I Think About Death Alot

I'm very weird. I dream about someone killin me all the time. Not only that though I think about What would be different after I died. Like all the places I Know How will they be changed. How will people remember me? Was I selfish? Not nice enough? How will my child remember me? Will I be alive to see him as a teenger? Will I be alive to see him have kids?Will I be alive to see his kids have kids? I wonder why it is so easy for people to forget you after you die. What they visit your grave 2 times a year at the most. Some people never ever visit your grave after you are put in the ground. People might think I've forgotten my grandfather but I think of him alot. I think about who will come  to my funeral. Alot of people who I really didn't know and they didn't care about me when I was alive. Well That's all I see when I go to funerals. I wonder how will they make me look. I went to one funeral and they made the poor girl look totally unlike herself. They fixed her hair and put  dark make-up on her. That just wasn't her. She never wore make-up and she never fixed her hair. She was a tomboy. She always wore baseball caps.Why did they make her look like someone else. It really upset me. But not only that though I heard the preacher ask her husband what songs do you want us to sing? The husband had no clue. How can you be married and the other person not know what songs you like? She went to church shouldn't he have had some inkling.I've thought I should make a list so my hubbie will not make this mistake. It's weird that you want to plan ahead for your death. I even had a dream a couple of days ago that my hubbie died. I started crying in my sleep. I have no idea why I'm so morbid.

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26-30
Mar 18, 2009