Crazy Talk

I'm not gonna do it. I can't. I think about how horrified my best friend would be, how emotionally scarred my boyfriend would be, how my mother would blame my father for it, about how it would let everyone down... But I still think about it. I still think about it all being over, no more torture from my brain. How it would be a selfish thing to do, because I wouldn't feel any pain afterwards. So really I won't do it because of everyone else, not because of me. And if I feel like these people don't care, or if I want them do be sorry for what they did or said, my reason for not wanting to die is gone, and I think about it. I think about laying on my bed with my bleeding arm hanging off to the side, about lying facedown in my bathtub, about everyone wondering why I'm not answering the phone, and eventually worrying about me enough to break into my apartment and find me dead.
I DO have OCD and maybe dying is just one of the things I obsess about; I don't think I'm depressed, I manage to get a lot done every day and have a social life and go to work and college and volunteering and everything. I take care of myself and keep my apartment clean. So this doesn't make sense.
VfangzV VfangzV
18-21, F
1 Response May 17, 2012

Suicide is never the answer because you'd be parting an incomplete life. Live to die another day. If you feel unfulfilled than logically the only thing to do is live on!