afraid of the *thought* of death, or what comes after, or the pain it causes you when others die? I'm just trying to clarify because I can probably help ease at least one of those fears.

Believe me, you will have time to forget the fear of death.
It's normal that people who are older than you will die before you, and you will die before people who are younger than you.
Just try to make people around you happy while they're still with you. It will help much more than going to their funerals or having them go to yours.

You're right. I do try to make people happy, and I hope I do. But I just can't shake the feeling that I want to go before my loved ones, even though that's not the natural way of life most of the time. I hope you're right about forgetting the fear of death though, maybe in a few years :)